The Se7en Sins -> Reloaded, uploaded and ready to be dissected

The Pope hasn't yet featured in this blog. So i guess i owe the hypocrites one for their leader. Don't you think that the Vatican doubles up as a haven for a bunch of hypocrites?

Well, not all might agree with that but as far as the virtual world goes, there is no doubting that the Blogosphere is the safest haven for real life hypocrites ( Don't cringe mate, i ain't referring to you).

So coming back to the Pope, i happen to be more interested in his place of residence than in his "majesty". The thing about his P.O.R* is that recently a list of an additional seven new sins came out from there. In case you missed the movie Se7en *ing Brad Pitt, the existing list was something like this:-

a) Pride

a.k.a ego is what everyone's actually entitled to but some people bitten by hypocrisy refuse to acknowledge.

b) Envy

Common Name- Jealousy

Widespread among students

c) Gluttony

Holidays aren't the right time to be discussing this.

d) Lust

what's wrong with a healthy sexual appetite?? (oops)

e) Anger

It's better to explode than to implode !!

f) Greed

Well, greedy students get more marks

g) Sloth

The fact that laziness was even considered shows how much the people of the world are obsessed with the never ending urge to work.

The list has been somewhat extended and now also includes:-

1. "Bioethical" violations such as birth control

2. "Morally dubious" experiments such as stem cell research

3. Drug abuse

4. Polluting the environment

5. Contributing to widening divide between rich and poor

6. Excessive wealth

7. Creating poverty

The decision to include 1,2,3, and 6 isn't exactly ethical since they abuse an individual's moral right to do whatever he or she deems is best for him/her.
Here's another list for you:-

1. Watching movies via illegal downloads instead of going to a theater

2. Making a B-grade movie with A-list actors

3. Including a dog in every ad that you come up with

4. Giving the last over to a spinner in a crunch situation

5. Advocating terrible singers like Himesh

6. Reading blogs instead of writing

7. Blaming yourself for your downfalls

p.s:- I might explain the above 7 sins in a much more detailed manner in the next post. Could have done that right now, but my beloved Bangalore team's heading onto the field and i don't want to miss their game irrespective of how much they suck.

(maybe AB could have held on to that last ball catch)

Farcical Football Fracas

All that i know regarding which team i support is that it ain't Arsenal. I had no questions over my loyalty couple of seasons ago when Solskjaer and Beckham were part of Manchester United. Their departure coinciding with the arrival of Xabi Alonso meant that i began watching more of Liverpool and less of Manchester United. With the arrival of Ballack, Chelsea too ceased to be a bitter foe.

So right now i am only averse to Arsenal and am very much a neutral when the other three tee off against each other. However if you were to force me into a tight situation i would go with Manchester United.

Post Match Talk/slang:-

"Li-ver-pool Li-ver-pool, kicking arse was never so cool"-> Rafa, after the trilogy against Arsenal

"There's no denying that all that we managed to do this season was to get our arse gunned down. Having said that, it was all down to us. The opposition had no part to play in it"-> Arsene Wenger in reply

"Manchester United were kicked in the Ballacks today" -> John Terry after their 2-1 win over the red devils

"I don't give a shit as to who our opposition will be"-> Sir Alex after reaching the Champions league final.

He was sighted pissing in his pants the next day when Chelsea came through.

Disclaimer:- You can't just go on writing about football without using slang. Well, actually you can but that wouldn't do justice to the standards set by the professional players.

My all time favorite football players:-

1) Ole Gunnar Solskjaer (have trouble spelling his name correctly though)

2) Xabi Alonso (give him more free kicks!!!)

3) David Beckham (irrespective of what you might say)

4) Michael Ballack (Chelsea ain't the team to be playing in)

5) Bojan Kirkic (won't support Barca though, no way)

p.s:- The order ain't random.

p.s:- You wouldn't be the first to discover that this post is utter rubbish. I beat you to that :)

Chi Chi Chelsea

aaah crap, Chelsea won both the matches

p.s 1:-Judging by recent performances, Chelsea appear to have an edge over Man U and yesterday's victory over Liverpool will only add another edge to that edge.

p.s 2:- Avram Grant may well end up with a dubious distinction of being a manager to get fired irrespective of winning both the Champions league and the Premiership.

p.s 3:-Why can't Lampard score from penalties for England like he does for his beloved Chelsea?? A good way of preventing him from scoring a penalty might be to dangle an England shirt in front of him before he runs up to take a penalty.

p.s 4:- It was Ballack's penalty and he should have been given the opportunity to go for it. Another reason for Ballack to leave the club, i suppose.

p.s 5:- I was hoping that Liverpool could do a Bayern Munich, but sadly Xabi Alonso let Chelsea off the hook with that horrendous effort right after Cech had given them some hope. Had he put in a decent ball pandemonium would have ensued which could have led to that all important third goal. That would have not only kept Chelsea's unbeaten run at home intact but would also have sent Liverpool through to the final.

p.s 6:- In case you don't know, Bayern Munich had come from being 3-1 down at the end of the 1st ET to draw the away match at 3-3 and to level the tie at 4-4 to advance on away goals in the quarter finals in the UEFA cup.

p.s 7:- The identity of the opposition in that game is immaterial since no one remembers losers but the biggest loser of them all Abbandonzieri, deserves a mention for discovering a new low in goal keeping standards during the last 5 minutes of that tie.

p.s 8:- I ain't gonna make any predictions regarding the premiership and the UCL winners because all that i am sure of is of Avram Grant getting fired.

p.s 9:- Writing a post with the use of multiple p.s is such a pleasure.

p.s 10:- Have you downloaded Coldplay's latest single yet ?? or am i the only Coldplay sucker going around

p.s 11:- More on Coldplay later

p.s 12:- I ain't a gay

p.s 13:-All the Coldplay listeners were branded as gays in the movie, "40 year old virgin"

p.s 14:- Chelsea won, chi chi chi

p.s 15:- For non-telugu readers, "chi" is a word used to express mild disgust

Champions League

The latest midweek midnight offerings of the champions league were all about mistakes and the biggest of them all was the presence of three premier league teams in the semi-finals. The premier league teams are surely the strongest in the world but considering the fact that their national team is the weakest, it is but a mistake that they be so dominating.

Premier League is supposedly the best league in the world and Manchester United is undeniably the best team in this league. So  what the heck was yesterday's match all about ?

Considering the form of Barcelona, Manchester United should have quite easily won the match or at the least , should have dominated the proceedings. But what conspired was that they were not only reduced to counter attacking but were also forced to suffice with a meagre 35% ball possession. Add to that Ronaldo's penalty miss and what we get is a clear picture of Chokers.

Stats have it that Man Utd have been to the semifinals 9 times (prior to this year)  but all that they have managed to do is to go down 7 of those times. So maybe yesterday's performance wasn't surprising after all.

Liverpool seem to be the only English team capable of rising to the occasion but they too have faltered (albeit temporarily) this time around. Riise surely rose to the occasion (but for the wrong team) and saw to it that the second leg wouldn't be a drab 0-0 draw, which would surely have been the case had Liverpool won 1-0.

Chelsea were once again lackluster all around except for maybe Michael Ballack who showed that he doesn't belong in that unimaginative team cumulated courtesy Russian currency. Chelsea surely don't deserve to win any silverware this season and i hope Liverpool and Man United do exactly that over the week.

Based on these two matches, Liverpool deserve to win the champios league.

Manchester United, on the other hand can end the season with just the premier league title.

Chelsea can happily get rid off Avram Grant citing a feasible reason.

Barcelona and Arsenal can continue playing their fancy football albeit unsuccessfully.

p.s:- IPL match between Mumbai and Chennai was much better than all this disappointing football.

Monkey Chronicles *ing Dud(e)

"Leading a life governed only by the schedule of programs on TV" is what i am doing right now and thankfully, i ain't enjoying it.

Had i been enjoying it, i would have simply been a disgrace to myself. Having said that, just because not liking what you do doesn't let you escape from the fact that you are doing it in the first place. So, that implies that i still am a disgrace to myself.  (How can one be a disgrace to self ??!!!. I currently have no idea, i shall make it a point to bring it up the day i come to know)

Some random online dictionary describes vacation as:-

1: a respite or a time of respite from something

2: a period of exemption from work granted to an employee

3: a period spent away from home or business in travel or recreation

It is high time that some of these terms are re-defined for sloths who keep slouching all over the world these days.

Let's analyze the discrepancies of the above definition when applied to sloths a.k.a couch potatoes a.k.a douche bags a.k.a bloggers a.k.a programmers ( the last two entries may not be ideal but nevertheless, they are worth a mention).

Analysis of the above defns:-

Definition 1:- A sloth only knows how to not do anything and vacations certainly don't provide respite from that activity. If anything, they further feed the sloth's appetite for inactivity.

Definition 2:- A sloth does no work and is moreover not an employee. He is the Boss and he hardly needs any exemption from work!!

Definition 3:- A sloth never steps out of his home during vacation. So this "period" is purely fictional.

There we go, all that rubbish nonsense effectively rules out the application of that definition to a sloth. Come to think of it, I don't know why i am speaking about sloths right now especially when i have got so much to do.

Dude:- hey sloth, wassup??

Dud:- Now, why would you call me something like that. Have you been reading my blog?

Dude:- Shut up douche bag.  How dare you associate me with something as disgraceful as blogging?

Dud:- your choice of words is very singular, i must admit

Dude:- if you mean as opposed to plural, then yes it is.

Dud:- Now where did "plural" come from?$@@#@#! oh, never mind. Anyway, the one feeling which i get each each time a vacation's done is "where have all the days gone?"

Dude :- maybe you should begin your search by looking up your a** first. Too bad, it isn't as easy as Google search.

Dud:- What the heck? That was a sincere Query

Dude:- So here's a sincere Return. Stop thinking of "what was", just think about what is and what is to be

Dud:- Look who's talking. It's none other than the monkey who sold his ferrari

Dude:- LOL , up yours mate

IPL Talkies- Take 2

"Each team can field only up to four overseas players". That restriction may not be so restricting for teams like Mumbai but when it comes to Bangalore, it is indeed a mighty selection head ache.

For Delhi:- They went in to their first match with McGrath, Vettori, Geeves and Maharoof. Their squad also comprises of Shoaib Malik, Mohd Asif, Dilshan and AB de Villiers. Based on their opening match performance, common sense would suggest that they replace Vettori and Geeves with Malik and Asif. This would leave them not only with a slightly under strength batting line up but would also leave AB on the bench :( .

For Bangalore:- They arguably have the toughest decisions to make. With the overseas squad comprising of Boucher, Kallis, Misbah, Cameron White, Chanderpaul, Steyn, Ross Taylor (and couple of other players), they are sure to have a whale of a time in picking their final XI.
I would want atleast 6 of those in my team at any point of time but.... that's not what's gonna happen. So my 4 would be Boucher, Misbah, Chanderpaul and a rotation policy b/w Taylor and Steyn.

As far as the other teams go, i have no issues about them.

IPL Talkies - Day 1

Disclaimer:- It has been a long time since i've written a post and this one as a result is a bit rusty, but it surely takes the monkey off my back :)

Bangalore Royal Challengers, in reality, shouldn't be as tame as they were forced to look yesterday. They, in fact form a decent test outfit and possess the capabilities to turn the tables against any opposition (even in this format), provided the pitch assists bowling. The best way to bounce back would be to take advantage of their technical prowess, and what better way to do it than to play their home matches on seamer friendly tracks. This would not only give give Dale Steyn and company an opportunity to knock off the visitors for paltry totals but also Dravid and company some time to settle in.

These matches may then be termed as "non entertaining", but one really shouldn't mind as long as the home team keeps winning. If they continue to play their matches on such feather beds, things can only get worse (at least until Misbah and Chanderpaul join the team). The other factor which might hurt them is their stadium. The absence of big hitters amongst their ranks will prevent them from utilizing the short boundaries where as their opposition will have every opportunity to do otherwise.

Coming to the Kolkata Knight Riders, SRK should seriously consider changing his team's attire (which is anything but pleasant at the moment). They are at present, one of the three favorites to win the trophy (Hyderabad and Chennai being the other two). I personally want Delhi to do well as they have AB de Villiers in their team but having said that, one can only wonder about the number of matches he is gonna get to play because of the limit on the number of overseas players in the playing XI.

Brendon McCullum, as usual, excelled in the presence of short boundaries and keeping that in mind, he should consider moving away from Kolkata at the end of the season (as they play their home matches at Eden gardens which is.... not the smallest of stadiums) .

The non stop flow of ads (even in between the overs) is one reason why i have come to prefer football over cricket. So tonight, its gonna be BPL, not IPL (on my TV).