Friday, December 21, 2007

My blog + your time = time wasted

Don't you ever get sick of time?, it's there all the time but more often than not, leaves us behind in a big load of trouble. The best way to get rid of this timeless menace would be to either stick with it or to just lose count of it. The latter method though, can get you nowhere and is moreover only implementable when you get yourself a jail term. The most unique thing about time is that it just keeps going and going and going, and if i keep going, i guess you will be going.

Anyway, i thought of writing something about the Crusades having watched "The Kingdom Of Heaven" the other day. The fact that i watched this movie after such a long time is in itself a testimony to it's box office reception. However, i would place it alongside Ridley Scott's 'best' movies like "Gladiator" and "American Gangster". Maybe the critics would have thought likewise had Russell Crowe played the leading role in this one as well, instead of the placid Orlando Bloom.

Crusades as you might know, were fought by Christian fanatics to plunder wealth and resources from the Muslims in the name of god. Such crusades exist even today, though the way in which the plundering is done has become much more organized. These modern day crusades are carried on by a certain Mr.Bush against the countries in the middle east in the name of democracy.The modern day crusades, thus initiated by Bush have evolved to become a world wide phenomenon wherein the people of one ethnicity view the others with apprehension.

Luckily, it hasn't snowballed into a major war mainly because of the incapabilities of the middle east countries to wage a serious war and also because of the "respect" other countries have for the USA. Had any other country committed such atrocities against the middle east, half of the world would have been screaming foul, including India. Apart from Russia, no other country seems to have a dick big enough to stand up against USA.

Having said that, India does seem to be doing it's own lil bit to weaken the USA by exporting as many Indians as possible. In this way, even the USA is bound to become inefficient and end up like "just another country with a glorious past".


The time you enjoy wasting, is not wasted time. So don't sit and cry about the time you "wasted".


Punchagan, Ridley Scott, Bush, GRE aspirants and time

Coming soon:-

Round up of today's champions league draw

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

A collection of worthless passages make this one....Worth a skip

Today might be Tuesday but i am writing about Monday because it happens to occur only once a week where as Tuesday is just another day of the week, just like Monday. Actually there isn't much of a difference between the two days apart from the fact that one of them always occurs before the other.

The above passage would have been my entry for the "Worst Opening Passage" competition held by Reader's Digest in the past month. Unfortunately, i came to know about it only after the results were announced and thus the presence. Anyway you can find the winner in this month's edition or even better, you can find it right here, right now.

Gerald began--but was interrupted by a piercing whistle which cost him ten percent of his hearing permanently, as it did everyone else in a ten-mile radius of the eruption, not that it mattered much because for them "permanently" meant the next ten minutes or so until buried by searing lava or suffocated by choking ash--to pee.

(By the way, i write these, days of the week with a capital letter to avoid this text editor's ire which is the case otherwise)

Let's talk about Monday now. It is the day on which i wake the earliest, for i am at home and i have to attend a class at 10:00 in the college. I usually wake up at around 8:00 and then, promptly turn on the T.V to watch VH1's " good morning"/ breakfast segment which is worth a watch as it features the latest music videos.

However, the most noticeable difference between Mondays and the other days of the week happens to be my increased affinity for the bathroom/john/loo/powder room on this particular day. I had earlier thought that this phenomenon was the consequence of my diet on sunday which predominantly comprises of non-veg items. However, this time around my woes have continued well in to Tuesday. It's kind of surprising because i had skipped the customary non-veg meal this week-end.

So, what this proves is that non-veg items aren't the ones to be blamed, instead my whole appetite on week-ends, is. The actual reason as i see, happens to be that, i eat very less on week-days in college that my digestive tract has become incapable of digesting all the thrash i dump down it during the week-end, having got acclamatized to the scant intake on the other days . So that solves the mystery of "Monday Motions Mania". ( Guess this one would've made a better entry :) )

Speaking of toilets, i happen to recollect an inscription inside a toilet of a train which went something like:-

duniya pahunch gayi hai chand par

aur thu khada hai yahain, apna ....... pakadkar


In case you are thinking of banging your head after reading this, that too is worth a skip :) .

Monday, December 17, 2007

Not the brightest sporting Sunday

AC Milan beat Boca to win the FIFA world club title, Manchester United beat Liverpool to go on to the top of the Premier League, albeit for a couple of hours, and Arsenal beat Chelsea to regain their position at the top. What's wrong with all these clubs, beating each other up. (That, my dear friends is the PJ of the day)

'Yesterday' had a plenty of potential to turn into a great sporting day but all those hopes petered out on the TV screen as the day dragged on. The rot was set rolling with the non-match between Australia and New Zealand, and a mis match between AC Milan and Boca (who) later in the afternoon. The match might have been entertaining, but it certainly couldn't keep me hooked once the fourth goal went in. The absence of Riquelme was quite a deterrent and the presence of Inzaghi as the striker up front wasn't much help either.

The big games which followed in the evening were tightly contested affairs. They were so tight that there was no room for entertainment which by the way isn't about mid-field scuffles. Considering the matches, a draw would have been a fair result in both the games. Having said that, football is an uncompromising game which kicks you in the gut if you don't stay on top or rather don't jump high enough, just as Petr Cech found out.

The day was rescued to a certain extent courtesy Dale Steyn, whose bowling of late, has become a pure joy to watch. Those four wicket taking deliveries, certainly went a long way in cushioning the blow delivered (to the South African supporters) by their own batsmen earlier in the night.

There was also the small matter of ICL over on Zee, where Cairns let one and all (including his team) down to hand over the inaugural cup to Chennai Superstars .

The coming Sunday doesn't have many events but it does feature a clash between Real Madrid and a Messi-less Barcelona, late into the night.

Dud -> wouldn't that be monday

Dude -> did you invent the days of the week ?

Friday, December 14, 2007

Interview blues- 2

In the News:-

1) Liverpool through to the next round, to face Man Utd next

2) My friend NKC, does something to enable me getting live cricket scores every 10 minutes on my cell (for free)

3) Nishanth Reddy proves that he is the champ of IIIT, yet again (yawn people).

4) My system crashes for the 2nd time in the month.

5) Arsenal and Chelsea are also through, but no one knows with what.

6) News just in, Fabio Capello has agreed to become England's coach. Fan's express horror over his decision.

Let's go back to the interview............

me/teacher-> So let's pick up where we left off so unceremoniously the last time around.

h-> Given the investment our company will make in hiring and training you, can you give us a reason to hire you?

dude -> i ain't a taxi to be hired

h -> excuse me

dude -> please... go ahead

h (sighs)-> Which college classes or subjects did you like best? Why?

dude-> I have three lines for you

"oh pain, oh pain

those classes were a big pain

in parts i wouldn't want to explain"

h -> i'm pleased with your decision to not explain

dude ->  don't i make sound judgements

h-> I am the one to ask questions around here

dude -> you are so insecure. Aren't you?

h (clears his throat)-> Do you think that your grades are a indication of your academic achievement?

dude -> hell yeah, otherwise you wouldn't even sit here interviewing me

h -> Tell me what you know about our company.

dude -> I would like to quote from " The Departed", with your permission of course

h-> does that have anything to do with my question

dude-> yeah

h(yawns) -> ok, go ahead

dude-> If i had any idea about what you were doing, you would all be just fu**ing c***s, do you mean to say that you are all c***(the singular form of the 'c' word rhymes with James Blunt)

h->I'm sorry, i couldn't quite get you

dude-> you would really be sorry if you got me

h-> Do you have a geographic preference?

dude -> i am a geek for god's sake. don't ask me geography

h-> Do you think you might like to live in the community in which our company is located?

dude-> no problem man, i will join your community right away. Is it in facebox or orkut, I  personally prefer........

h (interrupts) -> neither

dude -> oh, i see not

h->  Describe a situation where others you were working with on a project disagreed with your ideas. What did you do?

dude -> simple mate, i tagged along with them. Team work's essential you see

h-> Tell of a time when you worked with a colleague who was not completing his or her share of the work. Who, if anyone, did you tell or talk to about it? Did the manager take any steps to correct your colleague? Did you agree or disagree with the manager's actions?

dude-> Most of the time, that person was me. I guess you should ask my friends that question

h-> What suggestions do you have for our organization?

dude-> i have one, but i would prefer to say that after i get enrolled in your organization

me /teacher-> that's it for today.I have a small assignment for you

students-> is it to find out the 'c' word?

me ->no

students -> ohhhhhh

me-> write down the suggestion which dude has for his organization

students -> but sir, he is so dumb and we are so smart

me -> yeah right, you can say that again


The quote from Departed wasn't censored while being screened in our Indian theatres.

I've been considerate :)

Liverpool do face Man Utd tomorrow, but in a different tournament.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Interview Blues - 1

At long last December has arrived and has brought with it a sense of purpose into the lives of some of us .  I, by the way ain't one of "us" for i am still quite immature, incapable, irresponsible and thereby indifferent to the demands of the professional world. Anyway, this happens to be the month of interviews, formal attires, no satires and lots of other things which i don't know about :(  .

So, let us quickly move on to things i know about and try to work our way from there (don't i sound like your teacher)

Let me illustrate a not so typical interview

The victims 'Dud(e)' walk in to be interviewed by Mr.H 

scene 1 :- (skip on to scene 2, if short on time)

h- please be seated

dude- of course dude, the last thing i need is to stand through this torture

dud- thank you sir

(Dud stifles a yawn, dude yawns)

h-  what are u doing

dud- oh, nothing sir

dude- just wanted you to know how i really feel about you and your company

h- that was a yawn, wasn't it ?

dud- i was so excited (yawns..... again) about this opportunity that i could hardly sleep

dude- what else can it be Einstein? does it look like i am opening my mouth asking to be fed

[Guess it would be more simpler for both you and me if Dud were eliminated, so..]

scene 2:-

h ->  How would you describe yourself?

dude -> i am the type of person your boss asked you to stay away from

h -> What specific goals, including those related to your occupation, have you established for your life?

dude -> to skip as many jobs as possible, the buck stops only where there are more bucks

h ->  How has your college experience prepared you for a business career?

dude ->it has taught me virtually nothing, so i guess you have my whole gray matter to work upon, more resources you see

h -> Please describe the ideal job for you following graduation

dude -> i haven't come across any ideal job as such, have you?

h -> What influenced you to choose this career?

dude -> money of course

h -> At what point did you choose this career?

dude -> well, it was certainly before i met you

h -> What specific goals have you established for your career?

dude -> haven't you asked this already

h ->  What do you think it takes to be successful in this career?

dude -> go and ask your boss !!, aren't you ashamed to ask your sub-ordinates

h ->  How do you determine or evaluate success? Give me an example of one of your successful accomplishments.

dude -> it all depends on the bank balance at the end of the day. I have managed to keep a straight face so far and that's an accomplishment in itself

h-> Do you have the qualifications and personal characteristics necessary for success in your chosen career?

dude -> you wouldn't have invited me otherwise, would you?

h -> If you could do so, how would you plan your college career differently?

dude-> as far as i can see, this college has only been useful as a meeting place, so i guess i would have rented this same room some 4 years ago to organize a meeting with your highness.

h -> Would you describe yourself as goal-driven?

me (interfering)-> i guess time's up, so see you all tomorrow


The dud(e) character has been adopted from my earlier post "Confessions of an insecure dud(e)". You might well want to get acquainted with the characters.

I guess this series will drag on for a couple more days. In case of any boredom, do feel free to intimate me

Thursday, December 6, 2007

Bandwidth wars and a stupid poem

The most amusing thing happening on DC++ these days, is the on going tussle for downloading rights between a well established regime and a not so well organized gang of debutants. The problem with the freshmen happens to be that, they are disinclined to everything good  and moreover, when reminded of their problematic virtue, they tend to resort to silly mud slinging.

I personally ain't against the addition of new movies (irrespective of how bad they are), but the current administration does have quite a few good reasons to justify the continuity of their dictatorship regime.

1) They keep the interests of the citizens in mind and act cordially.

2) They are open to special requests and in certain cases do fulfill them.

3) The bandwidth ain't wide enough to accommodate two regimes simultaneously.

So on this note, let us all scream aloud "Long live the present DC regime".

p.s:- The implication of the above phrase may be good for us, but what it means for them is that they should stay in the college for a long time (which hopefully ain't their aim).

If poetry was all about rhyming
this is what we would be getting

"A non-Poetic Poetic Massacre"

itz boring
and the irregular power ain't helping
which keeps the wi-fi stuttering
and me cursing

itz boring
and i lie here waiting
for my friends who ain't responding
but i can't go on blaming
for i am now realizing
that GTalk ain't perfectly working

i can thus go on writing
but fortunately it ain't to my liking
so go away smiling
before a change of mind comes calling

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Oh NO, i've lost my Humility

I can't quite comprehend why people consider education necessary. As far as i am concerned, the only advantage you can get from learning how to read, is the ability to read my blog. Fortunately for you people, you needn't be rocket scientists to understand it. Having said that, i do have serious doubts regarding your comprehension skills for i rarely get back any comments.

Don't even think of saying that my posts don't deserve any, for i am quite sure that these are the most meaningful pieces of **** you have read since kindergarten (assuming that you learned how to read, in kindergarten). Anyway, you should be counting your lucky stars for getting an opportunity to read this post, for such opportunities are classified under the category of "Endangered species".

This post by the way happens to be the brain-child of a brain having no ideas on which to write about. So in case, your brain ( i seriously doubt it's existence though) has any ideas, do feel free to convey them to me so that i can make their meaning less lives a bit more.............................................meaning less (humility's back baby!!).

Looks like i can't tread this path for long. So, so long my friends, see you on the other side of this bridge (which btw tries to separate those with humility from those who don't).

Monday, December 3, 2007

Not a Fair Draw

For all of you Manchester United fans out there, this doesn't refer to your club's third round away draw against Aston Villa in the FA cup. This in in reference to the even more lopsided UEFA draw concerning the EURO. Disagree with me?, then what kind of groups are these.....

Group A:-

Switzerland, Turkey, Portugal and the Czechs

If everything goes according to the script, Portugal and Czechs should ease into the next round with Portugal topping the group. Czechs have always been the dark horses in such tournaments but they have rarely justified their billing.

Group B:-

Austria, Poland, Croatia  and the Germans

The Germans should really be thankful for whomever they pray, for getting such an easy draw. Their draw looks as if the organizers gave in to the demands of a football following Hitler. Croatia may sneak in to the next round from this group.

The above groups are quite clearly the easy ones designed to accommodate the host nations.

Group C :-

Romania, Holland, France and Italy

May be Mussolini couldn't intimidate the organizers enough for this group is quite clearly the "Group Of Death". Romania should consider themselves unlucky for getting such a draw after having played out of their Black sea drenched skins to top their qualifying group.

Holland will once again come a cropper in the tournament and will crash out behind the French and the Azurri.

Group D:-

Russia, Sweden, Greece and Spain

The defending champs will again have to get into their giant killing shoes if they are to even progress into the next round for they don't exude confidence expected from defending champions. They are kinda like India and 20-20.

Come June 08 and we will be spectators to some weird results especially in connection with the hosts. Football has a long standing tradition of home nations going berserk in big tournaments and this may well turn out to be just a family tradition.