My blog + your time = time wasted

Don't you ever get sick of time?, it's there all the time but more often than not, leaves us behind in a big load of trouble. The best way to get rid of this timeless menace would be to either stick with it or to just lose count of it. The latter method though, can get you nowhere and is moreover only implementable when you get yourself a jail term. The most unique thing about time is that it just keeps going and going and going, and if i keep going, i guess you will be going.

Anyway, i thought of writing something about the Crusades having watched "The Kingdom Of Heaven" the other day. The fact that i watched this movie after such a long time is in itself a testimony to it's box office reception. However, i would place it alongside Ridley Scott's 'best' movies like "Gladiator" and "American Gangster". Maybe the critics would have thought likewise had Russell Crowe played the leading role in this one as well, instead of the placid Orlando Bloom.

Crusades as you might know, were fought by Christian fanatics to plunder wealth and resources from the Muslims in the name of god. Such crusades exist even today, though the way in which the plundering is done has become much more organized. These modern day crusades are carried on by a certain Mr.Bush against the countries in the middle east in the name of democracy.The modern day crusades, thus initiated by Bush have evolved to become a world wide phenomenon wherein the people of one ethnicity view the others with apprehension.

Luckily, it hasn't snowballed into a major war mainly because of the incapabilities of the middle east countries to wage a serious war and also because of the "respect" other countries have for the USA. Had any other country committed such atrocities against the middle east, half of the world would have been screaming foul, including India. Apart from Russia, no other country seems to have a dick big enough to stand up against USA.

Having said that, India does seem to be doing it's own lil bit to weaken the USA by exporting as many Indians as possible. In this way, even the USA is bound to become inefficient and end up like "just another country with a glorious past".

P.S:-

The time you enjoy wasting, is not wasted time. So don't sit and cry about the time you "wasted".

Acknowledgements:-

Punchagan, Ridley Scott, Bush, GRE aspirants and time

Coming soon:-

Round up of today's champions league draw

A collection of worthless passages make this one....Worth a skip

Today might be Tuesday but i am writing about Monday because it happens to occur only once a week where as Tuesday is just another day of the week, just like Monday. Actually there isn't much of a difference between the two days apart from the fact that one of them always occurs before the other.

The above passage would have been my entry for the "Worst Opening Passage" competition held by Reader's Digest in the past month. Unfortunately, i came to know about it only after the results were announced and thus the presence. Anyway you can find the winner in this month's edition or even better, you can find it right here, right now.

Gerald began--but was interrupted by a piercing whistle which cost him ten percent of his hearing permanently, as it did everyone else in a ten-mile radius of the eruption, not that it mattered much because for them "permanently" meant the next ten minutes or so until buried by searing lava or suffocated by choking ash--to pee.

(By the way, i write these, days of the week with a capital letter to avoid this text editor's ire which is the case otherwise)

Let's talk about Monday now. It is the day on which i wake the earliest, for i am at home and i have to attend a class at 10:00 in the college. I usually wake up at around 8:00 and then, promptly turn on the T.V to watch VH1's " good morning"/ breakfast segment which is worth a watch as it features the latest music videos.

However, the most noticeable difference between Mondays and the other days of the week happens to be my increased affinity for the bathroom/john/loo/powder room on this particular day. I had earlier thought that this phenomenon was the consequence of my diet on sunday which predominantly comprises of non-veg items. However, this time around my woes have continued well in to Tuesday. It's kind of surprising because i had skipped the customary non-veg meal this week-end.

So, what this proves is that non-veg items aren't the ones to be blamed, instead my whole appetite on week-ends, is. The actual reason as i see, happens to be that, i eat very less on week-days in college that my digestive tract has become incapable of digesting all the thrash i dump down it during the week-end, having got acclamatized to the scant intake on the other days . So that solves the mystery of "Monday Motions Mania". ( Guess this one would've made a better entry :) )

Speaking of toilets, i happen to recollect an inscription inside a toilet of a train which went something like:-

duniya pahunch gayi hai chand par

aur thu khada hai yahain, apna ....... pakadkar

Disclaimer:-

In case you are thinking of banging your head after reading this, that too is worth a skip :) .

Not the brightest sporting Sunday

AC Milan beat Boca to win the FIFA world club title, Manchester United beat Liverpool to go on to the top of the Premier League, albeit for a couple of hours, and Arsenal beat Chelsea to regain their position at the top. What's wrong with all these clubs, beating each other up. (That, my dear friends is the PJ of the day)

'Yesterday' had a plenty of potential to turn into a great sporting day but all those hopes petered out on the TV screen as the day dragged on. The rot was set rolling with the non-match between Australia and New Zealand, and a mis match between AC Milan and Boca (who) later in the afternoon. The match might have been entertaining, but it certainly couldn't keep me hooked once the fourth goal went in. The absence of Riquelme was quite a deterrent and the presence of Inzaghi as the striker up front wasn't much help either.

The big games which followed in the evening were tightly contested affairs. They were so tight that there was no room for entertainment which by the way isn't about mid-field scuffles. Considering the matches, a draw would have been a fair result in both the games. Having said that, football is an uncompromising game which kicks you in the gut if you don't stay on top or rather don't jump high enough, just as Petr Cech found out.

The day was rescued to a certain extent courtesy Dale Steyn, whose bowling of late, has become a pure joy to watch. Those four wicket taking deliveries, certainly went a long way in cushioning the blow delivered (to the South African supporters) by their own batsmen earlier in the night.

There was also the small matter of ICL over on Zee, where Cairns let one and all (including his team) down to hand over the inaugural cup to Chennai Superstars .

The coming Sunday doesn't have many events but it does feature a clash between Real Madrid and a Messi-less Barcelona, late into the night.

Dud -> wouldn't that be monday

Dude -> did you invent the days of the week ?

Interview blues- 2

In the News:-

1) Liverpool through to the next round, to face Man Utd next

2) My friend NKC, does something to enable me getting live cricket scores every 10 minutes on my cell (for free)

3) Nishanth Reddy proves that he is the champ of IIIT, yet again (yawn people).

4) My system crashes for the 2nd time in the month.

5) Arsenal and Chelsea are also through, but no one knows with what.

6) News just in, Fabio Capello has agreed to become England's coach. Fan's express horror over his decision.

Let's go back to the interview............

me/teacher-> So let's pick up where we left off so unceremoniously the last time around.

h-> Given the investment our company will make in hiring and training you, can you give us a reason to hire you?

dude -> i ain't a taxi to be hired

h -> excuse me

dude -> please... go ahead

h (sighs)-> Which college classes or subjects did you like best? Why?

dude-> I have three lines for you

"oh pain, oh pain

those classes were a big pain

in parts i wouldn't want to explain"

h -> i'm pleased with your decision to not explain

dude ->  don't i make sound judgements

h-> I am the one to ask questions around here

dude -> you are so insecure. Aren't you?

h (clears his throat)-> Do you think that your grades are a indication of your academic achievement?

dude -> hell yeah, otherwise you wouldn't even sit here interviewing me

h -> Tell me what you know about our company.

dude -> I would like to quote from " The Departed", with your permission of course

h-> does that have anything to do with my question

dude-> yeah

h(yawns) -> ok, go ahead

dude-> If i had any idea about what you were doing, you would all be just fu**ing c***s, do you mean to say that you are all c***(the singular form of the 'c' word rhymes with James Blunt)

h->I'm sorry, i couldn't quite get you

dude-> you would really be sorry if you got me

h-> Do you have a geographic preference?

dude -> i am a geek for god's sake. don't ask me geography

h-> Do you think you might like to live in the community in which our company is located?

dude-> no problem man, i will join your community right away. Is it in facebox or orkut, I  personally prefer........

h (interrupts) -> neither

dude -> oh, i see not

h->  Describe a situation where others you were working with on a project disagreed with your ideas. What did you do?

dude -> simple mate, i tagged along with them. Team work's essential you see

h-> Tell of a time when you worked with a colleague who was not completing his or her share of the work. Who, if anyone, did you tell or talk to about it? Did the manager take any steps to correct your colleague? Did you agree or disagree with the manager's actions?

dude-> Most of the time, that person was me. I guess you should ask my friends that question

h-> What suggestions do you have for our organization?

dude-> i have one, but i would prefer to say that after i get enrolled in your organization

me /teacher-> that's it for today.I have a small assignment for you

students-> is it to find out the 'c' word?

me ->no

students -> ohhhhhh

me-> write down the suggestion which dude has for his organization

students -> but sir, he is so dumb and we are so smart

me -> yeah right, you can say that again

Disclaimer:-

The quote from Departed wasn't censored while being screened in our Indian theatres.

I've been considerate :)

Liverpool do face Man Utd tomorrow, but in a different tournament.

Interview Blues - 1

At long last December has arrived and has brought with it a sense of purpose into the lives of some of us .  I, by the way ain't one of "us" for i am still quite immature, incapable, irresponsible and thereby indifferent to the demands of the professional world. Anyway, this happens to be the month of interviews, formal attires, no satires and lots of other things which i don't know about :(  .

So, let us quickly move on to things i know about and try to work our way from there (don't i sound like your teacher)

Let me illustrate a not so typical interview

The victims 'Dud(e)' walk in to be interviewed by Mr.H 

scene 1 :- (skip on to scene 2, if short on time)

h- please be seated

dude- of course dude, the last thing i need is to stand through this torture

dud- thank you sir

(Dud stifles a yawn, dude yawns)

h-  what are u doing

dud- oh, nothing sir

dude- just wanted you to know how i really feel about you and your company

h- that was a yawn, wasn't it ?

dud- i was so excited (yawns..... again) about this opportunity that i could hardly sleep

dude- what else can it be Einstein? does it look like i am opening my mouth asking to be fed

[Guess it would be more simpler for both you and me if Dud were eliminated, so..]

scene 2:-

h ->  How would you describe yourself?

dude -> i am the type of person your boss asked you to stay away from

h -> What specific goals, including those related to your occupation, have you established for your life?

dude -> to skip as many jobs as possible, the buck stops only where there are more bucks

h ->  How has your college experience prepared you for a business career?

dude ->it has taught me virtually nothing, so i guess you have my whole gray matter to work upon, more resources you see

h -> Please describe the ideal job for you following graduation

dude -> i haven't come across any ideal job as such, have you?

h -> What influenced you to choose this career?

dude -> money of course

h -> At what point did you choose this career?

dude -> well, it was certainly before i met you

h -> What specific goals have you established for your career?

dude -> haven't you asked this already

h ->  What do you think it takes to be successful in this career?

dude -> go and ask your boss !!, aren't you ashamed to ask your sub-ordinates

h ->  How do you determine or evaluate success? Give me an example of one of your successful accomplishments.

dude -> it all depends on the bank balance at the end of the day. I have managed to keep a straight face so far and that's an accomplishment in itself

h-> Do you have the qualifications and personal characteristics necessary for success in your chosen career?

dude -> you wouldn't have invited me otherwise, would you?

h -> If you could do so, how would you plan your college career differently?

dude-> as far as i can see, this college has only been useful as a meeting place, so i guess i would have rented this same room some 4 years ago to organize a meeting with your highness.

h -> Would you describe yourself as goal-driven?

me (interfering)-> i guess time's up, so see you all tomorrow

ps:-

The dud(e) character has been adopted from my earlier post "Confessions of an insecure dud(e)". You might well want to get acquainted with the characters.

I guess this series will drag on for a couple more days. In case of any boredom, do feel free to intimate me

Bandwidth wars and a stupid poem

The most amusing thing happening on DC++ these days, is the on going tussle for downloading rights between a well established regime and a not so well organized gang of debutants. The problem with the freshmen happens to be that, they are disinclined to everything good  and moreover, when reminded of their problematic virtue, they tend to resort to silly mud slinging.

I personally ain't against the addition of new movies (irrespective of how bad they are), but the current administration does have quite a few good reasons to justify the continuity of their dictatorship regime.

1) They keep the interests of the citizens in mind and act cordially.

2) They are open to special requests and in certain cases do fulfill them.

3) The bandwidth ain't wide enough to accommodate two regimes simultaneously.

So on this note, let us all scream aloud "Long live the present DC regime".

p.s:- The implication of the above phrase may be good for us, but what it means for them is that they should stay in the college for a long time (which hopefully ain't their aim).

If poetry was all about rhyming
this is what we would be getting

"A non-Poetic Poetic Massacre"

itz boring
and the irregular power ain't helping
which keeps the wi-fi stuttering
and me cursing

itz boring
and i lie here waiting
for my friends who ain't responding
but i can't go on blaming
for i am now realizing
that GTalk ain't perfectly working

i can thus go on writing
but fortunately it ain't to my liking
so go away smiling
before a change of mind comes calling

Oh NO, i've lost my Humility

I can't quite comprehend why people consider education necessary. As far as i am concerned, the only advantage you can get from learning how to read, is the ability to read my blog. Fortunately for you people, you needn't be rocket scientists to understand it. Having said that, i do have serious doubts regarding your comprehension skills for i rarely get back any comments.

Don't even think of saying that my posts don't deserve any, for i am quite sure that these are the most meaningful pieces of **** you have read since kindergarten (assuming that you learned how to read, in kindergarten). Anyway, you should be counting your lucky stars for getting an opportunity to read this post, for such opportunities are classified under the category of "Endangered species".

This post by the way happens to be the brain-child of a brain having no ideas on which to write about. So in case, your brain ( i seriously doubt it's existence though) has any ideas, do feel free to convey them to me so that i can make their meaning less lives a bit more.............................................meaning less (humility's back baby!!).

Looks like i can't tread this path for long. So, so long my friends, see you on the other side of this bridge (which btw tries to separate those with humility from those who don't).

Not a Fair Draw

For all of you Manchester United fans out there, this doesn't refer to your club's third round away draw against Aston Villa in the FA cup. This in in reference to the even more lopsided UEFA draw concerning the EURO. Disagree with me?, then what kind of groups are these.....

Group A:-

Switzerland, Turkey, Portugal and the Czechs

If everything goes according to the script, Portugal and Czechs should ease into the next round with Portugal topping the group. Czechs have always been the dark horses in such tournaments but they have rarely justified their billing.

Group B:-

Austria, Poland, Croatia  and the Germans

The Germans should really be thankful for whomever they pray, for getting such an easy draw. Their draw looks as if the organizers gave in to the demands of a football following Hitler. Croatia may sneak in to the next round from this group.

The above groups are quite clearly the easy ones designed to accommodate the host nations.

Group C :-

Romania, Holland, France and Italy

May be Mussolini couldn't intimidate the organizers enough for this group is quite clearly the "Group Of Death". Romania should consider themselves unlucky for getting such a draw after having played out of their Black sea drenched skins to top their qualifying group.

Holland will once again come a cropper in the tournament and will crash out behind the French and the Azurri.

Group D:-

Russia, Sweden, Greece and Spain

The defending champs will again have to get into their giant killing shoes if they are to even progress into the next round for they don't exude confidence expected from defending champions. They are kinda like India and 20-20.

Come June 08 and we will be spectators to some weird results especially in connection with the hosts. Football has a long standing tradition of home nations going berserk in big tournaments and this may well turn out to be just a family tradition.

Better than what i've been writing

The biggest regret i have regarding the batch trip is not that i was a part of it, but the things it made me miss out upon. I was ready to sacrifice my weekly dose of "News on the loose" but i was surely not ready to miss out upon two back to back man of the match performances by AB de Villiers. But as it turned out, de Villiers not only delivered perfect play on the pitch but also managed to send me a feeling of regret via post (why post?, there was no cellular network in the distant hills) .

I btw brought up AB only because i was afraid you would die under the load of the statistical debris of what is called Sachin without even knowing the name of this exciting talent.

Moving on, it's been quite long since the new sem has begun and it has taken me all this while to select a proper elective for myself. I have so far actively participated in all the three (or two, depends on the way you look) add/drop online routines. What this active participation meant that i have had the opportunity to jump courses at will after a test period of one week (much like Barney's lemon law). Anyway these are the courses which i tried as an elective (read alternative).

1) Molecular Architecture:- After reading the generously prolonged over view, i decided to opt for this course even though there were only 5 precedents. But after turning up for the lecture, i was pleasantly distraught to see that there were only 3 of us. The next time around there were only 2 of us and i decided to give the course a cold finger* myself.

2) Religion and culture and .........(i don't know):- There were 120 of us and i somehow managed to miss both of the classes held during our week long association.

3) Read on a bit more

In came a mail, preceding the D-day saying that only 75 members could be enrolled for the afore mentioned course and also that Molecular Architecture had passed away with 10 members on board. Having seen the growth control program, i decided to jump the religion plank as i had already run out of half the ammunition*. So i opted for English Literature which at present stands afloat with a bench strength of 19.

I am yet to attend a class of this course, so we will have to wait and see how it goes.

A guide to the above post:-

Cold finger-> a pun on cold shoulder subject to the meaning of pun as i am myself not sure what a pun means.

Ammunition-> We have only 4 reprievals per sem and i had already utilized 2 in the first week itself.

Blog state:-

The turn out for the previous post was far more than it actually deserved. It was kind of a 'masala' post but this one here is certainly better than the previous one. So i shall wait and watch out for this one's reception at the blog-office.

Errata:-

I can't even begin to comprehend how i got mixed up with "the week that wasn't"  and "news on the loose". Cyrus doesn't even have a chance against Vir Das.

A (B)ache trip to nowhere

I would like to start on a bright note, for i am afraid this post is only going to go down hill from there on, as it will try to deal with some not so perfect happenings. The bright note happens to be that i had no intention of writing about all that which happened or didn't happen on the tour.

The reasons being :-

1) I don't usually write about things which are boring.

2) I don't like being equipped with less information than the reader (or rather the person who reads).

3) Everyone remotely associated with blogging on the tour will write about it.

So i saw no particular reason in lambasting the ill organized tour with my own words. Having said that, i know many people on the tour, who might feel better seeing the pit falls of the trip being ripped open.

So here goes something....

Day 1:-

We start at 18:00 after loitering for about 3 hrs in front of the canteen as if we were stray dogs waiting for left overs (pardon the insane and completely uncalled for comparison). We reach Vizag at 15:00 the next afternoon courtesy some bus troubles and their equally sluggish drivers.

Day 2:-

Having survived a 24 hr ordeal on the road, we "refresh" for a couple of hours and head out for the beach which shows up only at around 19:00. I don't know what kind of a tourist shows up on a beach well after sun set especially when a navy week's in progress. However, after wetting our tired **** in the water for some 3 hrs, we hit the sack only to wake up at 5:00 in the morning to catch a train to Borra caves.

Day 3:-

After catching the train (which btw was the only thing which went according to the plan), we realize that traveling in a general compartment on a Sunday to a tourist destination, ain't the brightest idea. So having slugged it out for about 4 hrs in the train we reach Borra, only to be greeted by a swarm of buzzing tourists who threaten to ruin the already ruined tour.

Anyway we do manage to explore the caves, but the crowd meant that we lost invaluable time which lead to Araku being dropped from the touring list. Anyway we embarked upon our return journey at around 16:00 and reached the college at various different times( not before 16:30) depending on the bus we were in.

Each bus had it's own problem:-

1) White bus - most notorious of the lot in both content and performance

2) Yellow bus- allegedly an a/c bus minus the a/c

3) Pink bus- (had me on board :) ) seriously though, some of us had to take an APSRTC bus to complete our return journey

Psst:-

I have barely given an outline of what conspired on the tour. The details are far more telling but i have chosen not to reveal them today, for there are many gaping gaps in the details i know, as of now.

Conclusion:-

It was a completely mis-managed tour which was simply not what we had expected. The organizers though, aren't to be singled out as we all are equally responsible for the fiasco. We have learned a lot from this experience which will enable us to stand in better stead in the times to come.

I would like to point out that the above written conclusion is just bureaucratic bull**** and that i am not even remotely related with such thoughts.

We just rode and rode and rode and were rarely away from the road (which was not so smooth by the way).

psst:-

looks like i have made a hash of tenses

Slipping away

England literally slid out of Euro on a rainy night yesterday courtesy of their defence which at times was even more slippery than the Wembley surface. It would have been extremely unfair if England went through especially because of the players' lack of commitment towards the well being of their national team.

Barring Gerrard and Beckham (on occasions), none of the others seem to give a 'fish' about the team. I have always failed to understand the reason for Lampard's abysmal performances when on national duty. I am surprised that he is even compared with Gerrard because he simply lacks the drive to drive a team through difficult times.

I pity Gerrard for being born as an English footballer. He would have certainly won more tournaments had he been playing for some other country. As a matter of fact, he hasn't even played in a major final (i think).

Speaking of the match, Mclaren once again proved what an a** he could be, by opting for a 4-5-1 formation. What's more insane was that his lone striker up front was the lanky Crouchy who was handicapped by the absence of Beckham in the starting line-up. The defenders at the back looked somewhat off color considering their defensive 'prowess' while playing for their clubs.

I shouldn't even begin on the performance of the goal keeper(if you could call him one). The team might have been better served, had they brought in Boycott's mum from Yorkshire in his place. Even after all the defensive howlers, the English men could have got off scot free had it not been for Mr. Scot Carson.

The result is actually quite good for English football because this defeat hopefully, might bring about some much needed changes. I seriously hope these much needed changes won't relate to the number of overseas players in the premier league because they are the ones who keep it going.

Disclaimer:-

This post was rushed through, so any mistakes made are regretted.

Boring's the Theme

I am kinda self-censoring my blog (which means no more comments on the profs a.k.a death eaters) for it has started appearing in the college blogroll. What this means is that, my entries may become as insipid as an Indo Pak cricket match (which by the way happens to be today's point of discussion). I hope that my blog in the long run, doesn't end up like  Sanjay 'Neela' Bhansali's latest movie "Saawariya" which is being dubbed as the most boring blue film ever made (statement 'inspired' from Tv).

Changing track (to stem the rot), Dale Steyn looks simply awesome this season. His bowling exploits not only made him the leading wicket taker in tests this year but also made the otherwise boring series between RSA and NZ, a bit entertaining (this bit, by the way is bigger than that of Ind v Pak). I have always hated watching Indo Pak matches of late, mainly because there seems to be no professionalism on view. Both teams just turn up, play boring cricket through out the day and at the end of it, just jump on to the party bandwagon.

When on the field, each player seems to be playing accompanied with a hangover. What else can explain the recently concluded ODI series which was even less interesting than the recently held test series between Australia-Sri Lanka and South Africa-New Zealand. May be we should keep Shahrukh away from the cricket grounds because he seems to be having a lot of bad influence on the teams. The cricketers these days have started to behave as if they are in front of a camera enacting a role of a cricketer !

What's even more excruciatingly painful is to see Sreesanth, who overcooks his role and in the process, his emotions. He has a lot to learn from Andre Nel who manages to portray this kind of a role with panache and a lot more grace.

Prediction:-

I wanted to watch Euro 08 minus England but Russia have somehow managed to put the last nail into their own coffin (pardon the cliche).

Pen is........

The oft used phrase "The pen is mightier than the sword" is valid only as far as the plots of movies and T.V shows go. In the real world, even the lamest bookie would back a geek with a sword rather than a gladiator with a pen (a keyboard might complicate the matters but the phrase doesn't read "the keyboard is mightier ...", does it).

Fortunately or unfortunately, the intersection between the real world and the reel world happens to be an empty set. The problem with this however, happens to be that the reel world more often than not forgets to maintain sanity in the proceedings. This is more evident in the TV shows where the script writer has the viewers at his mercy for sometimes as long as 5 years.

In his world, he can kill off many characters at will and he usually does kill off many a interest with each passing episode. Even the script writer of "How i met your mother" seems to be undermining the importance of a plot a bit too much. The changes are more often than not a bit too foolishly far-fetched which some how get covered up by Barney's witty comments and Robin's charm.

So never ever use the phrase " a pen is ...." (again) because it's just a dumb cliche made up by journalists to instill some much needed confidence in their peers to ward off their eventual doom which, unfortunately has arrived today for what we get these days ain't true Honest Journalism, it's just an ethic less vocation meant to satisfy our hunger for daily morning breakfast entertainment.

Tv, Tv everywhere but not a thing to see

I spent the bygone week long vacation dreading it's eventual end. How much more pathetic can one get ? Fortunately not more than that.
Apart from that, i spent most my time oscillating between the laptop, the desktop and the Tv (reminiscent of 'the good, the bad and the ugly' with the difference being that nothing's actually good here, just as in the movie one might say). There was nothing much interesting on Tv excluding the second ODI, which was interesting only because of the way in which India let go of the match. I did happen to watch the mid-week mid night 'extravaganza' of the Champions league which was also not up to the scratch.

The channels which irk me the most these days are the 24*7 news channels. These channels start out fine but once they gain popularity, they begin romanticizing their stories. They indulge in this so much so that the plot is eventually lost much like in a Sanjay Leela Bhansali's picture (by the way romanticizing here, stands for all sorts of things).

The stories these channels present are just an  hour full of thrash designed to just fill in the time. As an example, consider this scenario which occurs every time the festival of lights comes around. Prior to the festival, all these anchors line up wishing you a happy and prosperous Diwali and blah blah blah blah. What happens the next day is that, they air a special program on the pollution caused due to Diwali. These people usually want to play the role of both the hero and the villain in every film. They may be excused if they do that once in a while, but that's not exactly what they do.

Wherever there's a hartal, a Medha Patkar follows (at least from what i see on Tv). So this woman here, seems to be so sick of her body, that she decides to go on a diet every time she gets a chance. Sadly for her, her body doesn't seem to follow suit so often, considering the way she looks, even after all these diet free days.

Speaking of suits (not exactly), i hope that you must be well acquainted with the Tv show  'How I met Your Mother'. In case you aren't,  you better suit up and start watching it, for the series is nothing short of legen(wait for it...)dary.

My friends from my college deserve some mention in my blog(modesty has rarely been my staple diet) for they came in at  third position in the all India programming contest (i think). So please put your hands together, wherever you are for these three wonderful gentlemen ( i sadly know only 1 of them and his name's Anshuman). Whats more, they even have a chance of going to the land of Robin Scherbatsky (you people should really start watching some serious Tv) to compete at the international level. All the best folks.

Prediction:-

They will make the trip.

Rubbish Gossip

Rahul Dravid scored a double century earlier today in a Ranji match, but does that mean he is ready to come back into the team. I personally don't think so. The selectors should have made it clear, that he was dropped, not because of his poor form but because of his lack of use for the team. It may sound surprising but there's no longer a role for Dravid in the ODI team unless Yuvraj or Uthappa get injured. The "youngsters" like Gambhir and Uthappa are on a high of late which is arguably the main reason for Dravid being dropped. Everything is relative you see.

Dravid is without a doubt, a much better batsman than either Gambhir or Uthappa but as far as the team is concerned, he is as of now, less valuable and more dispensable.Changing tracks, i would like to ask your opinion regarding which one of these two leagues of gentlemen is the most imbalanced (these gentlemen were by the way linked courtesy of the media)

League A- Tiger Woods, Roger Federer, Thierry Henry, Rahul Dravid

League B- Rafael Nadal, Wayne Rooney, Sreesanth

I personally think Nadal is extremely unlucky to be associated with such a low lying scum like Sreesanth.

Moving on, i have been fortunate enough to be able to have access to the movie library of some of my illustrious seniors who keep downloading movies all the time (some of them even before the theatrical release). So the latest movie in this genre was  the "American Gangster", which i happened to watch a week earlier even though it was released (in US) only on Friday. Coming to the movie, it's first half is a bit boring but it really steps up a gear or two in the second half which makes the movie the best movie i have watched, at least in the past week :) . The movie, by the way stars Russel Crowe who allegedly, is going to buy a team in the Indian Premier League.

The match between Arsenal and Manchester United was actually quite similarly paced, as the movie. Speaking of the match, i had predicted a 2-2 draw and prior to that i had also predicted a 1-1 draw between Arsenal and Liverpool, may be i should start predicting more often about Arsenal's matches. Having said that i ain't yet ready to predict the outcome of their champions league fixture for fear of this fictitious bubble being pricked by a realistic needle.

Anyway, reading this post i feel that i have managed to keep the flavour of the season going, by making this post more interesting towards the end (at least that's what i feel personally).

Notice:-

I have holidays going on, due to which i will not be able to update my blog all so often. So please search for alternate reading material in the mean time.

A rather self-proclaimed interesting post

The question of the day of today is, 'Do introspection and procrastination go hand in hand ?'. If i had to reply, i would give an answer in the affirmative because i happen to introspect only when i procrastinate. Having said that, these two are a bit like thunder and lightning because we introspect only when there is no more  room for procrastination. It's just like thunder which can be heard only after there is no further sign of the lighting it was supposed to accompany.

We actually do a lot of stupid things but we worry only about a few of them. Why is that ?, it may be because you don't have some big-wig words associated with those other activities. It is no secret that our vocabulary plays a big role in the way we look at things. So the moment you learn a word like "procrastination", you immediately realize what you have been doing wrong all these days.

This post may be amusing but it's surely boring. So to lighten this up, let me tell you about a conversation i am having with my friend as i write this. This friend of mine happened to ask me how many chicks i have (forgive the defamation ,girls , if any).  How can he claim to be my friend if he doesn't know the answer to that.

He may have erred then but what he came up with next was spot on (well kinda). He said that my features weren't mature enough and that i was more like a kid. I know that it is very easy to disagree with him with all the beard and the moustache, not to forget the large frame, but beneath all those bushes is a face which does look immature at times, to me as well.

What's even more interesting is that i myself happen to go with a self-proclaimed nick of "kid", which fortunately or unfortunately happens to have made no kind of impression on my friends (few of them scoffed at it, but that was it). The reason behind my self-proclamation however is, i  just liked the word "kid".

It doesn't concern you

I have my end-sems from Monday but that's not quite the reason why i haven't posted anything of late. I was busy watching some movies over the past two days which were for a change not so bad. This ain't self-glorification as some of you sceptics might think. Self glorification as it stands in my college as of know, is a term associated with a person who claims to be not studying.

The one thing which i would not like to do in the future is to discuss about exams here, since that's the last thing you would want to read about in the time of exams. Having said that, i might as well report some of my own performances because that might make you feel better about yourself. It is rather unfortunate that everything in the world is relative, it always comes back to the neighbor next door. You are happy as long as you earn more than him, the moment he starts earning more, you begin cursing your job which was earlier that day God-sent.

In case you are not like the afore mentioned "you", then may you have the fortune of not having to read this post (this is just as impossible as you not being the "you" :) ). Confused ?, read again.

You always need a bad person in the society to convince yourself that you are good just as you need a poorer person to think of yourselves as rich. If i had one wish, then i would wish to become invisible because there is no fun greater than watching a person all by himself, preparing to face the society. Is truth stranger than fiction, maybe, but as far as i am concerned, the hidden traits of the people around you are the strangest things you can ever come across.

This entry may be short but usually, what you see is not exactly what you are meant to see.

Lame Observations

The biggest draw back of my blog (at least according to me) is that it doesn't concentrate upon a particular topic. It keeps wavering between sports, college and academics. I personally like writing about sports because i am more at home with that topic and also there is always something going on in that sphere which makes it all the more easy to update my blog every other day.

Having said that, my posts relating sports don't do well at the B.O just like RGV's movies. On the other hand, the posts relating to college and acads more often than not, turn out into blockbusters (not really, they are more like average grossers). Why does this happen , maybe you don't give a damn about sports or maybe you have better sources of information or maybe i should really stop using this "maybe" routine (as far as i can recollect, this is the third time that i have used this "maybe" routine).

The other director who seems to be in sync with RGV is M. Night Shyamalan. Both of them had an excellent start to their careers but only to self-destruct. These days, one of them rolls out a movie every other week-end from his factory while the other just sits about waiting for a production studio to back him up. Maybe a joint venture between these two erstwhile directors can help them in realizing how awful they have become in recent times.

So what does this have to do with my blog ? absolutely nothing. That's what i am talking about, the beauty(excuse me) of my blog lies in it's unexpected behavior. Here's an  other interesting opinion, the length of a movie can be estimated by the time one takes to pee. The longer the movie, the longer one pees( law applicable only in a movie theater). So the next time you notice a person (not that you will) taking a long pee, you can safely assume that he has been to a karan Johar or yash Chopra production. You will have to be very lucky to catch a RGV fan taking a pee in the theatre because his movies are usually short and even if they are long, every one will leave at the interval. The threshold limit for his movies is usually 1 hr.

Predictions:-

will be up pretty soon.

Lacklustre round up of a Fabulous sporting week-end

Hamilton did all that he could (and finally succeeded) to prevent himself from winning the drivers' championship, but no one's complaining. I was from the first, apprehensive about a rookie winning the championship because it doesn't bode well for the "experienced" campaigners and the sport itself. Fortunately, Lewis choked big time and that's the only thing which can justify him losing the championship to a guy who was 17 points behind him with two races to go.

A commentator towards the end of the race,,cheekily (but rightly) pointed out that Alonso was relieved to lose to Kimi rather than Lewis. No one can blame the poor guy for he was the defending champion and losing his title to his rookie team-mate would have been humiliation unparallel.

Having said this, there is still a decision to be made by the FIA regarding the fuel irregularities of BMW and Williams. If they get stripped of their positions, then Lewis will undeservingly become the world champion. The race stewards had dismissed the case due to lack of evidence but then, FIA is infamous for all it's dubious decisions, so i guess we will have to wait and see.

Moving on, South Africa won the rugby world cup(as predicted :) ) beating England 15-6 in the final. Amazingly, there were no tries in the whole match but who cares as long as RSA keeps winning. Speaking of South Africa, they did manage to lose against Pakistan (in cricket) courtesy of Pollock who ran out Morkel, when they were cruising towards an improbable win.

Nalbandian beat Federer in the Madrid Masters final but it was not a big surprise seeing the way in which Nalbandian was playing through out the tournament.

On a personal front:-

First it was the La Liga season and now this F1 season, am i living a dream ?

Both of them were simply superb and the scripts they ran on would have been dismissed as far-fetched were they not happening for real. I would have been gutted, had i been supporting either Barcelona or Lewis but i am ecstatic, for i supported Real Madrid and Kimi. Too bad i had no one to share my joy with, as i was the only person watching TV at home on both occasions.

Its about something about something

I had earlier thought of writing an extensive report about the over-the-top security situation deployed in the campus in the wake of the on going military games next door but fortunately or unfortunately that moment has passed courtesy of my week-end break. Quite a long and boring sentence,huh.

Coming to the point, a certain chain-reaction was initiated by a psychotic death-eater who sent out a mail claiming that certain restrictions on our movements were unavoidable because of the rather liberal movements of terrorists in the city. What followed this was pure entertainment, for the mails which were sent out after that were the most sincerely stupid mails i have come across in the intranet.

To cite a few, one of them claimed that such rules were the perfect foil to 'kill' research and that these rules if deployed would only be instrumental in preventing them(or rather us) from completing their/our work before deadline. From what i have seen so far, deadlines in this campus are highly flexible which stretch on and on and on (can't stress enough) much to my horror. I am really terrified of these elastic deadlines  because they never let go even if you want to go. Coming to research, i sometimes wonder if i am in the same college as they are, because in my college, research is done only by a few balding people who have already lost everything (hair inc).

The mail which i found the most senseless was one which argued that giving a vacation was the best remedy to sort out this mess "brought about by the tensions arising out of such high security areas".

Prediction:-

South Africa to beat England in a nail biting fought Rugby world cup final, notwithstanding the rout they had earlier inflicted on the Englishmen in the opening round. This is the first time ever, i am being optimistic about a South African team. ( Too bad it ain't being telecast on Tv)

Conclusion:-

First you had a problem with insecurity, now it's with security. What's wrong with you people :)

Have you seen a missing poem ?

I know that my poetic skills are no where near that of my prose but writing a poem takes a lot more effort (no matter how disastrous it comes out). So the other day when i was stuck in a classroom without Shakespeare in hand, i decided to write a poem or rather a parody of a poem.  Yeah, you heard that right, these days i read Shakespeare in class, ain't that wonderful.

As it turns out, i am unable to locate my probability notes (which contains the poem :( ), so i guess you will have to wait a bit longer to lay your eyes upon my poem. So instead, i would like to take this opportunity to elaborate on how i met Shakespeare.

"I had also become quite trigger happy during the holidays, so much so that, i took a shot at all the offers that were thrown my way. Firstly, i decided to take a membership in the British library just because it cost only Rs.1100 per annum.Secondly i also subscribed to a magazine just because he had sent my father an application form. Both were completely unnecessary due to the presence of a “well equipped” library at my college which was, as a matter of fact pointed out by the librarian at the British Library."

Doesn't the above paragraph look familiar. In case it doesn't, then you better read my earlier entries. The above excerpt has been taken from my first post which clearly states how i got in contact with British Library. This library happens to be the middle-man responsible for introducing me to Shakespeare.

Let me familiarize you with this library first. It happens to be located near Tank-Bund (not on it's banks  fortunately) which takes me about an hour to go from my college in a bus. The buses are usually jam packed with smelly humans, so much so that even the stench gets suffocated. Why do i have to put up with this ? It's all because of my mother who feels that i don't need my father's car for such errands.

These buses(when empty) jump about so erratically, that at times you feel as if you are on a joy-ride in Disney land. Shedding my lousy critic's attire, let me come back to the great Bard whose writings sometimes remind me of my own (maybe i lost my humility somewhere over the Atlantic). When i read his comedies, i feel that the joke's on me for most of the time because i can't make out his intended mockery. What little i do understand, i try to chew it on and on until it has nothing left to hide from me. I have to say that his language is the most beautiful this world has ever seen. (dude- how is that possible dud, you don't even understand it)

Coming soon:-

A mockery of the present security situation in the campus and a poem, if i ever find my probability notes. My main worry is that it has no notes written in it which makes it more valuable than it would have been otherwise.

Confessions of an Insecure dud(e)

Why am i insecure ? I had nothing to do with this word until a few days back when i happened to catch it on TV . The idiot box (pardon my cliche`) claimed that a insecure person is one who thinks himself to be smarter than he actually is and in addition also has a tendency to criticize others rather unfairly. I don't think that i managed to convey the exact definition but anyway when i first heard it, i thought that i was perfect for the role of an insecure guy. So that explains the presence of insecurity in the title, the other part concerning dud(e) should become quite clear by the time you finish reading.

The credit for this non-sporting post should surely go to the teaching assistant who in a fit of over-zealousy (may be i got a bit over-zealous in creating this unknown term) mailed the marks list of my recently concluded mid-semester examination. Me being me, i usually don't go to collect my answer scripts for fear of association of my face with my performance (not that he cares, but anyway). So i usually don't know how many marks i got in my exams. This time around he did send the marks list, i did see it and the rest, as they say is history.

They say that people get scared after seeing their marks but ironically i didn't get marks, i got a SINGLE mark!! I would have felt much better with a zero under my belt than with a solitary unit, too weak even to withstand my stinking breath (my breath doesn't actually stink in practice, that's the only fictional part in this non-fictional post). So anyway, i can only wonder how he gave me a [1] for that paper. If you happen to be wondering, my answers were pure fiction created in the spur of the moment.

The Aftermath :-

scene 1: somewhere deep inside the drain (read brain)

enter dude and dud

Dude - what's all this crap man, wassup wid ya ?

Dud - the part of you which thinks that this is crap, is crap

Dude- Huh, what did you just say ?

Dud- never mind, you are too cool to understand anything which makes sense

Dude- whatever man, what do you want me to do, sit down and cry !

Dud- just stop pretending like you don't really care

Dude- look who's talking, aren't you the one trying to redeem your lost pride through this shit

Dud- don't blame me ! we are both equally responsible for this shit

Dude- shit man , you just said shit, am i dreaming ?

Dud- does that really matter in these troubling times

Dude- I don't see any troubling times around, i bet you to show me one

Dud- haha, you think you are funny, don't you ?

Dude- why are you 'troubled' ? Is it because of your past performance or is it because of your potential future hard-ships.    Anyway i don't care coz i live in the present and everything's serene here.

Dud- now what, philosophy ? I got some news for ya, shove your dumb philosophy up your even dumber ass

x-The End-x

psst:- Only one scene was enacted in loving memory of my solitary mark

Colossus Kallis

I almost posted a new entry the other day except for the mis-firing [:)] wordpress server which mysteriously refused to acknowledge my latest offering. Lately i have had nothing to comment on except for sports and i am afraid that this one also belongs to that genre.

South Africa beat Pakistan today in a test match. Ain't that great !! Kallis was back and he duly showed how indispensable he is for the Proteas. Without him the result would have been a whole lot different and the decision to drop Pollock was much awaited,  especially considering the subcontinental tracks where swing is as rare as pleasant climate in Hyderabad.

Steyn is a bright prospect especially in test matches for he is bowler wyho knows only how to attack. The only problem with him is that he is as inconsistent as Sreesanth and gifts away many runs. Harris might have got some wickets but he doesn't look like one for the long-run. He relies a bit too much on the batsmen's mistakes to get his wickets.

As you might have noticed, my Champions League predictions have gone hay-wire (yet again). May be i should stop being so conservative and start predicting a few upsets in the upcoming matches.

Predictometer :- [effective since 1st October]

Football -30%

Cricket- Yet to predict

Desi digs

Notwithstanding their recent 'outstanding' exploits in the T20 world cup, India have managed to once again disgrace themselves on the cricket field. They were very lucky to escape from Bangalore but, luck like fame doesn't have a long life.

Indians have missed out on a golden opportunity here, especially since Ganguly wasn't playing. If they can't win without him, then it would take a double effort to win with him in the side. As i say this, Powar has hit one out of the field much to the anguish of Rameez Raza who happens to be commentating. Wait a minute, the smile's back on his face (no prizes for guessing what happened).

Speaking of commentators, Ravi Shastri has always managed to irk me courtesy of his never ceasing partiality. He tends to praise everything Indian and disapprove everything foreign. That kind of behavior is completely acceptable unless you happen to be a commentator !. The rule of thumb for any commentator should be that they should be impartial. Even Rameez would rank higher than Shastri on the scale of impartiality.

Seeing the way he's going i wouldn't be surprised if he terms an Indian fart as music to his ears.

Prediction :-

Man Utd to eke out a narrow win over Roma

Arsenal to trounce Steaua Bucharest

Valencia to beat Chelsea

Real Madrid and Liverpool to win

Blowing cold

I write this post wondering whether i burned my tongue or the roof my mouth. The culprit was by the way, not a hot lady (raunchy thoughts, huh), it was just some really hot food. The taste was anything but hot but then what can one expect in a canteen of a research institute. Having said that my performance in the gone-by exams was as tasteless as the aforementioned food.

I know that you don't give a damn about my screwed up grades, so why should i ? (wish it was really that easy). Anyway i would like to elaborate a bit on my quite dumb exploits during the course of my exams. First of all, gone are those days when i used to attend classes only for attendance, these days it seems that i even attend exams just for the sake of attendance. The only thing which i usually get right in the examination hall , is my signature on the attendance sheet.

This may feel funny but it damn sure ain't funny. So what do i do during the whole exam, i just keep pondering over how i managed to get myself into such a hopeless situation in the first place. May be this place ain't for me, may be i am so irresponsible or may be i should work hard the next time or may be i should just stop this non-sensical chain of may-be's.

Whatever i do or don't do, this blog will keep getting updated as long as i continue to stay in this non-hot college of mine. I am actually quite amazed that terrorists haven't struck during the past week when festivities reached a feverishly high state.

Prediction:-

Australia to beat India in Bangalore.

What the Haq

What happened was nothing short of a sub-continental tragedy, which quite frankly made the match a parody of a "world cup" final. I know very well that some of you might label this match as the "greatest ever" but then it wasn't so enthralling for a neutral like me.

The way in which Misbah-Ul-Haq got out after playing a mature innings typifies the complete match. The contest was lop-sided for most of the second innings and the way in which the Indians allowed them to crawl back was not worthy of champions.

I personally think that Misbah is a big choker. He had earlier managed not to score off the last two balls and now this. On a more positive note, this match saw me predicting the right result for the first time.

So all of you Indian fans, drop your pants and dance away into the night coz you really deserve it for being such loyal supporters.

I hate to say it but - Chak De India !!

India vs. Pakistan :(

I am not too pleased to watch these two teams go head to head in the final of a major tournament mainly because they are too inconsistent and more over there is no longer an enmity between the two sides. Gone are those good old days when the two teams always stepped on to the pitch daggers drawn. These are the boring days of the "bhai-bhai" relationship where they no longer even swear at each other.

No matter how dull it appears to be, i have no other option but to watch it, just because i have no work to do. If my memory serves right, the last time the Indians entered a final as favorites, was against New Zealand in the 2000 champions trophy held in Kenya. Interestingly, their last appearance in a major final also happened in the African continent in the form of the 2003 WC where they were overwhelming favorites to lose and lose they did.

The last time i predicted the outcome of an India's match, i thought they would win the deciding seventh one-dayer against England but sadly things didn't work out that way. This time around, i am again predicting an Indian win and i am doubly sure that they can pull it off.

P.s:- They had lost in that final to New Zealand having knocked out Australia in the quarters and RSA (Yuvraj had made his dazzling  debut in this series) in the semis but then history only repeats itself for losers like South Africa, not for winners like India.

I am amazed at my over-reaching modesty.

Errata:- India was the joint winner of the champions trophy in 2002 and the 2002 final was the last major final we entered as favorites.

Sports take a back seat (A welcome change)

I have my mid-sems from the day after the day after tomorrow and my preparation is as patchy as this opening sequence. This may not sound strange at all, since almost all of your friends must be humming these words in your ears 24 X 7. On the bright side, they will last for only three days and they will quite surely disappear into the distant horizons  of my mind, even before i realize what hit me.

I feel like a scavenger right now, feeding on the bits and pieces of wireless signals left unconsumed by my peers. This was supposed to be the case prior to the installation of the wireless routers (in my block) but my condition continues to be the same, thanks to the highly ineffective "state of the art" equipment. Having said that, scavengers tend to lose the art of appreciation after a course of time, which makes them incapable of even distinguishing between the good and rotten food.

Changing course, there happens to be a match between Australia and India tomorrow and i am completely undecided on which team to support (not that it matters :)). This lack of decisiveness stems out from the behaviour of some(two to be precise) of my friends in the aftermath of yesterday's match. It was not a big deal but then making mountains out of mole-hills is a lot of fun and that is what i intend to do.

Coming to these two sinners, one of them aspires to be a Swiss citizen but i don't think he will even be able to locate Switzerland on the world map. The other guy is as short as one can get, accompanied with an ever-present irritating giggle. I would really love to see Australia thrash India just for the sake of these chauvinistic guys.

New prediction:-

This tourney no longer deserves my prediction.

We shot ourselves in the Foot (nothing new actually)

As i have predicted, my prediction has gone awfully wrong once again with the Proteas consipiring to cut short their own journey. Their performance was nothing but pathetic to the core. It is time for them to start looking for some flexible players. Their top three batsmen are as one dimensional as you can get. They can't even play responsible cricket and it is high time that AB is sent back to first class cricket to iron out his numerous technical flaws.

The other big mistake was of course dropping Kallis. They sorely missed his composure and i am pretty sure that he would have done a better job than Pollock, even with the ball. What's really disappointing is that this is the first and the last match we are going to lose in this tournament.

So moving on, in order to improve, they need to blend in some responsible players with these dashing players (who are capable of chasing 434 but are also quite capable of throwing it away just like today).

New prediction:-

I am too messed up to make one right now.

T20 (title's as short as the game)

The first thing which is crossing many a cricketing mind these days is "what is wrong with Pakistan ?". Not only did they manage to not chase India's 141, they also sent the pre-super 8 favorites Sri Lanka crashing out. The Pakistan team seems to have become some sort of a bogey team to the Lankans since they had earlier sent them out of the Champions Trophy where the Lankans were termed favorites by the "experts".

Speaking of Lanka, they seem more or less like the bygone South African team which used to win everything comfortably barring the crunch matches (of course). Coming to the Proteas, they happen to be the only unbeaten team so far (which can be largely attributed to the quality of the teams they faced). As of now, they are on course to meet Australia in the semis which threatens to be a mis-match much like the earlier WC semi-final. They would be better off facing Pakistan instead, which is possible if they lose to the Yuvraj XI in a calculated fashion.

So  what about Pakistan, the biggest surprise package of the tourney. I feel that they have been pretty lucky so far and a place in the finals would be completely unjustified simple because of their ever-consistent inconsistency.

My prediction :-

Australia to win beating NZ/Ind in the final having beaten RSA in the semis.

p.s: I believed Sri lanka to win the cup initially, and to tell you the effectiveness of my predictions, i had two years earlier managed to  get all the 4 semi-finalists wrong in the champions league even after watching the first leg of their  respective quarter-finals.

Unworthy of a title

I always get that feeling of envy whenever i watch the people involved with Discovery channel. The reason not being their abundant uni-dimensional knowledge but the jobs they get to do. If i had it my way, then i would happily roam about as a part of their exploration entourage provided, they don't ask me to do the adrenaline pumping stuff (i am a born coward). I wouldn't even care for salary if provided with such an opportunity, which by the way is the only driving force for all professional geeks (opinions may vary).

So what is it that these non-geeks do ? (Geeks for me covers all people who work in the confines of a building). They just walk about happily in wilderness narrating something about the significance of some things which are unfortunately completely insignificant for the worthless money making clan of "professionals".

Having made some second-person observations, let me now step into the shoes of the first-person for a thankfully short duration. The first observation i make is regarding the human style of walking. I happen to believe that we move our hands in sync with our legs because we evolved from creatures which used to walk on all fours and since, old habits die hard, we are yet to stop moving our hands even though we needn't to.

On a more personal front, i happen to know three languages but when it comes to talking, i use only one. I do use the other two, but i happen to write more than i speak, in those languages. Having said/written that, i would also like to acquaint myself with Punjabi simply because it is an amusingly funny dialect.

They ain't Chokers (anymore)

Every time a major cricketing event comes about, the only thing the papers talk about while referring to RSA is that "the time has come for them to shed their chokers' tag". Come on !, give them a break, they don't deserve that tag anymore. Gone are those days of despair, when they somehow managed to choke on the D-day after having dominated right through the tournament.

These days they hardly make it to the D-day, not because they are choking at a premature stage, but because they just don't have  enough ammunition in their bowling department to back up their ever so inconsistent batting line-up. The quota system in prevalance as of know only seems to be adding to their vows.

Speaking of quota, i wonder how Thsabalala made it into the team in the first place. The way he bowls is just like a lullaby to the opposition's batsmen.

Looks like nature's conspiring against me as well. As it stands right now, i will be unable to watch the match due to disruption caused to the cable lines by lightning.

Two reviews and a preview

There is no need to buckle up your seats or anything, for the reviews, are for two completely insignificant man made creations. The first one amongst this happens to be FIFA 08 (demo version). Having been addicted to this game for the past season, i have to say that the new one ain't so different from the old one.

The major and most interesting change has to be the one done to the goal-keeper who has been designed to be a more pro-active figure unlike the previous editions where he almost never left his line. Since i have played only the demo version i haven't had a chance to find out about the new " Be a Pro" feature where you get to play with a single player for the whole course of the match.

Coming to the visual aspect, the turf seems greener and the stands seem fuller but the clarity has clearly gone astray. I am hoping that, that won't be the case with the full version.

The other review is concerned with the Tarantino part of " Grindhouse" namely "Deathproof ". True to his usual conventional style,Tarantino has managed to churn out yet another unconventional movie. (I am not complaining though)

The beginning part of the movie runs solely on the finer side of feminism (which happens to include some vulgar yet appealing body movements designed to present the character as bootylicious). The fun really begins in the "after six months" segment where the director moves away from the ladies' tushies (finally) to concentrate on some freaky car rides.

I would have dismissed this movie as thrash except for the last 30 mins which are really fun to watch. I would recommend this movie only to men, as women might find this one a bit offending. Go ahead gentlemen , have a blast :) .

Coming to the preview, i think that India will wrap up the series quite comfortably today. I don't know why, but as far as cricket is concerned , i tend to be unrealistically optimistic about India while being realistically pessimistic about South Africa.

Holy gay!!, I'm Straight

Before i begin, i would like to say that, my professors' bald heads are more interesting than the subjects they teach. Unfortunately for you people, i have nothing more to add on this as i have completely run out of demeaning phrases.

Changing tracks...

As it so very often happens on Orkut, i got a not so anonymous scrap from an anonymous person. The thing which makes it worth mentioning is, not the true identity of the anonymous guy but the ambiguity of his expressions as seen from the point of view of his scrap.

The scrap went something like " hii sexy, your profile is cool, but you are hot, how about becoming friends ".(It was actually a bit longer and a bit more obscene, i had deleted it immediately due to which i can't recall the complete details). To clarify things a lil bit, no picture of mine is available on the web, so his views can be classified under fiction (at least until he sees me :)). The thing in question however isn't how sexy i am, but what were his intentions.

The first thought that crossed my mind was pertaining the homosexual content in the scrap, but then in the positive sense,it might well be an in-experienced user of the English language who thinks that branding people sexy is a nice and easy way to pave way for friendship. These type of things usually happen when you use a foreign language. Actually, i am quite sure that most of you interpret my writings in a way different from mine, which may basically be attributed to the fact that I indulge in malapropism quite a lot.

Moving back to the contentious topic of homo-sexuality (luckily it ain't so conspicuous in India), i thought that it was restricted to the African-American tribes of USA and to some European countries. (But as you all know, the world doesn't adhere to my ideology)
As i say this, there happens to be a gay roaming amongst my not so unsuspecting batch mates. I shall not even begin to mention his name, but i can very well give you the name of my friend, PDSR, who happens to know a thing or two about the infamous exploits of the aforementioned person.

P.S:- If i had it my way, then i would banish all these crooked people to timbuktu.

A few cheeky observations

In this edition of Rahul's blog, i would like to describe the various vagaries associated with watching an Indian cricket match in the T.V lounge. The thing most noticeable is, of course the partiality shown by my peers towards the Indian team. The most disappointing aspect of that happens to be that they don't even begin to appreciate the opposition's exploits on the field.

The other mentionable thing is their lack of knowledge about the game (the same cannot be said about their knowledge of Sachin though) . Half of them don't even realise that a batsman can't be given out on a ball which pitches outside the leg-stump (may be they just enjoy the game and don't give a damn about rules). The same thing sadly applies even to the football watching denizens of our institute who aren'e even aware of the away goals rule applied in the champions league.

Some of them even believe that we can restrict a team without taking any wickets and they think a run rate of 8 over 10 overs is more difficult than a run rate of 6 over 50. They think like what i used to some 10 years ago. May be all these years of  watching T.V has made me a pundit on the game (Too bad that the tables are turned when it comes to academics).

Frankly speaking, i have never been a fan of Indian cricket and i, more often than not, find my friends' antics more entertaining than the brand of cricket dished out by the Indian team. I, by the way, happen to support a certain team which goes by the name of South Africa ( Haven't i mentioned it already ?).

Being a supporter of the Proteas is not so fruitful as i don't get to see all of their matches. Having said that, i do have the option of going to my home to watch their matches. As a matter of fact, the only reason i go home these days is to catch some sporting events on T.V.

Switching back, why do captains always go for dumb field placements at the death. Why can't they see that they need to get their third-man finer when the batsmen begin to slog and why do they bother to bring in the fine-leg and thereby allow all of those cheeky shots. (A shot over the extra cover is more deserving of a four than the cheeky shots to the vacant fine-leg region)

Yesterday's match was quite reminiscent of England's earlier win against the Windies where Owais Shah and company managed to score some 70 odd runs in the last five overs to win the 20-20 tie, and most of the runs scored on that occasion were "cheeky" as well.

On the verge of losing it

The other day i happened to receive a mail from one of the death-eaters which went like " your batch's performance has really been awful, so be prepared to repeat this course next year". Now hold on sir, first of all, your course comprises of nothing but reproducing a circuit already existent on the web. So what the eff (thought of cutting out the slang, eff here stands for FUCK by the way) are you yelling at ?

It's true that people like me can't even do that, but your course doesn't deserve a second try. There are other courses which i can think of tolerating for the second time, but if you ask me to repeat your course then i am pretty sure that my already precarious mental scale will shift permanently towards insanity.On that effingly sane note, i would like to end this one to one conversation.

Moving away from my impending date with insanity, let me share with you my views on a certain mythological being, born on this day. Funnily enough, i am discussing this, only to emphasize my hatred towards this guy (or whatever you wish to call him). The reason for my inbuilt hatred towards him, stems from the way in which he plotted the killing of my favorite mythological creation namely Karna.

So to sum up my post so far, i have criticized two beings quite unfairly, but then have you ever seen me praise anything ?

Ain't it ironic that this post should follow up my clarification where i mentioned that my posts aren't the byproducts of my frustration ?

Guess what, this one IS.

Sports and a Clarification

The dreaded day has finally arrived with Ole Gunnar Solskjaer deciding to let his frustration get better of him. This will draw the curtains on an illustrious career which in it's pinnacle gave the role of a substitute a whole new meaning.  His persistent alliance with injuries kept unleashing emotional havoc both within him and his numerous fans alike, towards the end of his career (could my elucidation stoop any further ?).

In case you haven't understood anything thus far, then you better start watching some football ! There is more to sports than just cricket, people (people here happens to be substituting Indians, of course).

The next person i am going to talk about is a tennis player whom, i know most of you people wouldn't know about. He happens to go by the name of John Isner, he is an American and has recently created a record for serving the most number of aces in a non-grand slam tournament (i haven't verified the authenticity of that record).He has already knocked out a seed in the opening round of the US open (which by the way wasn't the erstwhile Safin), his rise to fame has been meteoric and as a matter of fact dwarfs the achievements of Hamilton whose rise to fame can be solely attributed to the technology at his disposal.

Before i sign out, i would like to clarify that my posts are designed to be humorous and are not a manifestation of my frustrations as some of you believe. Maybe the fact that i don't use smileys has something to do with it but then using smileys would only de-value the seriousness of my comic ventures.

what i've done ??

In case you are a "proud" owner of an Ipod, then try to do the following. Firstly, select the settings option present in the main menu and then scroll down to set the shuffle option to off. Having done this, go back to the main menu and select shuffle songs.

If everything goes right, then something should be wrong with your ipod by now. I have tried this twice and on both occasions the device got stuck. I couldn't even switch it off !!

On the first occasion, i believed that my beloved had passed away but after waiting patiently for a whole day (during the course of which it was thrown about in frustration many a time) it finally got switched off. It had no other option actually, it had run out of charge.

Once it switches off, the battle is won because it starts to function properly after charging it. So before you try to do something stupid with your ipod, make sure that it has less back-up power.

The moral of the story happens to be that the best remedy for any electronic malfunction would be to restart the device. Too bad that the ipod doesn't provide us with this luxury because even the power off button ceases to function in such sticky situations.

Disclaimer:-

The title refers to my unwarranted foray into the technical world. I personally think that it would be better for my blog if i continue to stay away from such sticky situations [:)]

Cheap Shots

May be i should begin by apologizing for posting only two posts in the week gone by. I am, as a matter of fact quite prepared for that, with a bunch of excuses eagerly waiting to justify the slackness exhibited by me. First of all, the past week saw the beginning of the Natwest series, then there was a problem with LAN and more importantly many of my friends opined that i didn't have to update my blog so very often.

They even went on to point a finger (or rather criticized) at my tendency to express myself more through my writings than actual verbal conversations. So as a response to their feed-back, i have decided to point one (finger) back at them, but not the index to begin (shades of Slim Shady).

Shahrukh declared quite proudly in his movie that " woh kya hain, hamare hockey mein chakke nahin hote" , then what was he doing there in the first place. I would have dis-agreed with his satire on cricket except for the fact that there have been many a instance in recent times which show the questionable attitude of cricketers.

Top on my hit-list would be Jack Kallis who declared that he was contemplating his future with the South African cricket and that he had other offers waiting on the table. Doesn't playing for your country mean anything to you ? If all that you care about is money, then why don't you get yourself enrolled in your country's infamous club of criminals. I am sure that you will earn much more than you do at present, but the only thing is that you would have to improve your running between the wickets.

No wonder the New-Zealand cricket board wants the ICC to recognize ICL, so that they don't lose their star players (who also happen to be money gobbling whores). Now that i have delivered my fair share of cheap shots, let me share with you some of the cheap shots taken by others.

Top on this list have to be the terrorists who have taken yet another shot at claiming the lives of the not so innocent people. What's even cheaper is the way in which they execute these cheap missions. They planted 21 bombs of which only 2 exploded !! Taking into account their efficiency,it looks like they have done their graduation in electronics from my college.

Is night life worth livin' ?

We at present have deteriorated to a situation where we make Global warming the culprit from every untoward change in the climate conditions. It may be true or may be a false allegation or may be i should just shut up and get on with my job.

Let us for the moment assume that all the vagaries of climate are caused due to Global warming. Having assumed thus, it is now safe to say that it classifies as yet another misadventure embarked upon by our race. The first of these misadventures happened to take place when the early-man learned to live a more civilized life. The problem with being civilized is that we continue to manipulate our surroundings until we forget the feeling of being uncomfortable.

Anyone who's come across Charles Darwin in their secondary schools, know very well that evolution occurs only when a particular species doesn't feel comfortable in it's surroundings. So what we have actually done all these years is that we have prevented our evolution. Is it good or bad ? (I don't know man, i like the way i am)

So what does evolution have to do with Global warming ? It's just that we were so hell-bent in preserving our physical assets (no wonder we have beauty parlors all around) that we used all our mental abilities to invent everything we have today in a hurry. During this process, we also happened to let a lot of pollutants into the air (which is not our problem). The sad part now happens to be that we are fast running out of resources which act as our sources of pollution. (It is really an irony, that we are fighting to save something which will eventually kill us).

The simplest way to conserve our fuels would be by eliminating night life. Why can't you work in the day when you get sunlight for free , why waste electricity by staying up late into the night , why do big cities take bigger pride in their active night life. Is doing work in the night really necessary ?As far as i am concerned, the only work which has ever been done successfully at night is the process which leads to reproduction (even this is done with the lights off !!!).

So see to it that you don't stay up late in to the night unless you happen to be involved in a work which involves no usage of electricity [:)].

and one more thing for all the college going suckers....staying up late ain't cool, sleeping early ain't a crime, night-life is a truck load of shit (which by the way can be used as manure).

Disclaimer:-

The above views were expressed by an under-graduate in the engineering stream. So there is no reason for you to abandon your beliefs and concur with the ideas expressed.

Could you suggest one ?

The other day happened to be my birthday and it turned out to be eventful, for a change. To start with some of my not so public parts were given quite a beating, but the bigger pain in the arse was washing off the cake which sort of refused to let go of me. The aftermath of my hour long struggle for freedom against the aforementioned foe in chilly waters late in the night was that i felt not so healthy after waking up the following morning.

It didn't matter that much though as i rushed home to catch up with the latest gossips floating around in the world of electronic media. Even though i follow things other than sports, i would like to restrict myself to sports for the moment. Top on my agenda would be to lambast Nani who spent all his energy in fooling Sir Alex that he seems to have nothing left to show on the field. He is certainly a bigger flop than Shevchenko was with Chelsea last season.

Speaking of Sir Alex's naivety, his team lacks the willingness to work hard ala Mourinho's Chelsea (who were unjustifiably fortunate in securing a draw against a refreshingly entertaining Liverpool). I could go on forever but i guess the time's ripe to strip off my punditorial (made the word right now,derivative of pundit) behaviour.

On the day preceeding my b'day, i happened to watch Bourne Ultimatum (twice in fact) which, notwithstanding the rave reviews it has been receiving is bound to entertain only the Bourne faithful. To sum it up, it's just a typical Bourne movie (which makes it all the more enjoyable actually).

The best news i have heard so far this season happens to be the induction of Lance Klusener (my all-time favorite) into the clan of ICL which by the way will enable me to catch him live (on Tv atleast).

Send in suggestions befitting the title.

Thou Shalt be criticised, execise Caution

The first two papers that i faced were so easy that i felt like a batsman dismissed without having faced a ball on a belter of a pitch. I don't know what the death-eaters had in mind whilst preparing the question papers.

Hold on my dear "friends", you needn't cast your green eye upon me, for i have only managed to churn out yet another insipid performance at the examinations (which i am sure would make you selfish buggers happy). By the way, i had always had this tendency to term papers damn easy even though i could score only 50% in them.

Come on my dear friends, you and i know very well that the only way to proceed forward is by trampling others. So please don't even bother to bring up this topic when you meet me the next time and more-over, never try to justify your selfish actions because they would only make you look even more Scroogy.This ain't a personal crusade, i am just writing this to fill up some of the lines of my usually light-hearted blog.

I am sure that this blog won't go down well, because you happen to be filled to the brim with arrogance, to swallow this bitter pill. The thing which really irritates me is your lack of courage to tell the truth. Why will i give a shit to how you perform, so why not tell the truth!!!!!

I know that you don't deserve this criticism, but what to do,this happens to be the theme of this blog. Exploring these sort of negative thoughts is bound to expand the horizon of my blog. Don't even begin to think that i am in a foul temper, as a matter of fact i am over-joyed at my new found ability of making others feel dumb ( and myself dumber). If you happen to think that i am lying, then i guess that's just a reflection of your cockiness.

Never ever think that you can read the other guy's feelings because you are, after all just a mortal stuck in a world filled with hypocrites. I would have liked to make this one a bit more humorous, but then it would have stolen the sting of my verbal volleys.

Diclaimer:-

Three cheers people, i meant no offense whatever, for i live a wonderful life in a wonderful world filled with wonders like you (don't even begin to think that i meant it)

Misfiring Manchester

The season is only two rounds old but the start made by Manchester United indicates that they are back to their days of unpredictability unlike a Chelsea or Arsenal who are quite predictably boring. Liverpool on the other hand seem to be a mixed breed. They are unpredictable but predictably boring.

The bigger problem though seems to be the suspension of Ronaldo for the next three matches. He is such a talent that he can't be replaced by anyone in the squad of Man Utd unlike Rooney (who is btw out for 2 months) who can be replaced by dime a dozen players. As far as i am concerned, Rooney ain't such a great player as the English press makes him out to be. He may be the best English striker but he is way behind the strikers from the rest of the world.

Lately my mail box is being littered with so many "lottery winner" mails that if they were true, i would have had enough money to buy the Man Utd club from the Glazers. The first thing which i would do then would be to buy Alexandre Pato from Ac Milan and then fire Sir Alex for stagnating the club with his seemingly end-less presence.

Disclaimer:-

Matches of Chelsea and Arsenal aren't so boring, it's just that i don't support either of them.

Nothin Official

As you might know, i had earlier bragged about how my college had made an offer which even Mr.APJ couldn't refuse. It turned out that he was obliged to attend the function only because he has got himslf enrolled as a distinguished faculty member. As a matter of fact, the flag was hoisted much before his arrival. Had he come any earlier, he would have been treated to the visual of awkwardness personified which kinda epitomizes the capabilities of our physical training staff. By the way, the flag was hoisted by our Director. (Don't you see, Mr.APJ is after all just a faculty member who is supposed to work under him).

His speech was so artificial that it looks like he has already inculcated the the official spirit of our teaching staff. It was quite evident that he was not acting natural,the moment a prepared speech was kept in front of him. The speech was supposed to be tailor-made for the IT industry but as it turned out even the witty comedic additions by Mr.Kalam couldn't rescue the script.

He also said that a ignited mind is the greatest resource one can find either above or below or on the earth's surface.

Well, i will have to end now since i have exams from tomorrow and writing a lengthy blog wouldn't justify their presence.

Disclaimer:-

I don’t know why people tend to think that i ‘was’ studious during my school days. Maybe the fact that i got decent marks most of the time , has something to do with it. As far as i am concerned, me getting 95% in the board was just a paradox. Marks aside, nothing has changed in the way i look at studies or the way in which studies look at me.

The case of the missing grammar

As soon as i glanced at the Times today, i had a big smile on my face because of the quotation which read "Nothing worth learning, can be taught", so why bother to attend classes in the first place.

Quite recently, i was asked to confirm (by an unknown person) whether i was "the dosa guy" back in my school days.To put things in perspective, i don't eat break-fast anymore mainly because it eats into 15 minutes of my sleep (looks like my grammar has gone shopping).Coming back to dosa, i do remember my awkward style of eating it, which involved a full fledged dosa  being gulped in a single go accompanied by water.Whats even more distasteful (in my case) is that the  afore mentioned person claimed that he remembers me only because of that!!.

I am afraid that i have some bad news for... myself. My first encounter with the CAT didn't go all too well today as i was left scratching my head more often than not mainly because of the ambiguous questions. Let me simulate one such situation.

1) State whether the following statements are facts or judgements?

a) Safin is the idealistic idol.

b)Bollywood lacks brains.

c)My blogs are entertaining.

As far as i am concerned, all of them would be facts[:)] which might not be the case(sadly) with you.

The things which were not fashionable but became so because of a charismatic performer :-

a) Eating like a swine ( Brad Pitt in the Ocean series)

b)Crying (Federer)

c)Double-crossing (Pirates)
d)Cutting everything short [:)] ( like this list)

In the present century, one of the most mysterious trends has been the relationship between the female skirt length and her economic condition.

Authorised Personal (well...some of it)

In case you haven't noticed it is Personal ( not personnel !!), anyway don't fret coz it makes no difference. Speaking of spellings, we (with me being an exception of course) tend to fumble up a lot of them, like for example ,the other day i happened to notice a friend of mine greet the other one "many happy writtens of the day" (i don't think that was intentional).

Looks like Mr.Abdul Kalam is going to come to our college on Independence day.Frankly speaking, we made an offer which he couldn't resist, which was hoisting the Indian flag on Independence day. What's even better is that he is going to take lectures for a week every year here. Oh oh, i even forgot to introduce Mr.Kalam, he happens to be the former President of India who was dumped unceremoniously for refusing to be a rubber-stamp. What's more shameful is that he was succeeded by a scum bag who happens to have come loaded with a bagful of scams.

This was supposed to be personal right, but thus far it hasn't been. Maybe i should have saved the title for another day [:)]. The other day when my friend asked me what i do usually the whole day , i wasn't even able to give an answer. May be i should hire a chartered accountant to help me in keeping an account on how i spend my time.

May be i should keep a tab on my life by not opening too much tabs while i browse the net ( does the last one make the cut as a phatta?, waiting for your comments)

Movies not worth watching this week-end:-

Next,Vacancy,Captivity,Perfect Stranger,Hannibal Rising

Sectarian Violence Rages on

As you must be aware, the conflicts between the Sunnis and the Shias continue to burn unabated, fueled on by the bloods of the Iraqis but the good news happens to be that we are not here to discuss that. For all of those interested in Iraqi politics, this is where you should take your leave.

I would like to introduce to you a certain "Shia Labeouf" who i didn't know even existed until about ten days back. So in order to make amends, i have watched three of his movies over the past two days namely "Transformers", "Disturbia" and "Constantine".I had in fact watched Constantine for the second time(which is quite an achievement considering the movie reviews which went something like "Constantine didn't want to go to hell, so he sent the audience instead") only to notice the presence of this guy.

The last week also saw the release of the third installment of the Bourne saga. As a matter of fact, it has opened to the highest box office collections ever, for a movie released in august (fact brought to you by wikipedia). I have always been a fan of the Bourne series mainly because they seem realistic excluding the fact that the lead character changes countries more often than his clothes.

Vulgarity inc (censored version)

The other day i happened to receive a mail from the PG students which went as " We too have feelings, and if you (i.e UG) don't stop taunting us, appropriate action will be taken". Wow, they too have feelings !, that was news to me, i always thought that they were dumb, to join here to do their post-graduation. I guess that my chances of being a mascot of my college have gone up in smoke with that statement.

Looks like the quality of my blogs (as far as i am concerned) is coming tumbling down much like the form of erstwhile Marat Safin (amazing that i have never mentioned him till now). So i have decided to incorporate some vulgar/humorous statements made by someone else to stem the downfall of my blog albeit temporarily.

1) The three greatest tragedies of my life- life sucks, job sucks but wife doesn't.

2) I was so stunned at looking the prices, that my balls inter changed their positions.

3) If you work hard, you will rise as fast as a twelve year old's dick (stole it from myself).

Too bad that i have managed to cut, copy, paste only three of them .

Now that my blog is bound to receive some attention, let me move on to some U/A topics. First of all, no one has shown that he has the guts ( or rather balls (in A-version)) to criticise my blogs. So i have decided to do it myself

1) It ain't crispy.

2) I tend to explain everything (like a spoon-feading school teacher).

3) I play to the gallery all too often.

4)My writings are self-conscious.

5) I have inculcated vulgar to stem the rot, much like the Bollywood movies which believe "only Sharukh and Sex sell".

Speaking of criticism,they say that the worst criticism any literary work can get is "it is full of cliches". Not surprisingly, i was a recipient of this tag in my ninth standard itself (does that make me a child prodigy ?)

I am sure that the uncensored version of this blog would have come as a nasty surprise to you all , so i have decided to give you time until the next week to digest it.

pss...:- It(the original one) ain't as vulgar as i make it out to be (isn't it?)

Know Title

I am getting an eerie feeling that this blog is going to be like a desi soap (short way of saying that it has no plot and is going to be painfully lengthy) maybe i should think of a title that begins with a K. It is not my fault that i don't have a single topic to write about, the blame more or less lies on .........(you should know by now) for disabling my ability of concentration. I know that i have reiterated this point n (n>11) number of times but the fact remains that the achievements of "you know who" cannot be under-mined and more importantly (as in my case) can't be stressed enough.

To save myself from the ignominy of using the "you know who" phrase all too often, i am going to refer to them as death-eaters (shamelessly adopted from the adventures of Harry Potter). The other day , it so happened that a death-eater kept glancing at the watch every five minutes. I being an optimist thought that he was inculcating some human feelings of boredom , but to my surprise it turned out that he was waiting for the right moment to conduct a quiz.

The problem with having good ring-tones is that you allow your cell phone to ring and ring and ring until the caller decides to cut the crap. Too bad he doesn't realise the immense enjoyment we derive in his moments of agony.

The good thing about being born in a middle class family is that you get to experience both sides of our economy.

The examples which i had stated earlier were not so clever, so i was forced to cut them out in this edited version.I realise that if i go on further, it might be as dumb as a dead guy coming back alive to say his own version of what had happened.