Tuesday, December 30, 2008

I don't know what this is

In missing calm of night and creepy shades of light

a warrior* strides across the fields in search of ventures capable of arresting his attention


My faulty computer clock says it's almost midnight

I have previously sought help right from Google to Microsoft

but the problem persists no matter how much i insist


I turn off the light and hit the sack

but sleep is something which I immediately don't lack

so I continue to longingly gaze at the download manager

with the hope of watching the MOTD before calling it a day


I have no clue as to when that might be

as the speed keeps fluctuating

and my mood swinging


So with time to kill, i switch on the night bulb

left behind generously by the previous occupant

and start scribbling this piece

in light which frankly isn't enough to make out chalk from cheese

but oddly, (is) bright enough to uncover the reason behind the generousity 


My eyes can barely see these letters and are under tremendous strain

but i continue in this vein 

for the night's now a tad too old to be working in light as bright as the incandescent luminence


All this while, the "time remaining" continues to appreciate and depreciate

taunting teasing and coercing me to stay awake 

and so helpless, i continue to write


Notwithstanding the late hour, a dude's blaring Beyonce's "If I Were A Boy"

certainly not thinking on the lines of

"If there was a lark

living right next door

with hopes of waking

up at the break of dawn........."**


A quick glance at the screen

which at its dimmest is still the source the brightest

I see there are just a few mega bytes to go before i stop this


RSA will re-embark on their pursuit of history in a few hours

needing just a century and a half with all wickets in hand

but i wait with breath sparse

coz when it comes to the proteas

I'm a pessimist with reasons aplenty


Oh, download's done and so is my turn for i've got to run

[Don't know whether it's the chilly night or the scrutiny fright

I just can't help but feel that this piece will do better

if taken after a few cans of budweiser]


p.s:- None of this would have happened if i hadn't felt a bit ashamed to go back home in the afternoon, after having returned only in the morning.

My efforts at coming up with something other than prose continue to go astray :( Prudence tells me to not publish this, but alas, i keep no drafts and the backspace key's no longer a part of my keyboard setup. The darn thing's gone the way the ctrl button did earlier. 

**->believed to be written in tune with Beyonce's song

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Got something to do with CAT but has nothing to do with it

Are these the days when people busy fidgeting and future apprehending are ready to jump upon any sort of post that gets posted in the blogroll so that they can get their minds away from CAT or are these the days the most crucial indispensable resources to facilitate the blooming of a promising career that you can't even spare a moment to check the happenings in the blogroll? 

If you managed to read the first passage without even reading a single phrase over again then i guess you are pretty well prepared (for the RC section at least). In case you read it over and over trying to make it out (like me) then well it just means that you aren't acclimatised to nonsense that makes sense. No paper setter will go about giving passages after removing all the punctuations, so don't fret over it. Now then stop fretting for not knowing what 'fret' means. How can i fret if i don't know the meaning of fret you say, just because you don't know the word doesn't mean you don't feel it. Permission to present the first witness your honour, i would like to call on 'Goosebumps'.

Just to make matters clear i didn't intentionally undress my first passage, i am pathetic when it comes to dealing with the attires that come out of the comma section of the malls.

In case you forgot (after reading this far), you have an exam on Sunday. The least i could do would be to move out and make some place for luck and poise.

Cheers, have a blast !!

p.s:- The word 'fret' is indeed not known to everyone. You know it but that's because you have a strong(er) vocab. Guess that's a head start for you :D

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Pointless Banter

My Laptop's keyboard has decided to fall apart and looks like the 'Ctrl' button has taken the initiative of leading from the front. That would have made a lot more sense had the laptop belonged to a CSE student obsessed with running a not-ending-till-midnite deadline-arriveth loop of cut-copy-paste, but as it stands it belongs to an ECE student. So pardon me for wondering aloud "what the fuck" .

If anything the key responsible for printing the letter 'I' should have bitten the dust first considering the number of times i use it in my posts. I seriously should consider not taking potshots at my own style of writing. That field of vocation as it is, seems to be- filled to the brim, packed like sardines, as tight as Mcgrath's line, as crowded as Mumbai's trains and weekend multiplexes. A word of caution -Considering all the metaphors used to indicate the high levels of density, It might not be long before the dreaded Terrorists decide to take a shot, so run for your lives people, just leave the poor guy alone :)

[polldaddy poll=1026377]


p.s 1:- The portrayal of a "typical CSE student" was originally done by Phani Deepak(UG2k6)

p.s 2:- Just wanted to see what the heck 'poll daddy' was all about

Friday, October 10, 2008

A brief unauthorised glimpse into a Felicity 2k9 co-coordinator's mental state

My friend Vijay-the Felicity co-coordinator wanted some help in order to capture the spirit of Felicity in words and these are the replies which he received earlier in the day

1)A rip-off of last year's well-written brochure

2)An insanely desperate attempt-at-humor passage :- 

Once every year there dawns upon us an event which goes by an 'F' word. The speciality about this event, apart from the fact that it's so 'f'ing good, is the way it is presented. It's straight from the heart, it's frank and it's in no way inhibited by all the formal constraints. So why just stand and stare like a grumpy, rigid, cliched corporate boss when you can so easily jump on the 'F' ride and have a blast. By the way, we will ensure foolproof security to prevent blasts of the other kind.

The poor guy as a result of such co-operation and not to mention all the stress involved in the assuagement of underlying ego-conflicts believes that one day he might become like John Malkovich in the movie "Being John Malkovich". The only difference he quotes "would be the replacement of the words "malkovich,malkovich,malkovich......" by "felicity,felicity,felicity......." "

p.s:- I don't claim ownership of this post

Friday, October 3, 2008

Megan Fox, Mother Teresa and a Milestone, with a few descriptions to Mediate

I changed the theme of the blog (once again) and in the process of doing so, felt compelled to update it. Excuses aside, i came across a weird thing today whilst browsing. Did you know that Megan Fox plays the role of Saint Teresa albeit only for a fake trailer for a movie inside a movie "How to lose friends and alienate people"

Anyway, the concept of Megan Fox playing a "sexed-up Mother Teresa in an NC-17-rated film" got me thinking and, just like that an extra-ordinarily contentious theory cropped up, about which i now have the patience not to elaborate but will find some some fine day and by god, i intend to offend at least some of the truly Devout* that day.

Coming back to the present day and putting aside the devilishly brilliant to-be-portrayed canvas, have you ever considered the word "Brochure". It sounds and spells 'all Business and formal' and demands the entries to be likewise too. However, if brochure was to be spelled "Broucher" the following entries might have had a chance of making it

Description 1 (for an amateur college Reporting Event):-

Do you gulp gossip down like a glass of ale and go about vomiting on everyone ? Well, that's disgusting but this event makes it look ethical and you reporting committal. So grab a pen and rush out to the nearest bookstore to get that scribbling pad for there won't be any (remaining) when the event comes calling this.... (the name of the college fest goes here).

All that you need to do is to register and go about gossip hunting. If we find your bounty size-able, we assure you a boot full of prizes.

Why Broucher material? The "vomit" term, no matter how natural, can never make into a "serious brochure"

Description 2 ( for a quizzing event on movies and prime-time T.V series):-

Are you the kind of person who takes pride from the amount of inside information on movies and prime-time series? If yes, then there's only one way to prove your haughtiness. The game's gonna hit the screens this Felicity and by george, breaking prison would look like a child's play when compared to this titanic quizzing event which might make you feel all lost and home alone if you leave your game behind.

Caution:- You might require more than just a cheerleader to save your world (read pride) as we promise to leave it all shaken and stirred. Oh yeah one more thing, it's gonna be de -wait for it- lightful

Why Broucher material? Even though the word 'Vomit' doesn't feature here, the passage is ridiculously and obnoxiously titular.

p.s 1:- The word "Devout" has been used as a noun even though it isn't one. It would have been okay in a world of brouchers but alas, we live in a world of brochures and 'Wren and Martin'.

p.s 2:- This happens to be the 100th post and i certainly didn't try to make it any special. That sums up the essence of this blog actually- No one other than yours truly is shown as special :D

p.s 3:- The title should have been the other way round

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Want some suggestions, Dammit!

What kind of questions are the best bet to bring out the creativeness of an individual?? 

Do you have any novel ideas which were considered too out of the box or weren't even considered earlier? It's time to try out your luck as i come around begging for new ideas.

The questions needn't be creative. The answers should provide enough of that commodity as long as your questions help them cross the void of creativity formed because of repetitive brain numbing activities. So please feel free to dump all the ideas which you think can fit the billing. The questions needn't be smart or clever or considerate or formal or senseful but it would help if they were.

(The post should have ended here for what follows is reduntant matter which causes more harm than good).


I just need some fodder to let my brain feed on, so that i can churn out some questions. The questions churned out may turn out to be the very ones you sent, but even in that event you will have no rights to go to court and file whatever you file for using stuff without the permission of their owners. 

You see i'm going to be like an anti-Santa who goes about collecting things and that too when you come over to give as opposed to me coming over.

All questions are to be submitted in comment format at the end of this post. The best thing about the comment format is that you have a provision to be anonymous. Now how cool is that

In the event of no comments turning up this post would oblige me to bray, and i would have to make do with my own ideas (The latter scenario ain't a bad position to be in but the former is totally uncool.... which implies that this post makes it essential for me to receive some suggestions even though i could have done without them in the first place. Interesting development that)

p.s:- I believe that (n +1) brains are better than (n) brains and that's been the sole purpose of reaching out to you people.

Monday, September 22, 2008

Me on Myself

I don't claim to have gotten* enlightened whilst sitting under a bodh tree, but yesterday after the 1-1 draw between Manchester United and Chelsea i realised that i was still not yet free from the obsession of material possessions.

Excessive devotion (or devotion for that matter) towards material possessions is a sin and that sin is what i am so fond of committing. Well actually, it isn't the 'obsession' which afflicts me but it is more of the "being under the spell" kind of thing. I have been a sucker for Television ever since i was first introduced to it and this relationship of mine is what i seek to terminate and by terminate, i don't mean like i will never lay my eyes upon it ever again!!, it's just that, if given a choice between watching TV and going out (and "getting a life"), i will choose the latter.

One of the earliest examples which i can recall regarding this case happens to be my learning to tell the time by looking at a watch (of course you think it is stupid that some one actually has to learn looking at a watch but just try teaching that to an infant (and by infant i don't mean a grown up politician->phatta )). The story goes like, i learnt to interpret the time shown by checking with the programmes on on TV at that time (even though i didn't know the time, i knew which show was on at which time even back then). So after a few days of such constant Tv referrals i became adept at the infant-evading art. It was because of this very avocation that i've had spectacles on my big fat nose (not so big but nevertheless fat nose, actually) ever since i was in 2nd standard. 

Looking back at the above passage, i wonder how the art of forming simple sentences that make clear sense evade a "fully accomplished engineering student". I have to say that i am unable to make that passage more coherent, and may be that is because of the fact that i am speaking about myself rather than what i think about other things (Once you come to understand the line, you will realise i am being Honest).

To save you all from the pain of "what the heck is he saying" feeling, i present to you the summary ->

->I've woken up to realise that Tv is a dispensable commodity and the events scheduled on it need not          disrupt what ever you are doing unless of course you are watching some other channel :) .

You were subjected to the above passages only because i chose to sit at home and watch a BPL match instead of going to Charminar and eating Haleem along with my Dad and his friends.

Reader's backlash:-

1)Why the goddamn dramatisation??

monkeys don't dramatise, they just go about their work which unfortunately appears as a drama to others.

2) Why should we read about what you do and not do?

it's my blog and no matter how much i try to not get myself involved there are bound to be such cases. More over, it's my personal feeling that posts pertaining to me are better than those relating to things not-me.

3) I don't see why i should give a damn

i think you have already made this point in the earlier statement and moreover by saying this, don't you think you are giving a damn (i am confused how that is, but i'm not going to retract)

4) why enroll it in the college blogroll for god's sake?

I won't (from now on) if your peers second it

5) Why this dialogue sequence at the end?? do you really fear a backlash?

oops, i'm being a bit too honest

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Best of September of last year (part-1)

I want to update my blog but i don't feel like writing. So i am going to take the easy way out and dig in to my older entries :( 

Lame ? yes, but surely better than nothing

Same time last year i was on a posting rampage and that too when my blog had barely any visitors. You see, back then i was yet to know about the existence of a college blogroll and moreover, my friends didn't (read :don't) give a damn.

Best of September of last year:-

Context :- End of third sem Mid-sems

Content -> I write this post wondering whether i burned my tongue or the roof my mouth. The culprit was by the way, not a hot lady (raunchy thoughts, huh), it was just some really hot food. The taste was anything but hot but then what can one expect in a canteen of a research institute. Having said that my performance in the gone-by exams was as tasteless as the aforementioned food.

I know that you don't give a damn about my screwed up grades but anyway, i would like to elaborate a bit on my quite dumb exploits during the course of my exams. First of all, gone are those days when i used to attend classes only for attendance, these days it seems that i even attend exams just for the sake of attendance. The only thing which i usually get right in the examination hall , is my signature on the attendance sheet.

This may feel funny but it damn sure ain't funny. So what do i do during the whole exam, i just keep pondering over how i managed to get myself into such a hopeless situation in the first place. May be this place ain't for me, may be i am so irresponsible or may be i should work hard the next time or may be i should just stop this non-sensical chain of may-be's.

Whatever i do or don't do, this blog will keep getting updated as long as i continue to stay in this non-hot college of mine. I am actually quite amazed that terrorists haven't struck during the past week when festivities reached a feverishly high state.

Context:- Pre mid sems and post WLAN installation in OBHEB

Content-> I have my mid-sems from the day after the day after tomorrow and my preparation is as patchy as this opening sequence. This may not sound original at all, since almost all of your friends must be humming these words in your ears 24 X 7. On the bright side, the exams will last for only three days and they will quite surely disappear into the distant horizons  of my mind, even before i realize what hit me.

I feel like a scavenger right now, feeding on the bits and pieces of wireless signals left unconsumed by my peers. This was supposed to be the case prior to the installation of the wireless routers (in my block) but my condition continues to be the same, thanks to the highly ineffective "state of the art" equipment. Having said that, scavengers tend to lose the art of appreciation after a course of time, which makes them incapable of even distinguishing between the good and rotten food.

Context:- Reviews of FIFA 08 demo and Tarantino's Deathproof

Content-> There is no need to buckle up your seats or anything, for the reviews, are for two completely insignificant man made creations. The first one amongst this happens to be FIFA 08 (demo version). Having been addicted to this game for the past season, i have to say that the new one ain't so different from the old one.

The major and most interesting change has to be the one done to the goal-keeper who has been designed to be a more pro-active figure unlike the previous editions where he almost never left his line. Since i have played only the demo version i haven't had a chance to find out about the new " Be a Pro" feature where you get to play with a single player for the whole course of the match.

Coming to the visual aspect, the turf seems greener and the stands seem fuller but the clarity has clearly gone astray. I am hoping that, that won't be the case with the full version.

The other review is concerned with the Tarantino part of " Grindhouse" namely "Deathproof ". True to his usual conventional style,Tarantino has managed to churn out yet another unconventional movie. (I am not complaining though)

The beginning part of the movie runs solely on the finer side of feminism (which happens to include some vulgar yet appealing body movements designed to present the character as bootylicious). The fun really begins in the "after six months" segment where the director moves away from the ladies' tushies (finally) to concentrate on some freaky car rides.

I would have dismissed this movie as thrash except for the last 30 mins which are really fun to watch. I would recommend this movie only to men, as women might find this one a bit offending. Go ahead gentlemen , have a blast :) .

Context:- Present Day

Content:- Enough for today, see you later

Saturday, August 30, 2008

Philosophy, UG3 and a three point blah

Is blogging on a day when everyone's busy blogging a bright choice ? Isn't there a risk of your blog getting drowned in amidst all the view points being strewn around as if there would be no other day to blog?

Anyway, i respect the initiative taken and this is the least that i could do.

1) Philosophical Blah ?:-

We are born, cared,clothed, fed, cleaned, fed more, enrolled, praised, scolded, appreciated, ridiculed,failed, passed, elated, selected, counselled,ragged, "enlightened", celebrated, assessed, questioned, hired, loved, fired, dumped, re-hired, retired, admitted, cried, stereo typed but not once, do we look at the big picture.

For a child, a big picture is that which hangs on his bedroom wall. For a young student, the big picture is marks. For a teenager the big picture is trying to appear cool. For a young man, the big picture is career and thus, each stage of our life passes on but ultimately, at the end of the day all that there is, is a life wasted.

Why do people immerse themselves in meaning-less activities like learning about things which they know they won't be doing/using? Let me tell you a story.

Long Long ago but not so long ago when monkeys had evolved into humans and humans having eaten Center fresh had domesticated donkeys and farmed and discovered and invented and industrialized and termed themselves Civilized, a blunder came into being and the blunder kept growing everyday because no human cared to stand up to it and those who did were dismissed as sinners /outlaws/losers. Thus, we are where we are. (end of story)

We study hard through out our childhood and then we work even harder through out our adulthood and then we live no more. For a child who enjoys reading and for an adult who enjoys working, this system is fine, error-proof, stainless steel and what not, but for those who don't like the whole concept of forced academics, 9-5 work and many other such established notions this life is just a Circus.

Originally, i had planned to elaborate the above views and come with a counter-perspective for the same, but having learned that Gandhi(ji) also had some similar thoughts about civilization i decided not to dwell on the whole issue. Just for the record, Gandhi(ji) came up with his theory after spending many years in rascist RSA where as i came up with something similar after just a couple of years in this College. (No inferences are encouraged)

2) UG-3 (exclusive) Blah:-

What's wrong with UG-3? They seem to be obsessed with the usage of terms like "power thirst" and "politics". Until yesterday this disease was foreign to the "southerners" but the anticipatory "over hyped" CR elections saw to it that no one was left untouched.

First it was for Felicity, now it is for CR, devil knows what they'll end up fighting for next time around. As a matter of fact, if Blogging were to be considered seriously by them, they might even blame the adjudicators of the "Blog of the Week" of indulging in power hungry politics.

3) A 3 point Blah:-

i) Prevention is better than Cure

ii) What cannot be prevented must be cured and what cannot be cured must be endured

iii) What cannot be endured must be endured with a greater effort

There's just no escaping (I say it once again, inferences are not encouraged).

p.s:- I'm also aware of the advantages associated with blogging today. SO please don't waste your time by trying to point them out.

p.s 2:- The usage of the term "philosophy" is debatable

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Rules of the House for the Squatters of the Fifth House and a "tag line"

It seems that the existence of a fifth House was mooted* recently at a "Parliament session". I don't exactly know what else was said about it since i wasn't there. I am actually nowhere at most of the times and that makes me a faithful member of this "fifth house".

Before i became a member of this fifth house, i was put into a house well known for it's notoriously non-functional intake . On hindsight, me being put up there was a masterstroke from whoever concerned with such putting up activities. You must be knowing that it is okay for a Jew to joke about a Jew, himself being a Jew. So it must also be okay for me to joke about my non-fifth house having been a member of it myself.

"But who am i to comment on their performance and what worth would such comments be since i myself don't perform". To clarify matters, I am not a student of this school of thought and secondly, You would have no objection to the things written here if you too weren't one. Anyway, i ain't gonna comment on the show put up by this house on Fresher's Nite. So irrespective of which school you hail from, you shouldn't be having any objection(s).

So changing tracks and jumping on to the bandwagon of the fifth house, let me propose a few basic rules for this house:-

1) No member shall ever participate in any inter-house events and it would be better if one didn't even know about them in the first place.

2) The membership of the house should be strictly confidential and the members are supposed to move under the cover of other houses (we all know which house has the biggest umbrella for this purpose).

3) Thou shalt be ashamed not for being such an inactive component and non-existent participant.

4)Thou shalt observe "International Day of Apathy" every day.

5) Finally, excessive amateurish usage of Shakespearean may lead to nauseousness and should be avoided at all times.

p.s 1:-Is this post a plausible entrant for the "Blog of the week" event?, I couldn't have cared less

p.s 2:- Will the above p.s have any bearing upon the verdict ?, once again i couldn't have cared any less

p.s 3:- My non-existent brother aged 2, came up with a tag for Felicity (aah, the mention of the name brings back sweet memories) and it goes something like

Felicity->no need for any publicity

(* denotes the words whose usage i have no idea about, but nevertheless ended up using).

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Larks and Owls and a whole lot of Howlers

So are you a lark or an owl? i say what difference does it make whether you sleep early or get up late. One feels drowsy either way in the classroom!! (that happens to be the general opinion by the way).

Even if the authorities concerned think otherwise it would be hard (read impossible) for them to force their ideas upon students who believe that the base camp for their ascent towards the heights of "coolness" can be established only by ridiculing the college authorities (if you disagree with the mentioned attitude of students, then may god bless you for you are the rare exception and also the real thing).

Anyway this endeavour of Larks Vs. Owls has resulted in the class hours being restricted and has in turn seriously jeopardised the prospects of those hunting for a viable elective/HSSM. To begin with there were only seven courses to choose from and just when you thought that things couldn't get any more messed up, this crammed time table came along, which not only further limited the options but also left room only for those courses which ironically have no room to accommodate the 100 odd students registered.

[ They say that you should have an idea as to whom you are addressing while you write, but having read the opening passages, i am not sure who the honored ones are]

In addition to all of this there comes a mail from Mr.G claiming that more than 60 students for a course is a no-no. If you are any good at math you will have no difficulty in grasping the idiocy reeking(sorry, pounding) behind the whole procedure. 

A note:- Do not lose sleep over the sleeping patterns of the students because they are old enough and (should be) responsible enough to take care of their own a**es. The implementation of any kind of a rule would be completely unnecessary and uncalled for because if you do it, then they wouldn't learn to deal with their own problems. What the heck, the guy causing disturbance would only be a fellow student and if they can't work that out then god knows who can help them out.

p.s Ever heard of the term "symbiosis"?

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

The alternate blog updated

New post at http://arcticmonkey.wordpress.com

I ain't gonna tell about what it is because i don't want you to formulate the view of "who cares" based solely upon the topic. Well, the whole concept of trailers is based upon giving a "sneak-peek" into what's in store but i ain't gonna go that way because most of them mislead and i don't intend to do so.

Friday, July 11, 2008

Dentist visited

"Hey, how about a movie tomorrow morning", " No man, i've got an appointment with my dentist".

Truth be told, i haven't been able to turn down any such request over the past 3 months and this impending visit to the dentist gave me an opportunity to do so but sadly not one soul was free to ask me in the first place. That in essence has been the story of this vacation, me searching for a companion only to find out that each one of them is busy with some project/ internship/ some other equally important "career building" errand.

Anyway, this was my first trip to a dentist (technically it was the second trip, i had gone yesterday but right at the moment when the machine* was about to make an impression, there was a power cut, so i had to return with no work done) and i have to say that i must have seen one a lot earlier considering the condition of some of my teeth which have been in a despicable condition right since my high school days. Maybe "despicable" ain't the right term to describe their condition but i don't want to get into all those details since it might make a piece of unnecessarily disturbing information for those interested in me :) (cheeky)

So why did it take all these years to visit a dentist ? It was due to a certain gentleman named Ogden Nash who so convincingly dismissed a trip to a dentist as a painful experience. I wouldn't call the experience painful but when i come to think about it, it does leave me bit uneasy. In fact, at one stage the smell emanating from the procedure was so stifling that it reminded of a boat trip taken down to Lord Buddha.

Here's the man (not Lord Buddha but Mr.Nash) himself speaking:-

This is gonna hurt just a lil bit

One thing I like less than most things is sitting in a dentist chair with my mouth wide open.

And that I will never have to do it again is a hope that I am against hope hopen.

Because some tortures are physical and some are mental,
But the one that is both is dental.
It is hard to be self-possessed
With your jaw digging into your chest.

So hard to retain your calm
When your fingernails are making serious alterations in your life line or love line or some other important line in your palm;

So hard to give your usual effect of cheery benignity
When you know your position is one of the two or three in life most lacking in dignity.

And your mouth is like a section of road that is being worked on.
And it is all cluttered up with stone crushers and concrete mixers and drills and steam rollers and there isn’t a nerve in your head that you aren’t being irked on.

Oh, some people are unfortunate enough to be strung up by thumbs.
And others have things done to their gums,
And your teeth are supposed to be being polished,
But you have reason to believe they are being demolished.

And then at last he says That will be all; but it isn’t because he then coats your mouth from cellar to roof
With something that I suspect is generally used to put a shine on a horse’s hoof.

And you totter to your feet and think. Well it’s all over now and afterall it was only this once.
And he says come back in three monce.

And this, O Fate, is I think the most vicious circle that thou ever sentest,
That Man has to go continually to the dentist to keep his teeth in good condition
when the chief reason he wants his teeth in good condition
is so that he won’t have to go to the dentist.

p.s 1:- A portion of the poem has been edited out

p.s 2 :- For those interested in me , there's no reason for you to feel betrayed since my teeth are back in prime and you can duly forget that this post ever existed.

p.s 3:- I'm currently reading "Midnight's Children" which indulges in the usage of narrative difficult to comprehend. I don't know how much it influenced me but the result is there for you to see.

Song of the day :- Teddy Picker (Arctic Monkeys)

Monday, June 23, 2008

First dig at non digital diary

Originally written during the days of IPL and kept under wraps due to lack of digitalisation facilities.

Why am i using a pen to pen my thoughts when i could have so easily used the keyboard. There are surprisingly many reasons behind this exercise of which some are quite reasonable - for a change.

Firstly, i have been spending a lot of time in front of the tiresome trio* that any time spent away from them is a welcome respite. Secondly, i also thought that this little exercise can go a long way in helping me improve my handwriting which as of know resembles any of the many incoherent scribblings expected from a bottom of the class kindergarten student. (p.s:- i was an excellent student during my schooling days, so that rules out self reference in the above case)

I have to admit that this gel pen ain't helping my cause. If this pen were a human being and i were a famous person i would have had no hesitation in filing a defamation suit (but as it stands both seem quite improbable with one of them even more so than the other).

Anyway, the other reason as to why i resorted to this was due to a belief that handwriting is influenced by a person's way of thinking and vice-versa. As of now, all of my letters slant towards the left. This phenomenon not only makes my handwriting look ugly but also projects me as a negative thinker. Well, i used to be negative in the past but these days i am only unsure.

So one of my aims, before i undertook this 'venture' was to correct the slant and thereby my attitude. Sadly, my hand is refusing to budge and i as a result am just as pessimistic as before. Maybe i should make a serious effort at buying for myself a cursive handwriting book before the vacation runs out. Once that is done, i can sit back and decide what to do with it.

* TV, Laptop, Desktop

p.s:- I have digitalised the post for reasons quite obvious.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

My first and last short story (till date)

I thought that it was quite brave (read dumb) of me to submit the following story as part of course work. Anyway, read on..................

A Day At The Office

Mr. Editor, as he liked himself to be called, woke up to the cacophonic tune of his alarm and was immediately alarmed on noticing that his clock had gone off before the sunrise. This experience had become a common occurrence during this time of the year over the past few years but somehow it never ceased to amaze, or rather alarm him.

He could still quite distinctively recall all the vivid memories of his childhood mornings, when the sun would have been almost halfway through the eastern skies before he had an opportunity to lay an eye upon it (during this time of the year).

After some private thought which was attended to whilst he was indulgent in his early morning chores, Mr. Editor decided that he could fill up a column in his newspaper with the help of this topic.

With the decision being made all that was now left to be done by Mr. Editor was to find some ordinary men for the ordinary job. He would have loved to do the job on his own but he knew, more than anyone else, the dangers that came associated with the association with the thoughts arising in his mind.

Spring may be famous for its pleasant weather but McManus was certainly famous for his foul temper which was evident not only in spring but through out the year. The fact that he was awoken from his sleep early in the morning didn’t help tip the scale towards pleasantness either.

McManus hadn’t always been the ordinary person that he is today. He had seen both good and bad times in his past.
His professional career had got off to an exceptional start and was in fact a darling of the critics for quite a considerable amount of time. He had been a writer for whom words came as easily as floods in an Indian monsoon. Even though he was aware of the envious status that he enjoyed amongst his peers he was never quite able to put a finger on the reasons responsible for his position. But now with the words having deserted him he came to realise what he had back then and no longer had, an inherent ability to put things in perspective with the help of words.

When he first realized that words were no longer something that he could summon at will he began to get worried and ultimately this worry of his transformed itself into frustration which in turn led to violent outbursts from his side.

These actions of his left his wife with no other option but to leave him. In the weeks following his wife’s departure McManus continued to slide at an exponential rate towards depression, and finally when he could slide no more he made up his mind to put an end to it all by putting a bullet in his head.

When the moment to pull the trigger had arrived McManus was left  with a smile across his face. He was so impressed with his suicide note that he felt that “there was life in the auld dawg yet”

However, that turned out to be a false dawn and McManus began to live a new life playing the part of an ordinary writer with an interesting past.

“Hello”, bellowed McManus as he answered the phone. “As far as I can recall, I am your Boss and I don’t remember ordering you to treat me with such disdain?” complained Mr. Editor, as he began to get dressed for the day ahead. “I am really sorry sir, I was speaking in my sleep”, said McManus trying to sound apologetic.

“Apology accepted, McManus. Now stop wasting your time and hurry along to the office. I have an interesting task for you” said Mr. Editor whilst scrutinizing himself in the mirror. He became so deeply occupied with his reflection that he had no room left in his mind to reflect upon McManus’s reply.

When Dilbert reached the publishing office, he was taken aback at the sight of McManus so early in the morning. “So, did you come all the way early in the morning just to beat me to my cup of coffee?” asked Dilbert, trying to sound jovial. “ It seems that the old man’s got a task for me” said McManus as he continued to stare into the distant emptiness. “I’m afraid the ‘old man’ can still hear”, said Mr. Editor as he came thundering towards them in a I-mean-business manner.

“I don’t want to waste any more of my time stuck in this office, lest I should become a Bartleby. So, here’s what I want you to do for me and my paper. Write an article exploring the could-be reasons behind the sun’s recent late appearances on the eastern horizon in the mornings”.

“May be you should start looking towards the west, sir. The other day our rival newspaper published an article which predicted that the Sun would rise in the west in the not too distant future” said Dilbert, laughing out loud.

“I always knew that they were nut cases”, said Mr. Editor in a pleased manner as he got up to leave the room.

The very next day a column appeared in Mr. Editor’s newspaper which explored all the various plausible explanations responsible for the alleged delay of the sun rise. The article, co-written by McManus and Dilbert, touched upon many a reason but excluded the most important of them all and that was the change in the geographical location of Mr. Editor.

The Newspaper Column:

Rapid Industrialization bringing about our planet’s slowdown?
It’s unofficially official folks. Our planet has begun to slow down and experts believe that global warming might be the culprit yet again. In a startling revelation made late yesterday evening, some leading scientists offered to let the cat out of the bag provided their identity be held within the bag. On being assured of leak proof anonymity, the scientists finally came forward to put forth their ideas………….. (the end)

What i tried to do was to write a story which in essence has no plot or basis. I know that my premise doesn't quite make any sense but then i thought if Tarantino could pull it off then why can't I ? At the end of it all, I was quite surprised (read relieved) that i got 6.5/10 for my effort. There were also some 4-5 lines of feedback which i haven't been able to decipher till date (from what little i could make out it sounded pretty positive, LOL).

p.s:- The material presented here is the crude form of my story. I couldn't produce the refined version since it was hand written.

Thursday, May 8, 2008

The Se7en Sins -> Reloaded, uploaded and ready to be dissected

The Pope hasn't yet featured in this blog. So i guess i owe the hypocrites one for their leader. Don't you think that the Vatican doubles up as a haven for a bunch of hypocrites?

Well, not all might agree with that but as far as the virtual world goes, there is no doubting that the Blogosphere is the safest haven for real life hypocrites ( Don't cringe mate, i ain't referring to you).

So coming back to the Pope, i happen to be more interested in his place of residence than in his "majesty". The thing about his P.O.R* is that recently a list of an additional seven new sins came out from there. In case you missed the movie Se7en *ing Brad Pitt, the existing list was something like this:-

a) Pride

a.k.a ego is what everyone's actually entitled to but some people bitten by hypocrisy refuse to acknowledge.

b) Envy

Common Name- Jealousy

Widespread among students

c) Gluttony

Holidays aren't the right time to be discussing this.

d) Lust

what's wrong with a healthy sexual appetite?? (oops)

e) Anger

It's better to explode than to implode !!

f) Greed

Well, greedy students get more marks

g) Sloth

The fact that laziness was even considered shows how much the people of the world are obsessed with the never ending urge to work.

The list has been somewhat extended and now also includes:-

1. "Bioethical" violations such as birth control

2. "Morally dubious" experiments such as stem cell research

3. Drug abuse

4. Polluting the environment

5. Contributing to widening divide between rich and poor

6. Excessive wealth

7. Creating poverty

The decision to include 1,2,3, and 6 isn't exactly ethical since they abuse an individual's moral right to do whatever he or she deems is best for him/her.
Here's another list for you:-

1. Watching movies via illegal downloads instead of going to a theater

2. Making a B-grade movie with A-list actors

3. Including a dog in every ad that you come up with

4. Giving the last over to a spinner in a crunch situation

5. Advocating terrible singers like Himesh

6. Reading blogs instead of writing

7. Blaming yourself for your downfalls

p.s:- I might explain the above 7 sins in a much more detailed manner in the next post. Could have done that right now, but my beloved Bangalore team's heading onto the field and i don't want to miss their game irrespective of how much they suck.

(maybe AB could have held on to that last ball catch)

Friday, May 2, 2008

Farcical Football Fracas

All that i know regarding which team i support is that it ain't Arsenal. I had no questions over my loyalty couple of seasons ago when Solskjaer and Beckham were part of Manchester United. Their departure coinciding with the arrival of Xabi Alonso meant that i began watching more of Liverpool and less of Manchester United. With the arrival of Ballack, Chelsea too ceased to be a bitter foe.

So right now i am only averse to Arsenal and am very much a neutral when the other three tee off against each other. However if you were to force me into a tight situation i would go with Manchester United.

Post Match Talk/slang:-

"Li-ver-pool Li-ver-pool, kicking arse was never so cool"-> Rafa, after the trilogy against Arsenal

"There's no denying that all that we managed to do this season was to get our arse gunned down. Having said that, it was all down to us. The opposition had no part to play in it"-> Arsene Wenger in reply

"Manchester United were kicked in the Ballacks today" -> John Terry after their 2-1 win over the red devils

"I don't give a shit as to who our opposition will be"-> Sir Alex after reaching the Champions league final.

He was sighted pissing in his pants the next day when Chelsea came through.

Disclaimer:- You can't just go on writing about football without using slang. Well, actually you can but that wouldn't do justice to the standards set by the professional players.

My all time favorite football players:-

1) Ole Gunnar Solskjaer (have trouble spelling his name correctly though)

2) Xabi Alonso (give him more free kicks!!!)

3) David Beckham (irrespective of what you might say)

4) Michael Ballack (Chelsea ain't the team to be playing in)

5) Bojan Kirkic (won't support Barca though, no way)

p.s:- The order ain't random.

p.s:- You wouldn't be the first to discover that this post is utter rubbish. I beat you to that :)

Thursday, May 1, 2008

Chi Chi Chelsea

aaah crap, Chelsea won both the matches

p.s 1:-Judging by recent performances, Chelsea appear to have an edge over Man U and yesterday's victory over Liverpool will only add another edge to that edge.

p.s 2:- Avram Grant may well end up with a dubious distinction of being a manager to get fired irrespective of winning both the Champions league and the Premiership.

p.s 3:-Why can't Lampard score from penalties for England like he does for his beloved Chelsea?? A good way of preventing him from scoring a penalty might be to dangle an England shirt in front of him before he runs up to take a penalty.

p.s 4:- It was Ballack's penalty and he should have been given the opportunity to go for it. Another reason for Ballack to leave the club, i suppose.

p.s 5:- I was hoping that Liverpool could do a Bayern Munich, but sadly Xabi Alonso let Chelsea off the hook with that horrendous effort right after Cech had given them some hope. Had he put in a decent ball pandemonium would have ensued which could have led to that all important third goal. That would have not only kept Chelsea's unbeaten run at home intact but would also have sent Liverpool through to the final.

p.s 6:- In case you don't know, Bayern Munich had come from being 3-1 down at the end of the 1st ET to draw the away match at 3-3 and to level the tie at 4-4 to advance on away goals in the quarter finals in the UEFA cup.

p.s 7:- The identity of the opposition in that game is immaterial since no one remembers losers but the biggest loser of them all Abbandonzieri, deserves a mention for discovering a new low in goal keeping standards during the last 5 minutes of that tie.

p.s 8:- I ain't gonna make any predictions regarding the premiership and the UCL winners because all that i am sure of is of Avram Grant getting fired.

p.s 9:- Writing a post with the use of multiple p.s is such a pleasure.

p.s 10:- Have you downloaded Coldplay's latest single yet ?? or am i the only Coldplay sucker going around

p.s 11:- More on Coldplay later

p.s 12:- I ain't a gay

p.s 13:-All the Coldplay listeners were branded as gays in the movie, "40 year old virgin"

p.s 14:- Chelsea won, chi chi chi

p.s 15:- For non-telugu readers, "chi" is a word used to express mild disgust

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Champions League

The latest midweek midnight offerings of the champions league were all about mistakes and the biggest of them all was the presence of three premier league teams in the semi-finals. The premier league teams are surely the strongest in the world but considering the fact that their national team is the weakest, it is but a mistake that they be so dominating.

Premier League is supposedly the best league in the world and Manchester United is undeniably the best team in this league. So  what the heck was yesterday's match all about ?

Considering the form of Barcelona, Manchester United should have quite easily won the match or at the least , should have dominated the proceedings. But what conspired was that they were not only reduced to counter attacking but were also forced to suffice with a meagre 35% ball possession. Add to that Ronaldo's penalty miss and what we get is a clear picture of Chokers.

Stats have it that Man Utd have been to the semifinals 9 times (prior to this year)  but all that they have managed to do is to go down 7 of those times. So maybe yesterday's performance wasn't surprising after all.

Liverpool seem to be the only English team capable of rising to the occasion but they too have faltered (albeit temporarily) this time around. Riise surely rose to the occasion (but for the wrong team) and saw to it that the second leg wouldn't be a drab 0-0 draw, which would surely have been the case had Liverpool won 1-0.

Chelsea were once again lackluster all around except for maybe Michael Ballack who showed that he doesn't belong in that unimaginative team cumulated courtesy Russian currency. Chelsea surely don't deserve to win any silverware this season and i hope Liverpool and Man United do exactly that over the week.

Based on these two matches, Liverpool deserve to win the champios league.

Manchester United, on the other hand can end the season with just the premier league title.

Chelsea can happily get rid off Avram Grant citing a feasible reason.

Barcelona and Arsenal can continue playing their fancy football albeit unsuccessfully.

p.s:- IPL match between Mumbai and Chennai was much better than all this disappointing football.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Monkey Chronicles *ing Dud(e)

"Leading a life governed only by the schedule of programs on TV" is what i am doing right now and thankfully, i ain't enjoying it.

Had i been enjoying it, i would have simply been a disgrace to myself. Having said that, just because not liking what you do doesn't let you escape from the fact that you are doing it in the first place. So, that implies that i still am a disgrace to myself.  (How can one be a disgrace to self ??!!!. I currently have no idea, i shall make it a point to bring it up the day i come to know)

Some random online dictionary describes vacation as:-

1: a respite or a time of respite from something

2: a period of exemption from work granted to an employee

3: a period spent away from home or business in travel or recreation

It is high time that some of these terms are re-defined for sloths who keep slouching all over the world these days.

Let's analyze the discrepancies of the above definition when applied to sloths a.k.a couch potatoes a.k.a douche bags a.k.a bloggers a.k.a programmers ( the last two entries may not be ideal but nevertheless, they are worth a mention).

Analysis of the above defns:-

Definition 1:- A sloth only knows how to not do anything and vacations certainly don't provide respite from that activity. If anything, they further feed the sloth's appetite for inactivity.

Definition 2:- A sloth does no work and is moreover not an employee. He is the Boss and he hardly needs any exemption from work!!

Definition 3:- A sloth never steps out of his home during vacation. So this "period" is purely fictional.

There we go, all that rubbish nonsense effectively rules out the application of that definition to a sloth. Come to think of it, I don't know why i am speaking about sloths right now especially when i have got so much to do.

Dude:- hey sloth, wassup??

Dud:- Now, why would you call me something like that. Have you been reading my blog?

Dude:- Shut up douche bag.  How dare you associate me with something as disgraceful as blogging?

Dud:- your choice of words is very singular, i must admit

Dude:- if you mean as opposed to plural, then yes it is.

Dud:- Now where did "plural" come from?$@@#@#! oh, never mind. Anyway, the one feeling which i get each each time a vacation's done is "where have all the days gone?"

Dude :- maybe you should begin your search by looking up your a** first. Too bad, it isn't as easy as Google search.

Dud:- What the heck? That was a sincere Query

Dude:- So here's a sincere Return. Stop thinking of "what was", just think about what is and what is to be

Dud:- Look who's talking. It's none other than the monkey who sold his ferrari

Dude:- LOL , up yours mate

Monday, April 21, 2008

IPL Talkies- Take 2

"Each team can field only up to four overseas players". That restriction may not be so restricting for teams like Mumbai but when it comes to Bangalore, it is indeed a mighty selection head ache.

For Delhi:- They went in to their first match with McGrath, Vettori, Geeves and Maharoof. Their squad also comprises of Shoaib Malik, Mohd Asif, Dilshan and AB de Villiers. Based on their opening match performance, common sense would suggest that they replace Vettori and Geeves with Malik and Asif. This would leave them not only with a slightly under strength batting line up but would also leave AB on the bench :( .

For Bangalore:- They arguably have the toughest decisions to make. With the overseas squad comprising of Boucher, Kallis, Misbah, Cameron White, Chanderpaul, Steyn, Ross Taylor (and couple of other players), they are sure to have a whale of a time in picking their final XI.
I would want atleast 6 of those in my team at any point of time but.... that's not what's gonna happen. So my 4 would be Boucher, Misbah, Chanderpaul and a rotation policy b/w Taylor and Steyn.

As far as the other teams go, i have no issues about them.

Saturday, April 19, 2008

IPL Talkies - Day 1

Disclaimer:- It has been a long time since i've written a post and this one as a result is a bit rusty, but it surely takes the monkey off my back :)

Bangalore Royal Challengers, in reality, shouldn't be as tame as they were forced to look yesterday. They, in fact form a decent test outfit and possess the capabilities to turn the tables against any opposition (even in this format), provided the pitch assists bowling. The best way to bounce back would be to take advantage of their technical prowess, and what better way to do it than to play their home matches on seamer friendly tracks. This would not only give give Dale Steyn and company an opportunity to knock off the visitors for paltry totals but also Dravid and company some time to settle in.

These matches may then be termed as "non entertaining", but one really shouldn't mind as long as the home team keeps winning. If they continue to play their matches on such feather beds, things can only get worse (at least until Misbah and Chanderpaul join the team). The other factor which might hurt them is their stadium. The absence of big hitters amongst their ranks will prevent them from utilizing the short boundaries where as their opposition will have every opportunity to do otherwise.

Coming to the Kolkata Knight Riders, SRK should seriously consider changing his team's attire (which is anything but pleasant at the moment). They are at present, one of the three favorites to win the trophy (Hyderabad and Chennai being the other two). I personally want Delhi to do well as they have AB de Villiers in their team but having said that, one can only wonder about the number of matches he is gonna get to play because of the limit on the number of overseas players in the playing XI.

Brendon McCullum, as usual, excelled in the presence of short boundaries and keeping that in mind, he should consider moving away from Kolkata at the end of the season (as they play their home matches at Eden gardens which is.... not the smallest of stadiums) .

The non stop flow of ads (even in between the overs) is one reason why i have come to prefer football over cricket. So tonight, its gonna be BPL, not IPL (on my TV).

Saturday, March 8, 2008

Crap available in all shapes 'n sizes

Disclaimer :- Only for fans of Arctic Monkey (that implies for you as well :) )

Crap 1:-

I tend to fantasize every statement i make which at times completely ruins the total essence of the statement.

For instance, consider the following not so suitable example (but an example nevertheless)

Normal statement:- Ram goes to school

My crappy statement:- The weather's cool and Ram's cursing himself for having to go to school

Notice the not so subtle change? I tend to introduce things like that most of the time in order to make the statement look ..........different.

Crap 2:-

I have to submit a "short story" in a week's time and needless to say, the situation doesn't look bright.

Here are some professional reviews on the amateurish crap that i so prolifically* dish out :-

1) I use many expressions that are not supported and some which are unspecified

2) I ungrammatically separate the parts of sentences by using commas

Unfortunately for both you and me, i haven't got many of my writings reviewed. So i'm afraid i can't add anything more to that list .

Crap 3 :-

I searched rather futilely* for an earlier post where i had scrutinized my own writing. I have realized that the title of the post and the post have no bearing whatsoever on each other.

Crap 4 :-

If you had bothered to read my earlier predictions and then followed the corresponding results you must have noticed my unwavering accuracy :)

So that extraordinary strike rate has given me the incentive to make the following outrageous predictions in regard to the to-be draw :-

Manchester United vs Roma
Chelsea vs Liverpool

Schalke vs Fenerbahce

Arsenal vs Barcelona

Things can't get any more weirder (for now at least)

* i don't know if these words exist

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

UCL Predictions

Writing a post every other day has become such a pain in parts i don't wanna explain. So i figured out that a better alternative would be to just shut up and comment on what others have to say/write.

This is in stark contrast to my earlier self when i would just write and write without ever bothering to read what others are up to. Looks like things have changed, but for good or bad, i can't say. Maybe the recipients of my comments will have something to say about that.

p.s 1:- It seems that i have a problem with commas!!, so please leave them out at your own convenience

p.s 2:- this post ain't long enuff to be a post. So here are my predictions for today's and tomorrow's matches

1) Man Utd to romp home against Lyon

2) Barcelona to do likewise against Celtic

3) Liverpool to hold on to their lucky lead (match's on 11th BTW)

4) Arsenal may go through or not depending on whether they score or not

5) Real Madrid to get knocked out by Roma

6) Chelsea to beat Olympiakos

It's 1:15 which means i'm gonna leave this thing abruptly

By the way, India truly kicked Oz in places which matter

Monday, March 3, 2008


Aren't the members of the Opposition the luckiest people in the parliament ? All that they have to do is to find fault with the government's policies. What makes their job even more simpler is that, their criticisms needn't be funny (like that of a Jon Stewart or a Vir Das).

The simplicity of their job became even more evident in the way they responded to the finance budget. All that they had to say about the loan waiver was that, it had come too late. What kind of a retort is that ?%#^#*

All that the leader of the opposition had to say was, "the budget has communal overtones". Come on man, you seriously need to hire a person to help you sound smarter. Just having the Left party as a member of the ruling coalition doesn't mean that everything has to be oriented towards the left !!

The announcement of the waiver also led to the plunging of all bank stocks which was kinda surprising because such schemes will make the farmers borrow money from the banks instead of the money lenders and this only means more profit for banks (unless the government steps in, of course). Looks like the stock markets are as narrow-minded as the opposition party members.

News in Brief :-

Indian cricket had a rocking Sunday yesterday with both the seniors and juniors fighting hard to grab the head lines

Arsenal's title hopes are seen slipping away into the hands of Manchester united

Liverpool continues it's "neither here nor there" sort of run in the premiership

Real Madrid extends lead in La Liga to 5

Mourinho to take over at Camp Nou towards the end of the season and Lampard, Joe Cole might be heading over there

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Suit Yourself

I need to write something really interesting or controversial in the first two lines for the post to get noticed. So here's a post which tries to be both, albeit on a minute scale.

Here are some statements which might interest people

1) The "Felicity review dinner" was dinner unparallel`. The food served was so sumptuous and fulfilling that i didn't even need to eat Maggi later on, in my room.

2) Sachin scores yet another century .Crime rate goes up exponentially at the same time, as sinners were convinced that even God was busy watching the Little Master at work with his Bat.

3) Stats which specify the salaries you might be getting on graduation from this college and also, the number of female employees in each of your "Dream companies".

4) Jodha Akbar rakes in the moolah, irrespective of the various bans imposed.

Here are some statements which might piss people off:-

1) Felicity dinner leaves a lot to be desired. People of all batches hurry back to their respective messes to fulfill at least some of those desires.

2) Sachin fails again in the CB series. Dhoni calls for the inclusion of more youngsters at the top of the order. Sachin rubbishes Dhoni's remarks by proclaiming himself as a youngster.

3) ECE course to be scrapped due to the non availability of jobs which are in sync with the knowledge levels displayed by the ECE students and professors alike.

4) "Jodha Akbar" exposes Hrithik's shortcomings as an actor. 'Aam Junta' says it wanted Aishwarya Rai to be exposed, not Hrithik !!

Disclaimer :-

I know NOTHING about the Felicity Dinner. If you know something about it, please let the readers know which category it belongs to.


Unparallel` is to be pronounced as a French word

Note from the Author :-

I had more fun writing the 'piss off' section

Friday, February 22, 2008

IPL bids -> bakwaas, me -> bakwaas(er) :)

The IPL bids have once again shown how poor a cricketing nation we are. By poor, what i mean to say is that we don't know how to appreciate good cricket. All that we care about is our team and our players. The bids made truly reflected the status enjoyed by the Indian cricketers even if they are as defunct as a Mohammad Kaif or as a Suresh Raina.

The fact that Yusuf Pathan got more than Ricky Ponting is in itself a pointer to the lack of cricketing brains of the bidders. All that they kept thinking of was brand value, and if things continue to proceed in this manner, IPL may not attract good overseas players in the future. Foreign players may come to play once they retire but youngsters may prefer to go the Michael Clarke way.

The salaries which they get here may be higher when compared to that paid by their Boards but money doesn't have as big a power as ego has, and this is where the foreigners might feel humiliated. Fortunately, the foreigners have (so far) acted in a very diplomatic manner by only saying that "the bids were surprising". I am sure that they felt a lot more than that, when they came to know that Irfan Pathan's brother had out bid them.

To be out bid by Irfan is a humiliation enough but to be out bid by his brother ##$$#@%

p.s 1)- I have no personal grudge against the Pathans

p.s 2)- Dhoni deserves every penny he got

p.s 3)- For all the Indian fans out there, start learning to appreciate good cricket, irrespective of which  country it comes from; the whole crowd goes silent instead of applauding when a non-Indian player plays a splendid stroke (except for perhaps the Bangalore crowd).

p.s 4)- I don't know how to use this ; thing

p.s 5)-Recently, i got so tired of spending all of my time with my laptop that i decided that "one of us" should go. But since, i am the one capable of thinking, i decided that the laptop should go (PJ of the day).

I am already beginning to regret the decision and am as a result, planning to get my lappy back by Monday. So expect to hear from me more often on topics more relevant than this.


p.s 7- caps lock got switched on by mistake in the above line, but i'm too lazy to delete that and type again

p.s 8- I swear there won't be any more p.s

p.s 9- what's the term for plural p.s ?

Thursday, February 14, 2008

A briefer take on the brief take on felicity...... and "Blog Office" introduced

Comments at last!! They may have branded me as a pussy and a sucker, but i ain't complaining. The post* was basically harmless with some mild dose of criticism. Actually, it had nothing in it to justify the success it has enjoyed at the blog office. I would say that your response has been more entertaining than the post itself.

The ball was set rolling by a person who called himself "god". What kind of a person calls himself god? For a mortal, the term "god" wouldn't mean anything, except perhaps dog when read backwards. Dog or god, he sure was more interested in having a go at me rather than justifying his contrary stance. He also seemed to be obsessed with pussies ( only god knows what they are :) )

It's not so surprising to see that the people who disagree with me are from the UG-2k5 batch. Well, they had worked pretty hard in the months (read weeks) leading up to felicity and as a result, were naturally inclined to support everything that had anything to do with Felicity. May be their judgment was clouded by their large scale involvement with the event.

Anyway, kudos to you organizers. I'm sure that only you people know what a pain in the a** it is to conduct such an event.

All time blog office hits:-

An ever so brief take on felicity$200 m
A (B)ache trip to nowhere$170 m
Some random Pictures$166 m
Interview Blues - 1$160 m
Slipping away$148 m
Not another college bashing$120 m
Bandwidth wars and a stupid poem$118 m
A Movies List that ain't complete$110 m
Better than what i've been writing$98 m
Pen is........$94 m

p.s :-I am relieved that no one has come out in support of the soundtrack

p.s 2:- I hope that god doesn't read this and even if he does, i hope he takes it in the right spirit

p.s 3:- If any of my thoughts invoke slang in you, please feel free to express them

Coming soon : Education Blues (in sync with the times)

Monday, February 11, 2008

An ever so brief take on felicity

Disclaimer :- If you happen to be an organizer (Felicity) and are expecting to be showered with praise, then stop doing so, because this ain't just another "run of the mill" blog.

The disclaimer seemed prudent since 'praising the organizers' seems to be the flavor of the season.

Let me begin with the negatives (so typical of me)

1) Awards

If you hail from NIFT, then all that you have to do to win a prize is to simply participate in a event ! We then take it into our own hands and see to it that not even a single 'NIFT ki kudi' walks away empty handed.

2) Major Nights

They weren't worthy of their billing, both money and otherwise.

The Rock show didn't rock except for the few moshers up front. Last year's show was much better and the present rock scene(in our college) doesn't look so bright.

3) Soundtrack ( It may be the official soundtrack but has little or no bearing at all upon the event)

It sounds childish and......... i better not say more for the description can't get any better

Positives :-

You know all of them. So i guess, i can skip them.

My Participation (if you can call it that) :-

Took part in zombie zone. Got through the first round in FIFA, but didn't show up for the second round ( why?, not so sure i can share it with everyone) and also jumped about a bit, quite uncharacteristic of me.

Thursday, February 7, 2008

Post Match Analysis

England 2 Switzerland 1 read the scoreline, at the end of the match which was kinda flattering since the match deserved no goals. The English were largely responsible for the fiasco, caused due to their unsynchronized style of play.

Wes Brown was quite clearly the most embarrassing player present on the pitch accompanied with his innumerable amount of errors. Capello should see to put an early end to Brown's international career along with the likes of Paul Robinson.

Apart from Brown, Gerrard was the most disappointing courtesy his negative approach. He acted as a bottleneck for the English offense and indulged a lot in back passes. His only sensible contribution through out the match was his match clinching assist. Jenas brought along with him his recently acquired goal scoring run at Tottenham and was rewarded with his debut international goal.

David Bentley played in the position of David Beckham, and was overall a mixed bag. He doesn't have pace ala Wright Phillips or J Cole but has a bit more composure with the ball at his feet. Having said that, he can't cross the ball like Beckham. So Beckham might prove to be a better choice.

Capello did resort to some weird tactics like playing Crouch alone up front with Rooney playing as a winger.  Speaking of Crouch, i think that he is the most under rated English footballer and is more often than not, criticized rather unfairly.

The public broadcaster announced Gerrard as the man of the match for reasons, incomprehensible. J Cole was by far, the best player on view, which made me wonder, as to which match the adjudicators were matching.

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

England's Friendly

Fabio Capello has taken a bold yet, not so bright decision by dropping Beckham (and thereby denying him his 100th cap). It would have been more senseful had he dispensed with him after the friendly against Switzerland. That way Beckham would have got his 100th cap and moreover, Capello could easily have cited Beckham's age as a factor for selection before the next international assignment, which happens to be the world cup qualifiers starting in September.

Capello said that Beckham's lack of match practice brought about his downfall but having said that, he did train with the Arsenal reserve team for about a month. He should have in fact, been rewarded for taking a break from his pop star life.

Rumor has it that Wayne Rooney and Joe Cole will be starting up front, which is kinda surprising since Michael Owen has more often than not, managed to score whilst playing for England.

To tell the truth, Switzerland ain't the best of teams and England should win hands down, no matter the team's combination.


The senior team to follow in the footsteps of their juniors who beat Republic of Ireland 3-0 (yesterday)

Monday, February 4, 2008

Good ol' days

This is the longest break that i have ever taken between two posts. May be, i showed you guys a lot more consideration than you deserve by regulating the contents of the blog (and thereby narrowing down my choices). Earlier on, i would have written whatever i wished to, but these days i no longer do that. Ain't that sad?

I have to say that i would prefer these on any day as compared to the dud(e) shit.






I wouldn't like to spoil the moment by saying anything more

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Some random Pictures

Dud -> "A picture is worth thousand words" said a crazy little man who didn't understand the power of words

Dude -> Leave the little man alone, man. Just tell me what's bothering you

Dud ->  i don't think that a picture is worth a thousand words

Dude -> oh, do you mean to say that it's worth 866 words

Dud -> cut the crap buddy

Dude-> don't you see how much easier it would be if you could just put a picture instead of a thousand, sorry 866 words

Dud -> oh yeah ? show me

Dude -> just stand back and look at the way i fill up this post using pictures instead of the tiresome words



that's the display picture


 that's just a good picture


that's a picture of an Ipod and i do spend a lot of time updating mine



that's AB de Villiers

Dud -> what the heck are you doing? the pictures don't make any sense

Dude-> does everything have to make sense? half of what you write doesn't make any, and moreover it's my day off


you may have heard about them, but you might not have seen them, they are the "Arctic Monkeys"


that's your Australian open women's champion in two days time


 those two won't be playing the final but the one on the left should be pretty confident going into tomorrow's match

 Dude-> what's the problem of this sulky net. I would have uploaded more had it been a bit more co-operative

Dud-> never mind

Dude-> will i be able to do this again ?

Dud -> I certainly hope not


The characters Dud and Dude are protected under the copyright act and are thereby, restricted to appear within this blog

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

A.O, Oscars and Razzies

Part 1:- Australian Open

The Australian open has yet again paved the way for an outsider to reach the men's final . First, it was Baghdatis, then Gonzalez and now Tsonga. While one finalist has been a surprise, the other one has unsurprisingly been the same. Looks like the Swiss guy doesn't know any path other than the road to the final. His domination has been such that he deserves not to lose to any player except, maybe to Marat and Djokovic*.

The women's singles, on the other hand has fortunately not been a one (wo)man show and has, in fact done very well by sending three glamor girls into the last four.

Part 2:- Oscar nominations

Best Picture ->I have watched only two of the five films nominated and i would say that neither of them deserves to be alongside movies like American Beauty, Crash, The Departed and some of the rest.

Best Actor ->I only watched one of them and i must say that except for his naked fight, he has managed to do nothing.

Best Supporting Actor -> Saw two of them, and was impressed by both. Having said that, one of them owes it to his dialogues and the other to his role.

Best Actress -> Could see only one and was surprised that the nomination has gone her way, considering the normal tradition wherein conventional roles aren't recognized.

Supporting Actress -> I didn't notice either of the two in their respective movies (so, WTF)

Part 3 :- Razzies

No razzies ceremony is complete without Lindsay Lohan, and that is precisely what's happened again. I was afraid that the gay movie would go unnoticed but thankfully it hasn't. Our LAN has in fac,t more of these movies than the Oscar ones.

Actors worth mentioning would be

1) Nicolas Cage - got nominated for the worst actor not once, not twice but thrice (Ghost Rider , National Treasure: Book of Secrets and Next)

2) Jessica Alba - Not far behind (Awake , Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer and Good Luck Chuck)

3)Lindsay Lohan:- was nominated twice for each of the dual role she played in I Know Who Killed Me.

Guide to above:-

1) Juno, No country for old men

2) Viggo Mortensen a.k.a Aragorn

3) Phillip Seymour Hoffman, Javier Bardem

4) Ellen Page

5) Ruby Dee, Amy Ryan

the gay movie - "I now pronounce you Chuck and Larry"

*Djokovic, as you might recall is allegedly Marat with a brain

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Literature + 20K

"Strike 3 and.... out"and that relieves me of all the bunking privileges i had in the matter of a course named "Language Programming" which by the way is the technical term for an elective (allegedly) dealing with 'English Literature' in our University (college, they say, ain't the right term to be used for our institution(an institution is by the way not the right term either as the term's mainly related with mental disorders)). That basically sums up the opening statement and also the things that i have learned thus far in the aforementioned course.

Think the above passage is cumbersome ? wait until you read some of the 'hand-outs' we receive in the course. The one's with the name of Rudyard Kipling are typically the icing on the cake in such matters.

Now that i can't bunk anymore, i can dispense the big decision making process that i go through before every Literature class. "To go or not to go" has plagued me many a time and on each occasion i had to do a Hamlet which ain't exactly a joyride.

Speaking of joy, i do have a reason to feel that way, since i've got the Prathiba scholarship (which ain't concerned with merit) which hands over 20,000 for each of the year one spends in engineering (you just have to show that you are a resident of A.P with an annual income of less than 1 lakh, which happens to be the case with every non-government employee :) ). Sadly, one has to renew this every year and i being me, haven't done so. What this means is that it's gonna be a one time offer only.

Anyway, now arises the question spending it. I could indulge it in community service by buying an external hard disk and also in....................................... i would love to add more but my unhealthy CG doesn't permit me to make any more demands:(

"The joy of giving is indeed a pleasure, especially when you get rid of something you don't want"

"So today's assignment would be to link the above phrase with the passage. I don't even know if i will remember to collect the assignments. I am usually busy climbing up different varieties of trees with a digital camera in one hand and a mile long sinister smile on the other hand"

Disclaimers :-

No offenses were intended during the making of the post and the views expressed towards the end aren't exactly personal

There shall be a dramatic improvement in your understanding if you are a student of the course mentioned

Literature and 20K can't be added

Acknowledgements :-

Govt. of A.P

Professus anglican Linnean

Frank Butler

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Tennis season's here

This year has certainly kicked off on a bright note with all the extended week-ends putting up a strong contribution towards the cause (which is better served if not mentioned). All that i wanted to say above was (that) , extended week-ends are good for watching live sporting action on a T.V not surrounded by insane Indian fans.

Moving on (thankfully for you), a grand slam event has come about and with it has brought a feeling that Tennis is the best thing to happen on T.V. Having said that, i have to warn you that i feel the same way about some of the other sports as well :(  or  :)  !!??

Rumour has it that Djokovic is the new Safin, albeit with a brain (read temper) . I don't think Safin would be too offended with the comparison, since the Serbian bloke comes with a sense of humor and more importantly, with a large fan base of squealing girls. I don't know about you people, but i certainly prefer watching a ladies match to that of a men's match due to the fact that they are a much shorter affair and also, because of the obvious fact.

Players/ladies i like watching on the court :-

1) Daniela Hantuchova (was supposed to be the next Kournikova but was soon forgotten due to her incapabilities on the court and Sharapova's capabilities off it)

2) Nicole Vaidisova (wasn't an instant hit but got used to with time)

3) Yaroslava Shvedova ( saw her for the first time with a strapped thigh accompanying her aggressive style and .......   need i say more)

4) Maria Sharapova (Her game's too damn slow and noisy but has something else too)

5) Ana Ivanovic ( A star on rise ?, have to take a closed look :) )

Safin will face Baghdatis tomorrow but sadly, i don't think i will get an opportunity to be a witness to the slaughter.


I am finding it difficult to mention the fact that i am moving on to a different topic. i am tired of using the same phrases like "moving on", "speaking of which", "having said that" etc..

So please help me out (i care, irrespective of you caring or not)

Thursday, January 10, 2008

A Movies List that ain't complete

Had the anonymous comment not come in my way, i would have continued with my "face book" explorations. Anyway, now that i'm here, i would like to write about some Hollywood movies of the past season.

1) No Country for Old Men

If you ask me, the movie ain't worth the critic's billing. The movie's as dry as the terrain depicted in it

2) Knocked Up

My favorite comedy of the (past) year. A bit vulgar may be, but who cares as long as there's something to laugh at

3) Bourne Ultimatum

A movie starring Matt Damon is always a hit with me and this one's no exception. More action than in any Bourne flick. Maybe Jason Bourne ought to replace James Bond

4) I am Legend

Ain't legendary by any yardstick!

5) American Gangster

Godfather vs. smart cop = Entertainment

6) 3:10 to Yuma

A cow boy film is always welcome and this one certainly is (have to admit that it ended in a weird manner, though)

7) Beowulf

Watched it in 3d and was tired by the time it ended

8) Ratatouille

Pixar always delivers and has managed to do so once more (not their best though)

9) Superbad

Was supposed to be good, but all that i could find was average stuff

10) Deathproof

You may not refer it to your friend, but that doesn't mean you didn't enjoy it

P.S:- I have skipped many movies, which i might add later.

Some of the movies that couldn't be mentioned because of my lack of viewership are

Enchanted, Juno, Michael Clayton

I watched others but i guess i'm feeling a bit too lazy to write anymore


The anonymous guy

Everyone associated with Hollywood

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Ind Vs Aus - a neutral's viewpoint

This post has been due for quite some time but i had to hold it back fearing the backlash of some extremely irate Indian cricket fans. Before i begin, i would like to vent my ire on the nonsensical Indian media which does nothing save sensationalization. WTF were they thinking, going for head-lines like "India c Benson b Bucknor". The head-line could have been excused had it mentioned below "last wicket:- Editor c&b quick-buck (FOW -prior to publication) ". The electronic media wasn't far behind either. They were busy interviewing Harbhajan's mom and Ganguly's grandpa :( .

I do agree that India were hard done by umpiring decisions but the decision to react in the way that they have is even more flawed. The Indian media had no right whatsoever, to term the Aussies "cheats" for playing tough cricket. The Aussies aren't to be blamed for their good fortune! Clarke's catch might have been dubious but i remember an even more dubious occasion when Dhoni claimed (successfully) to have caught a catch, when replays showed that it was surely a bump ball. The batsman sadly, took Dhoni's word and silently walked away. Most of you must have forgotten the incident because the media took great care not to point out the obvious fact (that MSD and co had cheated).

I wonder about whom Kumble was speaking about when he said " only one team played with the spirit of the game". As far as i could see, one team was riding it's luck rather skillfully where as the other was sulking at it's misfortunes and whining about the umpiring. The law of nature states that better teams always get the benefit of the doubt no matter how just or unjust it might be. It is quite clearly evident in football where the underdog never gets a close decision in it's favor when it comes to penalties and offsides (which lead to goals).

"Team India" should not even think of returning, just because of the injustice meted out to them by the officials. They should be big enough to accept that it's just an unwanted part of the game which will not go away as long as you play as an underdog. In order to beat a champion, you need to beat the bad decisions as well.

p.s 1:- It's really unfortunate that people sway to the tunes of the media without any apprehension. It's high time they realized that the media is just a capitalistic whore which will stoop down to any level, just to get that extra hit.

p.s 2:- Ganguly's grandpa is a fictitious inclusion

Friday, January 4, 2008

Not another college bashing

This college claims to "encourage the students to get involved with R&D as soon as possible". Truth be told, i've never held research in such contempt as i hold it today. I was in total ignorance regarding the technical stuff before i joined this college and i have to admit, that it was better that way. No wonder they say "Ignorance is bliss". Maybe i should team up with Justin Timberlake and 50 Cent and sing along " Ayo, i'm tired of using Technology ".

Having said that, this college did inspire me to take up research, but in an all together different field. The field in concern , happens to be the "English Language". What else can explain my tryst with Poetry and Shakespeare? I never thought that i would ever read poetry to while away the time (which is the case at present :( ).

During these recent research expeditions through the English language (which by the way are sponsored by this college), i managed to unearth a poem which might have been passed off as one of my own had it been written using the modern slang. So, this is what my poems would have looked like, had i taken birth in 1652.

How vain a thing is man whom toys delight,

and shadows fright !

variety of impertinence

might give our dotage some pretence;

but to a circle bound

we toil in a dull round

we sit,eat, move and drink

we dress, undress, discourse and think

by the same passions hurried on

imposing, or imposed upon.

we pass the time in sport or toil

we plough the seas, or safer soil

thus all that we project and do,

we did it many a year ago.

we travel still a beaten way

and yet how eager we rise to pursue

the affairs of each returning day,

as if its entertainments were surprising all and new.

Nice poem huh, it certainly inspired me to share it with you people :) . Speaking of R&D, i've certainly done a bit of research but as for the development it's up for you to decide.

Acknowledgements :-

My college, Nahum Tate and you people.

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Nothing's new except for the year

The New year day which fortunately occurs only once every 365 days is sort of like the little children who go around every home during Halloween shouting "Trickle treat". The children get candy in return where as the new year is gifted with some  resolutions which are more often than not, postponed to the next year within a week. Struggling to comprehend the comparison ? you better be, otherwise chances are that you might be just as crazy as me.

Crazy or not, everyone manages to come up with a crazy list and here's mine

1) To go to P.T regularly in the morning

2) To spend more time in front of the T.V rather than in front of the lap-top

3) To not make a resolution pertaining to studies as it would be purely academical

4) To not follow the first resolution

5) To make such lists lengthier and more sensical*

Those mentioned above aren't exactly "resolutions", but i had to give the poor new year something for turning up.

Forgetting the Chinese calendar and it's associated animals, this year happens to be the "Year of Euro" and to a lesser extent, the "Year of Olympics". The Chinese, by the way, have put in a lot of effort, and in the process, have lost quite a bit of sense due to these "games". When will they ever realize that these games are watched principally by only four countries*  and (more importantly) that the most populous country of the world gets to see it on a channel which no one ever bothers to bother with. The Chinese have become so obsessed with the event that they were singing "we are ready" whilst holding the olympic flag on the new year eve.

However, here's what i want to see happening in the sporting world this year

1) Manchester United to win the UCL along with the EPL/BPL*

2) South Africa to beat India in India

3) Spain to win the Euro

4) China to out tally the Americans in the olympics


I don't support either Spain or China


The 4 countries happen to be US of A, China, Russia and Australia. (In case you dis-agree, i am sure your country  is geographically too small to consider :) and by the way, Canada doesn't count)

How much more nonsensical can the English get?, the word nonsensical exists whereas the word sensical doesn't [citation needed].

I consider India to be the most populous country. The Chinese are usually so competitive in everything they do, that they wouldn't even mind adding a billion or 2 to their total.

Man Utd to win the EPL, courtesy of a Arsenal screw up on the final day.