Tuesday, May 20, 2008

My first and last short story (till date)

I thought that it was quite brave (read dumb) of me to submit the following story as part of course work. Anyway, read on..................

A Day At The Office

Mr. Editor, as he liked himself to be called, woke up to the cacophonic tune of his alarm and was immediately alarmed on noticing that his clock had gone off before the sunrise. This experience had become a common occurrence during this time of the year over the past few years but somehow it never ceased to amaze, or rather alarm him.

He could still quite distinctively recall all the vivid memories of his childhood mornings, when the sun would have been almost halfway through the eastern skies before he had an opportunity to lay an eye upon it (during this time of the year).

After some private thought which was attended to whilst he was indulgent in his early morning chores, Mr. Editor decided that he could fill up a column in his newspaper with the help of this topic.

With the decision being made all that was now left to be done by Mr. Editor was to find some ordinary men for the ordinary job. He would have loved to do the job on his own but he knew, more than anyone else, the dangers that came associated with the association with the thoughts arising in his mind.

Spring may be famous for its pleasant weather but McManus was certainly famous for his foul temper which was evident not only in spring but through out the year. The fact that he was awoken from his sleep early in the morning didn’t help tip the scale towards pleasantness either.

McManus hadn’t always been the ordinary person that he is today. He had seen both good and bad times in his past.
His professional career had got off to an exceptional start and was in fact a darling of the critics for quite a considerable amount of time. He had been a writer for whom words came as easily as floods in an Indian monsoon. Even though he was aware of the envious status that he enjoyed amongst his peers he was never quite able to put a finger on the reasons responsible for his position. But now with the words having deserted him he came to realise what he had back then and no longer had, an inherent ability to put things in perspective with the help of words.

When he first realized that words were no longer something that he could summon at will he began to get worried and ultimately this worry of his transformed itself into frustration which in turn led to violent outbursts from his side.

These actions of his left his wife with no other option but to leave him. In the weeks following his wife’s departure McManus continued to slide at an exponential rate towards depression, and finally when he could slide no more he made up his mind to put an end to it all by putting a bullet in his head.

When the moment to pull the trigger had arrived McManus was left  with a smile across his face. He was so impressed with his suicide note that he felt that “there was life in the auld dawg yet”

However, that turned out to be a false dawn and McManus began to live a new life playing the part of an ordinary writer with an interesting past.

“Hello”, bellowed McManus as he answered the phone. “As far as I can recall, I am your Boss and I don’t remember ordering you to treat me with such disdain?” complained Mr. Editor, as he began to get dressed for the day ahead. “I am really sorry sir, I was speaking in my sleep”, said McManus trying to sound apologetic.

“Apology accepted, McManus. Now stop wasting your time and hurry along to the office. I have an interesting task for you” said Mr. Editor whilst scrutinizing himself in the mirror. He became so deeply occupied with his reflection that he had no room left in his mind to reflect upon McManus’s reply.

When Dilbert reached the publishing office, he was taken aback at the sight of McManus so early in the morning. “So, did you come all the way early in the morning just to beat me to my cup of coffee?” asked Dilbert, trying to sound jovial. “ It seems that the old man’s got a task for me” said McManus as he continued to stare into the distant emptiness. “I’m afraid the ‘old man’ can still hear”, said Mr. Editor as he came thundering towards them in a I-mean-business manner.

“I don’t want to waste any more of my time stuck in this office, lest I should become a Bartleby. So, here’s what I want you to do for me and my paper. Write an article exploring the could-be reasons behind the sun’s recent late appearances on the eastern horizon in the mornings”.

“May be you should start looking towards the west, sir. The other day our rival newspaper published an article which predicted that the Sun would rise in the west in the not too distant future” said Dilbert, laughing out loud.

“I always knew that they were nut cases”, said Mr. Editor in a pleased manner as he got up to leave the room.

The very next day a column appeared in Mr. Editor’s newspaper which explored all the various plausible explanations responsible for the alleged delay of the sun rise. The article, co-written by McManus and Dilbert, touched upon many a reason but excluded the most important of them all and that was the change in the geographical location of Mr. Editor.

The Newspaper Column:

Rapid Industrialization bringing about our planet’s slowdown?
It’s unofficially official folks. Our planet has begun to slow down and experts believe that global warming might be the culprit yet again. In a startling revelation made late yesterday evening, some leading scientists offered to let the cat out of the bag provided their identity be held within the bag. On being assured of leak proof anonymity, the scientists finally came forward to put forth their ideas………….. (the end)

What i tried to do was to write a story which in essence has no plot or basis. I know that my premise doesn't quite make any sense but then i thought if Tarantino could pull it off then why can't I ? At the end of it all, I was quite surprised (read relieved) that i got 6.5/10 for my effort. There were also some 4-5 lines of feedback which i haven't been able to decipher till date (from what little i could make out it sounded pretty positive, LOL).

p.s:- The material presented here is the crude form of my story. I couldn't produce the refined version since it was hand written.

Thursday, May 8, 2008

The Se7en Sins -> Reloaded, uploaded and ready to be dissected

The Pope hasn't yet featured in this blog. So i guess i owe the hypocrites one for their leader. Don't you think that the Vatican doubles up as a haven for a bunch of hypocrites?

Well, not all might agree with that but as far as the virtual world goes, there is no doubting that the Blogosphere is the safest haven for real life hypocrites ( Don't cringe mate, i ain't referring to you).

So coming back to the Pope, i happen to be more interested in his place of residence than in his "majesty". The thing about his P.O.R* is that recently a list of an additional seven new sins came out from there. In case you missed the movie Se7en *ing Brad Pitt, the existing list was something like this:-

a) Pride

a.k.a ego is what everyone's actually entitled to but some people bitten by hypocrisy refuse to acknowledge.

b) Envy

Common Name- Jealousy

Widespread among students

c) Gluttony

Holidays aren't the right time to be discussing this.

d) Lust

what's wrong with a healthy sexual appetite?? (oops)

e) Anger

It's better to explode than to implode !!

f) Greed

Well, greedy students get more marks

g) Sloth

The fact that laziness was even considered shows how much the people of the world are obsessed with the never ending urge to work.

The list has been somewhat extended and now also includes:-

1. "Bioethical" violations such as birth control

2. "Morally dubious" experiments such as stem cell research

3. Drug abuse

4. Polluting the environment

5. Contributing to widening divide between rich and poor

6. Excessive wealth

7. Creating poverty

The decision to include 1,2,3, and 6 isn't exactly ethical since they abuse an individual's moral right to do whatever he or she deems is best for him/her.
Here's another list for you:-

1. Watching movies via illegal downloads instead of going to a theater

2. Making a B-grade movie with A-list actors

3. Including a dog in every ad that you come up with

4. Giving the last over to a spinner in a crunch situation

5. Advocating terrible singers like Himesh

6. Reading blogs instead of writing

7. Blaming yourself for your downfalls

p.s:- I might explain the above 7 sins in a much more detailed manner in the next post. Could have done that right now, but my beloved Bangalore team's heading onto the field and i don't want to miss their game irrespective of how much they suck.

(maybe AB could have held on to that last ball catch)

Friday, May 2, 2008

Farcical Football Fracas

All that i know regarding which team i support is that it ain't Arsenal. I had no questions over my loyalty couple of seasons ago when Solskjaer and Beckham were part of Manchester United. Their departure coinciding with the arrival of Xabi Alonso meant that i began watching more of Liverpool and less of Manchester United. With the arrival of Ballack, Chelsea too ceased to be a bitter foe.

So right now i am only averse to Arsenal and am very much a neutral when the other three tee off against each other. However if you were to force me into a tight situation i would go with Manchester United.

Post Match Talk/slang:-

"Li-ver-pool Li-ver-pool, kicking arse was never so cool"-> Rafa, after the trilogy against Arsenal

"There's no denying that all that we managed to do this season was to get our arse gunned down. Having said that, it was all down to us. The opposition had no part to play in it"-> Arsene Wenger in reply

"Manchester United were kicked in the Ballacks today" -> John Terry after their 2-1 win over the red devils

"I don't give a shit as to who our opposition will be"-> Sir Alex after reaching the Champions league final.

He was sighted pissing in his pants the next day when Chelsea came through.

Disclaimer:- You can't just go on writing about football without using slang. Well, actually you can but that wouldn't do justice to the standards set by the professional players.

My all time favorite football players:-

1) Ole Gunnar Solskjaer (have trouble spelling his name correctly though)

2) Xabi Alonso (give him more free kicks!!!)

3) David Beckham (irrespective of what you might say)

4) Michael Ballack (Chelsea ain't the team to be playing in)

5) Bojan Kirkic (won't support Barca though, no way)

p.s:- The order ain't random.

p.s:- You wouldn't be the first to discover that this post is utter rubbish. I beat you to that :)

Thursday, May 1, 2008

Chi Chi Chelsea

aaah crap, Chelsea won both the matches

p.s 1:-Judging by recent performances, Chelsea appear to have an edge over Man U and yesterday's victory over Liverpool will only add another edge to that edge.

p.s 2:- Avram Grant may well end up with a dubious distinction of being a manager to get fired irrespective of winning both the Champions league and the Premiership.

p.s 3:-Why can't Lampard score from penalties for England like he does for his beloved Chelsea?? A good way of preventing him from scoring a penalty might be to dangle an England shirt in front of him before he runs up to take a penalty.

p.s 4:- It was Ballack's penalty and he should have been given the opportunity to go for it. Another reason for Ballack to leave the club, i suppose.

p.s 5:- I was hoping that Liverpool could do a Bayern Munich, but sadly Xabi Alonso let Chelsea off the hook with that horrendous effort right after Cech had given them some hope. Had he put in a decent ball pandemonium would have ensued which could have led to that all important third goal. That would have not only kept Chelsea's unbeaten run at home intact but would also have sent Liverpool through to the final.

p.s 6:- In case you don't know, Bayern Munich had come from being 3-1 down at the end of the 1st ET to draw the away match at 3-3 and to level the tie at 4-4 to advance on away goals in the quarter finals in the UEFA cup.

p.s 7:- The identity of the opposition in that game is immaterial since no one remembers losers but the biggest loser of them all Abbandonzieri, deserves a mention for discovering a new low in goal keeping standards during the last 5 minutes of that tie.

p.s 8:- I ain't gonna make any predictions regarding the premiership and the UCL winners because all that i am sure of is of Avram Grant getting fired.

p.s 9:- Writing a post with the use of multiple p.s is such a pleasure.

p.s 10:- Have you downloaded Coldplay's latest single yet ?? or am i the only Coldplay sucker going around

p.s 11:- More on Coldplay later

p.s 12:- I ain't a gay

p.s 13:-All the Coldplay listeners were branded as gays in the movie, "40 year old virgin"

p.s 14:- Chelsea won, chi chi chi

p.s 15:- For non-telugu readers, "chi" is a word used to express mild disgust