Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Sports and a Clarification

The dreaded day has finally arrived with Ole Gunnar Solskjaer deciding to let his frustration get better of him. This will draw the curtains on an illustrious career which in it's pinnacle gave the role of a substitute a whole new meaning.  His persistent alliance with injuries kept unleashing emotional havoc both within him and his numerous fans alike, towards the end of his career (could my elucidation stoop any further ?).

In case you haven't understood anything thus far, then you better start watching some football ! There is more to sports than just cricket, people (people here happens to be substituting Indians, of course).

The next person i am going to talk about is a tennis player whom, i know most of you people wouldn't know about. He happens to go by the name of John Isner, he is an American and has recently created a record for serving the most number of aces in a non-grand slam tournament (i haven't verified the authenticity of that record).He has already knocked out a seed in the opening round of the US open (which by the way wasn't the erstwhile Safin), his rise to fame has been meteoric and as a matter of fact dwarfs the achievements of Hamilton whose rise to fame can be solely attributed to the technology at his disposal.

Before i sign out, i would like to clarify that my posts are designed to be humorous and are not a manifestation of my frustrations as some of you believe. Maybe the fact that i don't use smileys has something to do with it but then using smileys would only de-value the seriousness of my comic ventures.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

what i've done ??

In case you are a "proud" owner of an Ipod, then try to do the following. Firstly, select the settings option present in the main menu and then scroll down to set the shuffle option to off. Having done this, go back to the main menu and select shuffle songs.

If everything goes right, then something should be wrong with your ipod by now. I have tried this twice and on both occasions the device got stuck. I couldn't even switch it off !!

On the first occasion, i believed that my beloved had passed away but after waiting patiently for a whole day (during the course of which it was thrown about in frustration many a time) it finally got switched off. It had no other option actually, it had run out of charge.

Once it switches off, the battle is won because it starts to function properly after charging it. So before you try to do something stupid with your ipod, make sure that it has less back-up power.

The moral of the story happens to be that the best remedy for any electronic malfunction would be to restart the device. Too bad that the ipod doesn't provide us with this luxury because even the power off button ceases to function in such sticky situations.


The title refers to my unwarranted foray into the technical world. I personally think that it would be better for my blog if i continue to stay away from such sticky situations [:)]

Monday, August 27, 2007

Cheap Shots

May be i should begin by apologizing for posting only two posts in the week gone by. I am, as a matter of fact quite prepared for that, with a bunch of excuses eagerly waiting to justify the slackness exhibited by me. First of all, the past week saw the beginning of the Natwest series, then there was a problem with LAN and more importantly many of my friends opined that i didn't have to update my blog so very often.

They even went on to point a finger (or rather criticized) at my tendency to express myself more through my writings than actual verbal conversations. So as a response to their feed-back, i have decided to point one (finger) back at them, but not the index to begin (shades of Slim Shady).

Shahrukh declared quite proudly in his movie that " woh kya hain, hamare hockey mein chakke nahin hote" , then what was he doing there in the first place. I would have dis-agreed with his satire on cricket except for the fact that there have been many a instance in recent times which show the questionable attitude of cricketers.

Top on my hit-list would be Jack Kallis who declared that he was contemplating his future with the South African cricket and that he had other offers waiting on the table. Doesn't playing for your country mean anything to you ? If all that you care about is money, then why don't you get yourself enrolled in your country's infamous club of criminals. I am sure that you will earn much more than you do at present, but the only thing is that you would have to improve your running between the wickets.

No wonder the New-Zealand cricket board wants the ICC to recognize ICL, so that they don't lose their star players (who also happen to be money gobbling whores). Now that i have delivered my fair share of cheap shots, let me share with you some of the cheap shots taken by others.

Top on this list have to be the terrorists who have taken yet another shot at claiming the lives of the not so innocent people. What's even cheaper is the way in which they execute these cheap missions. They planted 21 bombs of which only 2 exploded !! Taking into account their efficiency,it looks like they have done their graduation in electronics from my college.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Is night life worth livin' ?

We at present have deteriorated to a situation where we make Global warming the culprit from every untoward change in the climate conditions. It may be true or may be a false allegation or may be i should just shut up and get on with my job.

Let us for the moment assume that all the vagaries of climate are caused due to Global warming. Having assumed thus, it is now safe to say that it classifies as yet another misadventure embarked upon by our race. The first of these misadventures happened to take place when the early-man learned to live a more civilized life. The problem with being civilized is that we continue to manipulate our surroundings until we forget the feeling of being uncomfortable.

Anyone who's come across Charles Darwin in their secondary schools, know very well that evolution occurs only when a particular species doesn't feel comfortable in it's surroundings. So what we have actually done all these years is that we have prevented our evolution. Is it good or bad ? (I don't know man, i like the way i am)

So what does evolution have to do with Global warming ? It's just that we were so hell-bent in preserving our physical assets (no wonder we have beauty parlors all around) that we used all our mental abilities to invent everything we have today in a hurry. During this process, we also happened to let a lot of pollutants into the air (which is not our problem). The sad part now happens to be that we are fast running out of resources which act as our sources of pollution. (It is really an irony, that we are fighting to save something which will eventually kill us).

The simplest way to conserve our fuels would be by eliminating night life. Why can't you work in the day when you get sunlight for free , why waste electricity by staying up late into the night , why do big cities take bigger pride in their active night life. Is doing work in the night really necessary ?As far as i am concerned, the only work which has ever been done successfully at night is the process which leads to reproduction (even this is done with the lights off !!!).

So see to it that you don't stay up late in to the night unless you happen to be involved in a work which involves no usage of electricity [:)].

and one more thing for all the college going suckers....staying up late ain't cool, sleeping early ain't a crime, night-life is a truck load of shit (which by the way can be used as manure).


The above views were expressed by an under-graduate in the engineering stream. So there is no reason for you to abandon your beliefs and concur with the ideas expressed.

Monday, August 20, 2007

Could you suggest one ?

The other day happened to be my birthday and it turned out to be eventful, for a change. To start with some of my not so public parts were given quite a beating, but the bigger pain in the arse was washing off the cake which sort of refused to let go of me. The aftermath of my hour long struggle for freedom against the aforementioned foe in chilly waters late in the night was that i felt not so healthy after waking up the following morning.

It didn't matter that much though as i rushed home to catch up with the latest gossips floating around in the world of electronic media. Even though i follow things other than sports, i would like to restrict myself to sports for the moment. Top on my agenda would be to lambast Nani who spent all his energy in fooling Sir Alex that he seems to have nothing left to show on the field. He is certainly a bigger flop than Shevchenko was with Chelsea last season.

Speaking of Sir Alex's naivety, his team lacks the willingness to work hard ala Mourinho's Chelsea (who were unjustifiably fortunate in securing a draw against a refreshingly entertaining Liverpool). I could go on forever but i guess the time's ripe to strip off my punditorial (made the word right now,derivative of pundit) behaviour.

On the day preceeding my b'day, i happened to watch Bourne Ultimatum (twice in fact) which, notwithstanding the rave reviews it has been receiving is bound to entertain only the Bourne faithful. To sum it up, it's just a typical Bourne movie (which makes it all the more enjoyable actually).

The best news i have heard so far this season happens to be the induction of Lance Klusener (my all-time favorite) into the clan of ICL which by the way will enable me to catch him live (on Tv atleast).

Send in suggestions befitting the title.

Friday, August 17, 2007

Thou Shalt be criticised, execise Caution

The first two papers that i faced were so easy that i felt like a batsman dismissed without having faced a ball on a belter of a pitch. I don't know what the death-eaters had in mind whilst preparing the question papers.

Hold on my dear "friends", you needn't cast your green eye upon me, for i have only managed to churn out yet another insipid performance at the examinations (which i am sure would make you selfish buggers happy). By the way, i had always had this tendency to term papers damn easy even though i could score only 50% in them.

Come on my dear friends, you and i know very well that the only way to proceed forward is by trampling others. So please don't even bother to bring up this topic when you meet me the next time and more-over, never try to justify your selfish actions because they would only make you look even more Scroogy.This ain't a personal crusade, i am just writing this to fill up some of the lines of my usually light-hearted blog.

I am sure that this blog won't go down well, because you happen to be filled to the brim with arrogance, to swallow this bitter pill. The thing which really irritates me is your lack of courage to tell the truth. Why will i give a shit to how you perform, so why not tell the truth!!!!!

I know that you don't deserve this criticism, but what to do,this happens to be the theme of this blog. Exploring these sort of negative thoughts is bound to expand the horizon of my blog. Don't even begin to think that i am in a foul temper, as a matter of fact i am over-joyed at my new found ability of making others feel dumb ( and myself dumber). If you happen to think that i am lying, then i guess that's just a reflection of your cockiness.

Never ever think that you can read the other guy's feelings because you are, after all just a mortal stuck in a world filled with hypocrites. I would have liked to make this one a bit more humorous, but then it would have stolen the sting of my verbal volleys.


Three cheers people, i meant no offense whatever, for i live a wonderful life in a wonderful world filled with wonders like you (don't even begin to think that i meant it)

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Misfiring Manchester

The season is only two rounds old but the start made by Manchester United indicates that they are back to their days of unpredictability unlike a Chelsea or Arsenal who are quite predictably boring. Liverpool on the other hand seem to be a mixed breed. They are unpredictable but predictably boring.

The bigger problem though seems to be the suspension of Ronaldo for the next three matches. He is such a talent that he can't be replaced by anyone in the squad of Man Utd unlike Rooney (who is btw out for 2 months) who can be replaced by dime a dozen players. As far as i am concerned, Rooney ain't such a great player as the English press makes him out to be. He may be the best English striker but he is way behind the strikers from the rest of the world.

Lately my mail box is being littered with so many "lottery winner" mails that if they were true, i would have had enough money to buy the Man Utd club from the Glazers. The first thing which i would do then would be to buy Alexandre Pato from Ac Milan and then fire Sir Alex for stagnating the club with his seemingly end-less presence.


Matches of Chelsea and Arsenal aren't so boring, it's just that i don't support either of them.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Nothin Official

As you might know, i had earlier bragged about how my college had made an offer which even Mr.APJ couldn't refuse. It turned out that he was obliged to attend the function only because he has got himslf enrolled as a distinguished faculty member. As a matter of fact, the flag was hoisted much before his arrival. Had he come any earlier, he would have been treated to the visual of awkwardness personified which kinda epitomizes the capabilities of our physical training staff. By the way, the flag was hoisted by our Director. (Don't you see, Mr.APJ is after all just a faculty member who is supposed to work under him).

His speech was so artificial that it looks like he has already inculcated the the official spirit of our teaching staff. It was quite evident that he was not acting natural,the moment a prepared speech was kept in front of him. The speech was supposed to be tailor-made for the IT industry but as it turned out even the witty comedic additions by Mr.Kalam couldn't rescue the script.

He also said that a ignited mind is the greatest resource one can find either above or below or on the earth's surface.

Well, i will have to end now since i have exams from tomorrow and writing a lengthy blog wouldn't justify their presence.


I don’t know why people tend to think that i ‘was’ studious during my school days. Maybe the fact that i got decent marks most of the time , has something to do with it. As far as i am concerned, me getting 95% in the board was just a paradox. Marks aside, nothing has changed in the way i look at studies or the way in which studies look at me.

Monday, August 13, 2007

The case of the missing grammar

As soon as i glanced at the Times today, i had a big smile on my face because of the quotation which read "Nothing worth learning, can be taught", so why bother to attend classes in the first place.

Quite recently, i was asked to confirm (by an unknown person) whether i was "the dosa guy" back in my school days.To put things in perspective, i don't eat break-fast anymore mainly because it eats into 15 minutes of my sleep (looks like my grammar has gone shopping).Coming back to dosa, i do remember my awkward style of eating it, which involved a full fledged dosa  being gulped in a single go accompanied by water.Whats even more distasteful (in my case) is that the  afore mentioned person claimed that he remembers me only because of that!!.

I am afraid that i have some bad news for... myself. My first encounter with the CAT didn't go all too well today as i was left scratching my head more often than not mainly because of the ambiguous questions. Let me simulate one such situation.

1) State whether the following statements are facts or judgements?

a) Safin is the idealistic idol.

b)Bollywood lacks brains.

c)My blogs are entertaining.

As far as i am concerned, all of them would be facts[:)] which might not be the case(sadly) with you.

The things which were not fashionable but became so because of a charismatic performer :-

a) Eating like a swine ( Brad Pitt in the Ocean series)

b)Crying (Federer)

c)Double-crossing (Pirates)
d)Cutting everything short [:)] ( like this list)

In the present century, one of the most mysterious trends has been the relationship between the female skirt length and her economic condition.

Saturday, August 11, 2007

Authorised Personal (well...some of it)

In case you haven't noticed it is Personal ( not personnel !!), anyway don't fret coz it makes no difference. Speaking of spellings, we (with me being an exception of course) tend to fumble up a lot of them, like for example ,the other day i happened to notice a friend of mine greet the other one "many happy writtens of the day" (i don't think that was intentional).

Looks like Mr.Abdul Kalam is going to come to our college on Independence day.Frankly speaking, we made an offer which he couldn't resist, which was hoisting the Indian flag on Independence day. What's even better is that he is going to take lectures for a week every year here. Oh oh, i even forgot to introduce Mr.Kalam, he happens to be the former President of India who was dumped unceremoniously for refusing to be a rubber-stamp. What's more shameful is that he was succeeded by a scum bag who happens to have come loaded with a bagful of scams.

This was supposed to be personal right, but thus far it hasn't been. Maybe i should have saved the title for another day [:)]. The other day when my friend asked me what i do usually the whole day , i wasn't even able to give an answer. May be i should hire a chartered accountant to help me in keeping an account on how i spend my time.

May be i should keep a tab on my life by not opening too much tabs while i browse the net ( does the last one make the cut as a phatta?, waiting for your comments)

Movies not worth watching this week-end:-

Next,Vacancy,Captivity,Perfect Stranger,Hannibal Rising

Thursday, August 9, 2007

Sectarian Violence Rages on

As you must be aware, the conflicts between the Sunnis and the Shias continue to burn unabated, fueled on by the bloods of the Iraqis but the good news happens to be that we are not here to discuss that. For all of those interested in Iraqi politics, this is where you should take your leave.

I would like to introduce to you a certain "Shia Labeouf" who i didn't know even existed until about ten days back. So in order to make amends, i have watched three of his movies over the past two days namely "Transformers", "Disturbia" and "Constantine".I had in fact watched Constantine for the second time(which is quite an achievement considering the movie reviews which went something like "Constantine didn't want to go to hell, so he sent the audience instead") only to notice the presence of this guy.

The last week also saw the release of the third installment of the Bourne saga. As a matter of fact, it has opened to the highest box office collections ever, for a movie released in august (fact brought to you by wikipedia). I have always been a fan of the Bourne series mainly because they seem realistic excluding the fact that the lead character changes countries more often than his clothes.

Tuesday, August 7, 2007

Vulgarity inc (censored version)

The other day i happened to receive a mail from the PG students which went as " We too have feelings, and if you (i.e UG) don't stop taunting us, appropriate action will be taken". Wow, they too have feelings !, that was news to me, i always thought that they were dumb, to join here to do their post-graduation. I guess that my chances of being a mascot of my college have gone up in smoke with that statement.

Looks like the quality of my blogs (as far as i am concerned) is coming tumbling down much like the form of erstwhile Marat Safin (amazing that i have never mentioned him till now). So i have decided to incorporate some vulgar/humorous statements made by someone else to stem the downfall of my blog albeit temporarily.

1) The three greatest tragedies of my life- life sucks, job sucks but wife doesn't.

2) I was so stunned at looking the prices, that my balls inter changed their positions.

3) If you work hard, you will rise as fast as a twelve year old's dick (stole it from myself).

Too bad that i have managed to cut, copy, paste only three of them .

Now that my blog is bound to receive some attention, let me move on to some U/A topics. First of all, no one has shown that he has the guts ( or rather balls (in A-version)) to criticise my blogs. So i have decided to do it myself

1) It ain't crispy.

2) I tend to explain everything (like a spoon-feading school teacher).

3) I play to the gallery all too often.

4)My writings are self-conscious.

5) I have inculcated vulgar to stem the rot, much like the Bollywood movies which believe "only Sharukh and Sex sell".

Speaking of criticism,they say that the worst criticism any literary work can get is "it is full of cliches". Not surprisingly, i was a recipient of this tag in my ninth standard itself (does that make me a child prodigy ?)

I am sure that the uncensored version of this blog would have come as a nasty surprise to you all , so i have decided to give you time until the next week to digest it.

pss...:- It(the original one) ain't as vulgar as i make it out to be (isn't it?)

Monday, August 6, 2007

Know Title

I am getting an eerie feeling that this blog is going to be like a desi soap (short way of saying that it has no plot and is going to be painfully lengthy) maybe i should think of a title that begins with a K. It is not my fault that i don't have a single topic to write about, the blame more or less lies on .........(you should know by now) for disabling my ability of concentration. I know that i have reiterated this point n (n>11) number of times but the fact remains that the achievements of "you know who" cannot be under-mined and more importantly (as in my case) can't be stressed enough.

To save myself from the ignominy of using the "you know who" phrase all too often, i am going to refer to them as death-eaters (shamelessly adopted from the adventures of Harry Potter). The other day , it so happened that a death-eater kept glancing at the watch every five minutes. I being an optimist thought that he was inculcating some human feelings of boredom , but to my surprise it turned out that he was waiting for the right moment to conduct a quiz.

The problem with having good ring-tones is that you allow your cell phone to ring and ring and ring until the caller decides to cut the crap. Too bad he doesn't realise the immense enjoyment we derive in his moments of agony.

The good thing about being born in a middle class family is that you get to experience both sides of our economy.

The examples which i had stated earlier were not so clever, so i was forced to cut them out in this edited version.I realise that if i go on further, it might be as dumb as a dead guy coming back alive to say his own version of what had happened.

Van the man for Man Utd (only sports here)

If you happen to be sleeping for the past two years, then there is every chance that you might think that i am referring to Van Nistelrooy but time moves on and so do football players.

The player in question happens to be Edwin Van Der Sar who helped Manchester United win the season opening community shield (by saving a hat-trick of unimaginative penalty kicks)which is played between the team which wins the EPL and the team which wins the FA cup. I don't have the patience to write about what happens if the same team wins both the trophies( try to google it :) ). In any case , i am assuming that you don't know anything about the beautiful game.

Moving on , Hamilton won his third race of the season in Hungary mainly because of the over-zeal exhibited by Alonso in the qualifying session which saw him penalised . The race was completely uneventful,so much so that Massa who started on 14 ended up at 13. The reason why he started at 14 was because his team had forgotten to re-fuel his car (talk about man made disasters).

Last and the least, Kent won their first ever twenty-20 cup by beating a team which rallied about on the shoulders of a traitor( namely Hamish Marshall). It seems that being a traitor is the best that can happen to a cricketer these days.

Thursday, August 2, 2007

Do soundtracks make sound movies??

I wake up every thursday accompanied by a foul temper and today was no exception.  It's not that i have some type of a grudge against this day, it's just that we have a EC lab where we are supposed to give a demo of our  "fully functional circuit". Let alone the demo, i usually don't even have the demo version of the design.

Do soundtracks have a bearing on the final outcome of a film ? . I happen to be speaking not about the ones which commemorate your departure from the theatre but those which bind your senses during the course of a movie. I felt like discussing this because ,just the other day i happened to watch a movie which had a fantastic background score but sadly had nothing more.

The movie in question happens to be "Requiem for a dream" which deals (or rather tries to) with various types of addictions mainly relating to drugs. I don't know why but i happen to like such movies(Traffic in particular). Where this movie lost out was, in it's depiction of sexual abuse which was completely unnecessary.

Interestingly,all movies of Quentin Tarantino manage to pack quite a punch when it comes to the musical department. I don't mean to imply that we need music to pack a punch, an example being The Pianist which literally thunders through it's not so loud descriptions.

Before i go, i would like to inform you that i have been asked to tame my enthusiasm towards blogging ( now , that makes me wonder)

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

An overseas win

So then, India has won yet again an overseas test to go 1 up in the series, which is amusingly dis-heartening considering the previous outcomes of the occurence of such events (i happen to be reading probability). Having said that, i am pretty sure that India will win the series mainly because of the insipid English middle-order which leaves us guessing about its whereabouts most of the time.

Unfortunately , the man of the moment Zaheer Khan chose the wrong moment to become a brand ambassador for jelly-beans by "confessing" that they fueled his fiery performance. Seriously speaking, doesn't playing for the nation give one all the required motivation .

I have received information through some non-reliable sources that CAT takes into account one's prior academic performances. Now, that is bound to motivate me(hopefully) to perform better in my exams albeit from the next sem because the present sem is simply and embarrassingly a tough one to comprehend.

I would like to log out by sharing with you some of my "poetry".

this poem ain't mine
for i have had no wine
to accept this swine
as a creation of my mind

this place is not
to which i belong
all it does
is make me freedom long

bound by a treaty
i unwillingly do my duty
which ain't a beauty

wish i had a bounty
on my head
to rescue me from this place
complete with stupidity