Comfortably Dumb

Accidental Happenings

2009-06-07T11:48:00.000-07:00

Going through a newspaper in the morning, you are bound to come across some sort of accident coverage and, what's the chance of the accident involving people travelling on a religious cause? Pretty high, I would say. Not that I'm hinting at anything but it's quite astonishing.

There they are, a large family unit, happily rattling along with either their sins washed away or due to be washed away in a few hours time when all of a sudden, wham! the driver runs into the back of a stationary truck* or makes the vehicle jump off a cliff.

One simple rational explanation to this unfortunate development might quite easily be that people undertake long distance travels by road only when they have an appointment with the God. Pretty neat explanation, isn't it? Unless of course you happen to be a conspiracy buff who would bring in the supernatural element even before you can exclaim 'WTF'.

Since we are already on the matter of newspapers, I would like to bring to your attention an incident of crime that was reported a week or so ago, which was reminiscent of a Quentin Tarantino/ Guy Ritchie style of film making. It allegedly went something like-

The bad guy wanted to shoot the poor innocent helpless guy in order to steal some money but he didn't want to wake the neighbours. Oh! how thoughtful, but too bad he hadn't thought as much before as he had no silencer to accessorise with his gun. However, being a quick thinker, the bad guy promptly reached out for a pillow and shot through it.

Now, imagine the bad guy's surprise when the bullet (not only failed to go in a complete circle and knock 6 brains out but) couldn't even pierce the pillow. The bullet which went in never came out and thereby the poor guy was robbed only of his money and not of his life.

Was that tragic or comedic or ironic ?

p.s:- Need help with commas, they are ruining the experience of writing.

Methods that Aren't

2009-05-09T03:59:00.000-07:00

What can an Institute do when it finds itself in the throes of economic distress. It can quite easily increase the fees and pass on the burden or, in a whole different plane of existence they can renounce all worldly possessions and continue to sit tight (pun intended).

So apart from the obvious what more can an Institute do gain some well-needed financial leverage. The following methods vary from the absurd to the true to the ones that are both

1) Every student giving a powerpoint presentation will be served an entertainment tax directly proportional to the duration of the presentation and the visual richness of the slides ranging from templates to images inserted and so on. A fixed base price is of course a must.

2) Why let all the vehicles into the campus without exacting any? Christen the entrance gate as a toll gate and make sure there aren't more than one entrances.

3) Maybe someone can look into the free unlimited web access and do something about it

4) When IPL comes to town next year, make sure to be there to collect your generous cheque

5) There's a TV show called Scrubs whose producers due to budget constraints decided to not include each protagonist in at least two of the season's episodes. Asking a couple of professors to take an unpaid leave every month might help. Of course, it is not implementable in colleges which have just the right number of professors.

6) Instead of having a single technical cum cultural fest, a college can have two. This way more entertainment tax can be imposed. Introducing tickets for the events might also help but that might be against the very principles of having a celebration.

7) If the college has a very well established sporting tradition with renowned trophy winning teams, sponsors for the teams' jerseys should be looked into. Football team, anyone ?

8) A college can always have a separate entrance exam and charge more than required. Getting a permission to do that might be difficult but proving that all students who come through the competitive exams aren't the right ones for upholding the ambitions of the institute might help. In fact, colleges aiming to turn their students into research scholars shouldn't participate with other run-of-the-mill degree offering and hand waving colleges.

9) Downsizing the staff might not be an option but cutting back on the number of air conditioners in a lab might help.

10) One can always go the EAMCET colleges way and put up some seats for auction.

11) A college can put up its hand and offer to train outsiders in various skills while completely turning a blind eye towards the qualms of the insiders regarding the intrusion.

12) With the sales of textbooks going down year by year due to e-books and students' apathy, it is high time a college gave away first hand books at a discount (sufficient enough to make profit both for the college and the seller).

13) A highly contentious but profitable move would be to introduce a contract where in the students when placed on campus must agree to donate some x% of their salary for their first year on the job. (Only implementable if the student goes on to take up the job acquired during the campus placements)

Time to conclude at lucky number 13. Have fun!

p.s:- With the organisers of Felicity '08 leaving, will blogging be of any essence ?

Possibly related post -> http://rauldegr8.wordpress.com/2008/08/26/rules-of-the-house-for-the-squatters-of-the-fifth-house-and-a-tag-line/

Weighty Issues

2009-04-24T09:53:00.000-07:00

The other day i stumbled upon an article in the Time magazine which aspired to guide one in the science of 'how not be hated by potential friends on Facebook'. (No, I'm not going to copy paste the article.)

One among the many of "Facebook etiquette rules" was->' Stop taking quizzes. Nobody cares what literary time period you are'. I personally log onto FB not to cuddle up to potential friends and flaunt my impeccable personality and leave an impression, but to see if any of my friends have taken any interesting quizzes.

Of course, there are the self-propagating all time favorite quizzes on ones favorites but who doesn't like to share their interests and favorites. When we do that, we don't give a damn to what the others might think !, it's just all about us. It's our way of feeding our ego (which BTW is being wrongly portrayed in a very narrow and negative way in most circles). We do take some really lame quizzes like "who's your celebrity GF" and "which rock song are you" but this behaviour is much better than, not taking them due of the fear of making a bad impression on possible suitors.

In short, it's better to "be yourself and act as a jerk" rather than "pretend to be a sensitive saint". [The phrase "be yourself" has been thrown around many times that I feel like it might have robbed the chastity of the declaration and turned it into a skanky filmy line.] (I do hope that you are smart enough to realise that taking those quizzes didn't make you a jerk, it was just an expression)

------------------------------>Change of Topic

I watched the palm d'or winning movie of last year "The Class" recently and was astonished at the way the student-teacher interactions were depicted. The movie shows 13 year olds refusing to do what the teacher says proclaiming "rights of expression" and "rights of freedom" and all that. I can't even begin to imagine that kind of free expressionism in our country. The students do cross the limits at times but that's not the point.

I reckon we have been corrupted ever since childhood into believing the restrictions posed on us are for our own good and that our tradition is the best in the whole wide world. There are two ways, i guess, of looking at our culture, those in favour may say it breeds discipline but the others might say it curbs our natural development.

A typical students' life in India (not related to the above discussion or anything):-

Thrown into school even before they know how to use the toilet. Parents then proudly exhibit their childrens' talent by forcing them to recite multiplication tables and English alphabet in front of the neighbours with the sole purpose of showing how smart their child is. Boys don't even get the remark of "you throw like a girl" from their fathers. All they get is "do your homework ". Then as they grow older, the coaching institutes come along and the parents are only too happy to find a place which provides for maximum jail time. Career defining exams come, unable to cope students go.

[ I've said all that as an adult watching today's school going children. Our generation was caught up amidst this towards the fag end but we might just have escaped.]

As someone said and my friend on Gtalk statused*-> The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.

P.S:- No matter what you write or do, how can IPL be not on your mind. Looking at AB, the customary " whom do girls ogle at" list for IPL came out and this was what was said about AB :-

If you like the choirboy type, AB is your baby. Incidentally he does sing, and while his debut single, "Show Them Who You Are", may not be the love song you were hoping for, it will work well enough to annoy your boyfriend no end. He looks like a dream and bats like a dream, so what if he doesn't sing like one, eh, ladies?

The others on the list were Vettori, Dravid, Mccullum, Gayle, Sangakkara, Duminy, Pujara, Lee, Steyn, Dhoni (http://content.cricinfo.com/iplpage2/content/story/398866.html)

Blogging with eyes on Twittering

2009-04-21T13:05:00.000-07:00

Blogging is out, Twittering is in. Funnily enough, the newspaper too said that.

IPL semifinalists:- Mumbai, Chennai, Delhi. Hyderabad in the early lead for fourth.

Did you know that rap stars release an album or two and go into producing, and help others in releasing their albums? I'm too kinda helping out others with their blog posts, instead of writing my own.

Must have IPL merchandise:- RCB's jersey of Dravid and Deccan Chargers' trendy Puma cap.

Sorry to disappoint by not writing anything.

Ferrari's struggling big time. My twitterings on the same:-

1) Brains in ferrari left with Brawn

2) What's Kallis doing in the playing XI and moreover, why's he slated to become the captain after KP leaves. Dumb as a Ferrari, it is

3) Super kings are wasting Albie!, looks like everyone's bought a Ferrari :(

4) 140 chars are way too short on space to roll out all the Ferraris from RCB's garage

Free net, Twitter & Football

2009-04-06T10:25:00.000-07:00

I go home, switch on the laptop and there comes a prompt saying "wireless networks are available". I had ignored this message many times before as on one occasion before all these ignorings**, I had tried my luck and not succeeded. This time, however, things turned out a bit different and i became a lucky douche* enjoying free wireless net at home.

Ok then, i've got the net but what to do with it ?, there's no DC to download stuff from. Hmm, there's at least unblocked youtube. Oh boy, this touchpad's gone cuckoo. Whenever i go to its edges, weird processes begin and the browser's ending up getting closed. Goddamn this chrome, it doesn't even warn when closing multiple tabs. Watching videos in this kind of environment ain't possible. So what next? time to check out some new sites or attend to previously unattended twitter account. Ha, twitter's quite fun, you can type-in what you would say to the person next to you while watching sports on Tv (when there's no one next to you). Reminds me of the Vodafone ads.

Previous night:-

Everyone in the house's gone to sleep. I'm all alone and no, i don't even have internet access. It's 80 minutes past kickoff time, Liverpool are yet to beat the crossbar/posts. I get up and go sit across the room hoping for a change in fortune. 90 minutes gone, no good. At least, Babel and Benayoun are on. Can't bear this misfortune sitting down, i stand up, 2 more mins pass, and Benayoun scores. Out comes a clenched fist and a bottle bounces off the furniture at the other end.

Next night:-

Man Utd's taking on Villa, i'm not alone and i'm not apprehensive. 2 mins into the extra time, surely no, they can't but they do! No clenched fist or bouncing bottles this time around.

--------------------------------------------------------------X----X-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

*-> I was feeling better before i saw the literal meaning of this word. Those unaware are advised to remain that way.

**-> word doesn't exist

Song of the day-> Knocked Up- Kings of Leon

I don't care what nobody says
We're gonna have a baby
Taking off in a coupe De ville
She buckled up on navy
She don't care what her mama said, no
She's gonna have my baby
I'm taking all i have to take
This takings gonna shape me

People call us renegade
'cause we like living crazy
We like taking on the town
Some people getting lazy

I don't care what nobody says, no
I'm going to be her lover
Always mad and usually drunk
But I love her like no other

And the doctor seems to say he don't know
Where we're gonna go?
I'm a ghost and I don't think I quite know
Where we're gonna go?
Where we're gonna go?

The Mail

2009-03-23T16:12:00.000-07:00

"As you know people from the media, other colleges, and corporate sector are visiting our campus for the R & D showcase. Out of curiosity, they may ask you about this year's Campus Placement status. Most of you don't have an exact idea about this and so can end up in giving the wrong impression. So it is in the best interests of the Institute and students graduating in the subsequent years to answer such questions in the manner mentioned below.

Q: How are the Placements this year?

A: Just like the previous year - excellent! All the students have been placed.

Q: So placement is completed?

A: Yes, but I think the institute is thinking of doing a second round of placement in April / May to give (already placed) students better opportunities - better jobs, with better compensation.

Q: Any other questions about placement,

A: I don't about these, but I can connect you to the Placement Leads.

Thanks for the cooperation, and please keep in mind that current year's placement decides the success of the next year's placement. The better the public perception of the current year's placement, the better the chances of following batches' placement."

As they said, most of us don't have the least idea of what's the truth and how things really are. So keeping that in mind, it would be completely unfair of us to contest the mail content. What's the use, one might argue, of arguing about righteousness of the means when the end in itself is righteous.

p.s :- The word "exact" was replaced by "least" as some of us felt that the mail was covertly hinting at this very thing, but was too polite and diplomatic/official/"responsible/mature" to say so.

The Inevitable

2009-03-20T14:16:00.000-07:00

Didn't I ask you guys to pray for something ? Well, some of you didn't and look what has come about. You might say it provides them with an opportunity to avenge their last year's defeat but how sweet will the alleged revenge over a team who went through only because of an needless injury time OG be ?

Facing up against the team whom you have done a double over might have been more enticing. Hold on there a bit, didn't this team already do a double over the other team as well. Hmm, this team simply looks unstoppable. Anyway, the other team can be dealt with at the final but then losing to a better team in a final wouldn't be as humiliating to them as losing both home and away in a quarter final or even in a semi for that matter.

Now then, why am I even assuming that the other team will go to the final? It is true that the four teams in that part of the draw could so easily have been accommodated in the same group in the opening round but still, they have to get past them right. It is not as if they dealt their die-hard rivals a 4-1 drubbing at the away game. In fact, losing to one of these teams might be even more harder to digest.

Coming back to the match set up due to lack of co-operation from you people, it shouldn't be all that bad. Both teams look to have come alive in the recent past and the return of a certain Ghanaian might make the tie a bit more balanced than the BPL ties. The draw does make the path easy for the other team to reach consecutive finals but it also has chalked up a cracking lower half.

So whichever way you may look at it and whichever team you support, CL has once again shown why it just can't disappoint anyone.

p.s:- Teams' names are redundant for the fan

p.s2:- However I admit they would have helped

Buen Trabajo Rojos

2009-03-16T17:51:00.000-07:00

Dud-> Do you know why's football back here?

Dude-> No man, i can't bear the suspense. Please don't keep me waiting any longer, please... please... por favor

Dud-> You know how much i hate drama. Corta el rollo

Dude-> Cut the crap in Spanish, huh. I won't even point out the irony there

Dud-> Football's here because the other blog doesn't facilitate the posting of more than one image per page

Dude-> I can't believe i've been living my life without knowing that. If you'll excuse me now, i need to go and get a life

Dud->That guy's simply unbelievable. Sus comentarios estaban cargados de sarcasmo

Liverpool have at long last begun to justify their ranking as the top team in European club football. With the Spanish national team winning the Euro, it would be only a matter of following it up if Liverpool are to win the CL (Barca might have a point if they say they are more Spanish, but we all know they ain't got a chance).

Rafa is blamed for every point dropped and every goal not scored. So with the goals pouring in, shouldn't Rafa be praised even a wee bit ? (was searching for his huge flag to put up actually, but couldn't find it)

Torres looks rejuvenated and a torrid Manchester United defense made him look all the more so. May be it was the other way round, the defense were made to look torrid by Torres

Gerrard leading from the front. How many times have we seen that? I'm tired of that cliche too

Aurelio looked like a tidy school boy in that hair style of his, and that free-kick was exactly that- Tidy and accurate

Alonso was missing from action due to injury. The last time this happened, Liverpool won 5-1 at St. James'. Don't fool yourself, they also crashed to humiliating draws without him and with the help of Mr.Lucas

[The pictures have been nicely symmetric thus far only because i copied all of these from a single site. Hope the guy doesn't get pissed off if ever he comes across this blatant disregard for copyright]

No matter how convincing the score line, Rafa's team are not in serious contention for the premiership yet again. He may be a brilliant tactician in European games but he has come a cropper time after time in domestic competitions. Don't give the excuse of the unavailability of a strong squad. He has had plenty of time to strengthen it but he has just messed up his transfer calls. Just look at the whole Robbie Keane deal and at the thought of bringing in Barry in place of Alonso. Sure he did a great job by getting him here in the first place and winning the CL in his debut season but that's simply not enough.

Will he be able to do that again? I hope he does (and that too by beating Man Utd enroute) but a lot would depend on the fitness of Torres and Gerrard, and Reina keeping his head.

p.s:- Let's pray for Chelsea not being drawn up against Liverpool. Yawn

p.s 2:- The title allegedly means "nice going reds". Rojo means red but rojos, i don't think means reds

[Tag] Top playlist

2009-03-13T09:22:00.000-07:00

Have to enlist the top played songs but i have no substantial facts as media players are but many. Anyhoo, if ITunes is to be trusted, this is what it says about the songs played in the last couple of months:-

1) Superman - Lazlo Bane, Scrubs theme song

2) My Love - Justin Timberlake

3) Prayer of the Refugee - Rise Against

4) Killing in the Name of - Rage Against the Machine

5) King Without a Crown - Matisyahu :D

6) Amazing - Kanye West

7) 505 - Arctic Monkeys

8) Iron Man - Black Sabbath

9) Teardrop - Massive Attack, House theme song

10) Feel Good Inc. - Gorillaz

The list above, however, doesn't do justice to the albums which i listen to on wmp, like

1) Graduation - Kanye West

2) Twilight OST

3) Clerks 2 OST

4) Requeim for a Dream OST

5) Fight Club OST

6) All albums of Coldplay

Said enough i guess, it has already begun to look as an exercise in vanity.

p.s:- How about indulging in "Favorite Music Videos" next time ?

Humor on the net

2009-02-04T07:09:00.000-08:00

A couple of funny* things i came across while browsing. The disclaimer is nothing but just plain old sense but 'better safe than sorry', right.

Disclaimer:- Things which i find funny needn't necessarily appear funny to everyone.

Funny article 1:- Lifted with no permission from CNN's blog

A lot of people found the following material tasteless, and a worthy contender for the worst piece of writing category at the Razzies (if ever there was to be such a category). I personally felt the humor was on the lines of what i try to incorporate in my posts.

Title:- Bad Oscar Speeches

History is littered with the detritus of terrible Oscar speeches. Gwyneth Paltrow anyone?

Winners are inevitably overcome, talk far too long, sob too much and generally just make you want to hit the mute button before your brain melts.

That charismatic, dreamboat of a person you idolized becomes a make-up smudged shadow of their screen glory with all the appeal of a screaming banshee (men and women).

With the Oscars only weeks away and keeping the above in mind, I’ve decided to pen my own Oscar speech just in case the day ever comes…

“Oh God. WOW. This is LIKE soooo amazing. I am a WINNER, which makes you all LOSERS. Oops, sorry. It makes a lot of you losers. I mean, what I wanted so say, is that this is just, I think, like, probably, the best moment in my life — no offense to my wife - but she knows what I’m all about.

“And that’s glory, and now I have it. Being a winner like me takes hard work, it has been back-breaking at times. I mean, some of you guys know what it’s like, $15 million a picture doesn’t spread that far these days. And working half the year in exotic locations is not what everyone imagines. And then there’s the week of humanitarian work a year; God! Sick and hungry people are such a drain aren’t they?

“Anyway, I digress, I’d like to thank everyone I’ve ever known though they’ve actually contributed nothing to my success — I got me here. I’m the one who does the acting.

“Some critics have called me the acting talent of my generation and, I have to say, I think they’re on the money.

“Which is why you losers, sorry, I mean the other people I have been delighted to beat to the best actor nod, shouldn’t be too downtrodden. You’ve done quite well actually. I’m not going to namecheck you all, because frankly, while I know your names, I can’t be bothered and I don’t really like you.

“I think I’ll put old Oscar here on the mantle piece next to the picture of me with Barack Obama. Obviously he and I have a lot in common, like winning, and I like to feel we’re on the same page when it comes to policy in the Middle East.

“Anyway, to cap off: I’m the winner here and fully expect to be back next year so don’t even bother renting yourself a suit. By the way, do you like mine? Aren’t you going to give me the obligatory standing ovation?”

End of copyright infringement.

Now then, what kind of people are they who find it non-hilarious? Do these people need an emergency dose of sense of humor or are these types better left alone, to become life long whiner(s) ?

2) Funny forum talk:-

What makes the following IMDB forum discussion funny, is the innocence/ignorance/dumbness behind it

Board: Emmanuelle Chriqui

View: thread | flat | inline | nest

Gay?

by DaniSwiftknife (Sun Jun 15 2008 22:56:17)

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Does anyone know if she's gay? She plays a lesbian or bisexual in a few roles...and it's not specified if the architect is a guy or a girl..just that she's dating an architect...

I was just curious.

and spare me on the 'well, tom hanks played a gay guy in Philadelphia, does that mean he's gay?' thing...because I'm legitimately curious if anyone knows.

Re: Gay?

by LiveRocker (Mon Jun 16 2008 12:20:28)

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She is NOT gay. I can assure you of this...

LiveRocker

Re: Gay?

by FilmJunkie24-1 (Tue Jun 17 2008 08:48:45)

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im sure she's straight..but no one really knows...Hell Tom Hanks just might be gay plenty of guys are married with kids but are still gay

Re: Gay?

by DaniSwiftknife (Wed Jun 18 2008 13:00:39)

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I was just asking for some credentials/proof what have you...something more than speculation....

Re: Gay?

by a1991 (Wed Jun 18 2008 13:02:56)

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http://www.womenshealthmag.com/life/emmanuelle-chriqui-interview?page= 2

The interviewer asks, "Did your boyfriend ever bristle at your working with only men?"

Emmanuelle answers, "No. We've been together for five years, and it's something you discuss in the beginning. If someone can't accept that, it's a problem. But HE'S an architect and HE'S very secure and successful in HIS own life. He knows that what I do for my job is just work."

Re: Gay?

by wrs_snd (Sat Jun 21 2008 13:56:55)

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Well, her bio on here DOES say that she is bilingual...

Re: Gay?

by DAMIAN001 (Sun Jun 22 2008 15:58:00)

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Bilingual means you speak two languages dumbass.

Re: Gay?

by FilmJunkie24-1 (Sun Jun 22 2008 21:09:25)

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"Bilingual means you speak two languages dumbass"

LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! O MAN I HOPE THAT GUY WAS JOKING!!!!

Re: Gay?

by koffeenkreame41-1 (Sun Jun 29 2008 22:54:45)

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Well, her bio on here DOES say that she is bilingual...

Bilingual means you speak two languages dumbass.
"Bilingual means you speak two languages dumbass"

LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! O MAN I HOPE THAT GUY WAS JOKING!!!!

--------------
I hope he was, to, because that was so damn funny!!
ROTFFLMFAO!!!!!!!!
Holy sh!t, I nearly pissed myself, it's bisexual, not bilingual, how the hell did you get that mixed up? Oh, God, that was so damn funny. Bisexual means plays from both sides of the fence and bilingual means that she is well-versed in many languages. Oh, sh!t, that was funny, I can hardly finish writing this post. LOL!!

Laugh you miserly miser.

I keep doing this all the time, bah

2009-01-30T04:44:00.000-08:00

The question which plagues any blogger, not feeling all at home with blogging for reasons he himself doesn't know, is what to post and what to not. Should i post this, should i not, why would anyone want to read this, why should i bother with who reads it, will i sound a bit too pessimistic or cliched or will i come across as a man desperate to sound different, should i really be using the same word twice in a sentence, am i repeating the same old phrases over and over again, has the novelty of my writing worn off or the plain old but ever persistent: what's the purpose

All that melodrama to begin with (and now i have to refer the meaning of the word "melodrama" to see if it means what i think it means, damn you lack-of-confidence) but nothing much to follow it up with, just like an over-hyped India- Pakistan match, one might say. Now that analogy should have made you a bit more attentive, your back a bit straighter and the volume of the music a bit down, or i was mistaken in assuming you were passionate about Indo-Pak rivalry or quite simply, a silly cliched analogy doesn't arrest your attention. I personally believe it bodes you well if you belong to the last category. It's not that i've anything against those who are interested in this incessant, non-coherent, adjective filled blabber or those who are passionate about the rivalry.

Now then where was I, what to yedda yedda about next? Thinking aloud like this might help not only to lengthen your short-on-words posts but in certain cases, may also help your reader in getting a glimpse of your thought process. Ah well, i started writing this post with an intention to wite about what took place past friday but i got tangled up in this mangled mess and got carried away by this non-stop frenetic flow of blah blah blah.

I guess i was trying to compete with the way AB's going about his innings, should have been watching the match instead but the quality of the cable service in the campus makes it impossible to pick up the ball. May be the Parliament should look into the matter, as Champions League's (Ten Sports plzzz) gonna get underway pretty soon and what a bummer it would be for budding technical engineers if they are to miss out on football on TV.

{Oh damn, AB's out. He would have been invaluable in the batting powerplay.}

With that innings-end, so does my motivation for further progress due to lack of competition.

p.s:- This is not the first time that i've posted a post with no substantial matter in it. May be i've abused this format too a wee bit. Anyway, it's for you guys to decide. Acting as a self critic has stagnated, it seems.

p.s 2:- Ever notice my endings, they seem abrupt and not well-furnished. They are simply an excuse to conclude the post, as and when my patience runs out.

Poster suggestion for Rock Show

2009-01-20T13:29:00.000-08:00

original image by Terrorblade.

guest author : Terrorblade

I don't know what this is

2008-12-30T10:23:00.000-08:00

In missing calm of night and creepy shades of light

a warrior* strides across the fields in search of ventures capable of arresting his attention

My faulty computer clock says it's almost midnight

I have previously sought help right from Google to Microsoft

but the problem persists no matter how much i insist

I turn off the light and hit the sack

but sleep is something which I immediately don't lack

so I continue to longingly gaze at the download manager

with the hope of watching the MOTD before calling it a day

I have no clue as to when that might be

as the speed keeps fluctuating

and my mood swinging

So with time to kill, i switch on the night bulb

left behind generously by the previous occupant

and start scribbling this piece

in light which frankly isn't enough to make out chalk from cheese

but oddly, (is) bright enough to uncover the reason behind the generousity

My eyes can barely see these letters and are under tremendous strain

but i continue in this vein

for the night's now a tad too old to be working in light as bright as the incandescent luminence

All this while, the "time remaining" continues to appreciate and depreciate

taunting teasing and coercing me to stay awake

and so helpless, i continue to write

Notwithstanding the late hour, a dude's blaring Beyonce's "If I Were A Boy"

certainly not thinking on the lines of

"If there was a lark

living right next door

with hopes of waking

up at the break of dawn........."**

A quick glance at the screen

which at its dimmest is still the source the brightest

I see there are just a few mega bytes to go before i stop this

RSA will re-embark on their pursuit of history in a few hours

needing just a century and a half with all wickets in hand

but i wait with breath sparse

coz when it comes to the proteas

I'm a pessimist with reasons aplenty

Oh, download's done and so is my turn for i've got to run

[Don't know whether it's the chilly night or the scrutiny fright

I just can't help but feel that this piece will do better

if taken after a few cans of budweiser]

p.s:- None of this would have happened if i hadn't felt a bit ashamed to go back home in the afternoon, after having returned only in the morning.

My efforts at coming up with something other than prose continue to go astray :( Prudence tells me to not publish this, but alas, i keep no drafts and the backspace key's no longer a part of my keyboard setup. The darn thing's gone the way the ctrl button did earlier.

**->believed to be written in tune with Beyonce's song

Got something to do with CAT but has nothing to do with it

2008-11-13T13:52:00.000-08:00

Are these the days when people busy fidgeting and future apprehending are ready to jump upon any sort of post that gets posted in the blogroll so that they can get their minds away from CAT or are these the days the most crucial indispensable resources to facilitate the blooming of a promising career that you can't even spare a moment to check the happenings in the blogroll?

If you managed to read the first passage without even reading a single phrase over again then i guess you are pretty well prepared (for the RC section at least). In case you read it over and over trying to make it out (like me) then well it just means that you aren't acclimatised to nonsense that makes sense. No paper setter will go about giving passages after removing all the punctuations, so don't fret over it. Now then stop fretting for not knowing what 'fret' means. How can i fret if i don't know the meaning of fret you say, just because you don't know the word doesn't mean you don't feel it. Permission to present the first witness your honour, i would like to call on 'Goosebumps'.

Just to make matters clear i didn't intentionally undress my first passage, i am pathetic when it comes to dealing with the attires that come out of the comma section of the malls.

In case you forgot (after reading this far), you have an exam on Sunday. The least i could do would be to move out and make some place for luck and poise.

Cheers, have a blast !!

p.s:- The word 'fret' is indeed not known to everyone. You know it but that's because you have a strong(er) vocab. Guess that's a head start for you :D

Pointless Banter

2008-10-21T16:13:00.000-07:00

My Laptop's keyboard has decided to fall apart and looks like the 'Ctrl' button has taken the initiative of leading from the front. That would have made a lot more sense had the laptop belonged to a CSE student obsessed with running a not-ending-till-midnite deadline-arriveth loop of cut-copy-paste, but as it stands it belongs to an ECE student. So pardon me for wondering aloud "what the fuck" .

If anything the key responsible for printing the letter 'I' should have bitten the dust first considering the number of times i use it in my posts. I seriously should consider not taking potshots at my own style of writing. That field of vocation as it is, seems to be- filled to the brim, packed like sardines, as tight as Mcgrath's line, as crowded as Mumbai's trains and weekend multiplexes. A word of caution -Considering all the metaphors used to indicate the high levels of density, It might not be long before the dreaded Terrorists decide to take a shot, so run for your lives people, just leave the poor guy alone :)

[polldaddy poll=1026377]

p.s 1:- The portrayal of a "typical CSE student" was originally done by Phani Deepak(UG2k6)

p.s 2:- Just wanted to see what the heck 'poll daddy' was all about

A brief unauthorised glimpse into a Felicity 2k9 co-coordinator's mental state

2008-10-10T13:57:00.000-07:00

My friend Vijay-the Felicity co-coordinator wanted some help in order to capture the spirit of Felicity in words and these are the replies which he received earlier in the day

1)A rip-off of last year's well-written brochure

2)An insanely desperate attempt-at-humor passage :-

Once every year there dawns upon us an event which goes by an 'F' word. The speciality about this event, apart from the fact that it's so 'f'ing good, is the way it is presented. It's straight from the heart, it's frank and it's in no way inhibited by all the formal constraints. So why just stand and stare like a grumpy, rigid, cliched corporate boss when you can so easily jump on the 'F' ride and have a blast. By the way, we will ensure foolproof security to prevent blasts of the other kind.

The poor guy as a result of such co-operation and not to mention all the stress involved in the assuagement of underlying ego-conflicts believes that one day he might become like John Malkovich in the movie "Being John Malkovich". The only difference he quotes "would be the replacement of the words "malkovich,malkovich,malkovich......" by "felicity,felicity,felicity......." "

p.s:- I don't claim ownership of this post

Megan Fox, Mother Teresa and a Milestone, with a few descriptions to Mediate

2008-10-03T15:17:00.000-07:00

I changed the theme of the blog (once again) and in the process of doing so, felt compelled to update it. Excuses aside, i came across a weird thing today whilst browsing. Did you know that Megan Fox plays the role of Saint Teresa albeit only for a fake trailer for a movie inside a movie "How to lose friends and alienate people"

Anyway, the concept of Megan Fox playing a "sexed-up Mother Teresa in an NC-17-rated film" got me thinking and, just like that an extra-ordinarily contentious theory cropped up, about which i now have the patience not to elaborate but will find some some fine day and by god, i intend to offend at least some of the truly Devout* that day.

Coming back to the present day and putting aside the devilishly brilliant to-be-portrayed canvas, have you ever considered the word "Brochure". It sounds and spells 'all Business and formal' and demands the entries to be likewise too. However, if brochure was to be spelled "Broucher" the following entries might have had a chance of making it

Description 1 (for an amateur college Reporting Event):-

Do you gulp gossip down like a glass of ale and go about vomiting on everyone ? Well, that's disgusting but this event makes it look ethical and you reporting committal. So grab a pen and rush out to the nearest bookstore to get that scribbling pad for there won't be any (remaining) when the event comes calling this.... (the name of the college fest goes here).

All that you need to do is to register and go about gossip hunting. If we find your bounty size-able, we assure you a boot full of prizes.

Why Broucher material? The "vomit" term, no matter how natural, can never make into a "serious brochure"

Description 2 ( for a quizzing event on movies and prime-time T.V series):-

Are you the kind of person who takes pride from the amount of inside information on movies and prime-time series? If yes, then there's only one way to prove your haughtiness. The game's gonna hit the screens this Felicity and by george, breaking prison would look like a child's play when compared to this titanic quizzing event which might make you feel all lost and home alone if you leave your game behind.

Caution:- You might require more than just a cheerleader to save your world (read pride) as we promise to leave it all shaken and stirred. Oh yeah one more thing, it's gonna be de -wait for it- lightful

Why Broucher material? Even though the word 'Vomit' doesn't feature here, the passage is ridiculously and obnoxiously titular.

p.s 1:- The word "Devout" has been used as a noun even though it isn't one. It would have been okay in a world of brouchers but alas, we live in a world of brochures and 'Wren and Martin'.

p.s 2:- This happens to be the 100th post and i certainly didn't try to make it any special. That sums up the essence of this blog actually- No one other than yours truly is shown as special :D

p.s 3:- The title should have been the other way round

Want some suggestions, Dammit!

2008-09-24T16:43:00.000-07:00

What kind of questions are the best bet to bring out the creativeness of an individual??

Do you have any novel ideas which were considered too out of the box or weren't even considered earlier? It's time to try out your luck as i come around begging for new ideas.

The questions needn't be creative. The answers should provide enough of that commodity as long as your questions help them cross the void of creativity formed because of repetitive brain numbing activities. So please feel free to dump all the ideas which you think can fit the billing. The questions needn't be smart or clever or considerate or formal or senseful but it would help if they were.

(The post should have ended here for what follows is reduntant matter which causes more harm than good).

I just need some fodder to let my brain feed on, so that i can churn out some questions. The questions churned out may turn out to be the very ones you sent, but even in that event you will have no rights to go to court and file whatever you file for using stuff without the permission of their owners.

You see i'm going to be like an anti-Santa who goes about collecting things and that too when you come over to give as opposed to me coming over.

All questions are to be submitted in comment format at the end of this post. The best thing about the comment format is that you have a provision to be anonymous. Now how cool is that

In the event of no comments turning up this post would oblige me to bray, and i would have to make do with my own ideas (The latter scenario ain't a bad position to be in but the former is totally uncool.... which implies that this post makes it essential for me to receive some suggestions even though i could have done without them in the first place. Interesting development that)

p.s:- I believe that (n +1) brains are better than (n) brains and that's been the sole purpose of reaching out to you people.

Me on Myself

2008-09-22T05:06:00.000-07:00

I don't claim to have gotten* enlightened whilst sitting under a bodh tree, but yesterday after the 1-1 draw between Manchester United and Chelsea i realised that i was still not yet free from the obsession of material possessions.

Excessive devotion (or devotion for that matter) towards material possessions is a sin and that sin is what i am so fond of committing. Well actually, it isn't the 'obsession' which afflicts me but it is more of the "being under the spell" kind of thing. I have been a sucker for Television ever since i was first introduced to it and this relationship of mine is what i seek to terminate and by terminate, i don't mean like i will never lay my eyes upon it ever again!!, it's just that, if given a choice between watching TV and going out (and "getting a life"), i will choose the latter.

One of the earliest examples which i can recall regarding this case happens to be my learning to tell the time by looking at a watch (of course you think it is stupid that some one actually has to learn looking at a watch but just try teaching that to an infant (and by infant i don't mean a grown up politician->phatta )). The story goes like, i learnt to interpret the time shown by checking with the programmes on on TV at that time (even though i didn't know the time, i knew which show was on at which time even back then). So after a few days of such constant Tv referrals i became adept at the infant-evading art. It was because of this very avocation that i've had spectacles on my big fat nose (not so big but nevertheless fat nose, actually) ever since i was in 2nd standard.

Looking back at the above passage, i wonder how the art of forming simple sentences that make clear sense evade a "fully accomplished engineering student". I have to say that i am unable to make that passage more coherent, and may be that is because of the fact that i am speaking about myself rather than what i think about other things (Once you come to understand the line, you will realise i am being Honest).

To save you all from the pain of "what the heck is he saying" feeling, i present to you the summary ->

->I've woken up to realise that Tv is a dispensable commodity and the events scheduled on it need not disrupt what ever you are doing unless of course you are watching some other channel :) .

You were subjected to the above passages only because i chose to sit at home and watch a BPL match instead of going to Charminar and eating Haleem along with my Dad and his friends.

Reader's backlash:-

1)Why the goddamn dramatisation??

monkeys don't dramatise, they just go about their work which unfortunately appears as a drama to others.

2) Why should we read about what you do and not do?

it's my blog and no matter how much i try to not get myself involved there are bound to be such cases. More over, it's my personal feeling that posts pertaining to me are better than those relating to things not-me.

3) I don't see why i should give a damn

i think you have already made this point in the earlier statement and moreover by saying this, don't you think you are giving a damn (i am confused how that is, but i'm not going to retract)

4) why enroll it in the college blogroll for god's sake?

I won't (from now on) if your peers second it

5) Why this dialogue sequence at the end?? do you really fear a backlash?

oops, i'm being a bit too honest

Best of September of last year (part-1)

2008-09-17T14:39:00.000-07:00

I want to update my blog but i don't feel like writing. So i am going to take the easy way out and dig in to my older entries :(

Lame ? yes, but surely better than nothing

Same time last year i was on a posting rampage and that too when my blog had barely any visitors. You see, back then i was yet to know about the existence of a college blogroll and moreover, my friends didn't (read :don't) give a damn.

Best of September of last year:-

Context :- End of third sem Mid-sems

Content -> I write this post wondering whether i burned my tongue or the roof my mouth. The culprit was by the way, not a hot lady (raunchy thoughts, huh), it was just some really hot food. The taste was anything but hot but then what can one expect in a canteen of a research institute. Having said that my performance in the gone-by exams was as tasteless as the aforementioned food.

I know that you don't give a damn about my screwed up grades but anyway, i would like to elaborate a bit on my quite dumb exploits during the course of my exams. First of all, gone are those days when i used to attend classes only for attendance, these days it seems that i even attend exams just for the sake of attendance. The only thing which i usually get right in the examination hall , is my signature on the attendance sheet.

This may feel funny but it damn sure ain't funny. So what do i do during the whole exam, i just keep pondering over how i managed to get myself into such a hopeless situation in the first place. May be this place ain't for me, may be i am so irresponsible or may be i should work hard the next time or may be i should just stop this non-sensical chain of may-be's.

Whatever i do or don't do, this blog will keep getting updated as long as i continue to stay in this non-hot college of mine. I am actually quite amazed that terrorists haven't struck during the past week when festivities reached a feverishly high state.

Context:- Pre mid sems and post WLAN installation in OBHEB

Content-> I have my mid-sems from the day after the day after tomorrow and my preparation is as patchy as this opening sequence. This may not sound original at all, since almost all of your friends must be humming these words in your ears 24 X 7. On the bright side, the exams will last for only three days and they will quite surely disappear into the distant horizons of my mind, even before i realize what hit me.

I feel like a scavenger right now, feeding on the bits and pieces of wireless signals left unconsumed by my peers. This was supposed to be the case prior to the installation of the wireless routers (in my block) but my condition continues to be the same, thanks to the highly ineffective "state of the art" equipment. Having said that, scavengers tend to lose the art of appreciation after a course of time, which makes them incapable of even distinguishing between the good and rotten food.

Context:- Reviews of FIFA 08 demo and Tarantino's Deathproof

Content-> There is no need to buckle up your seats or anything, for the reviews, are for two completely insignificant man made creations. The first one amongst this happens to be FIFA 08 (demo version). Having been addicted to this game for the past season, i have to say that the new one ain't so different from the old one.

The major and most interesting change has to be the one done to the goal-keeper who has been designed to be a more pro-active figure unlike the previous editions where he almost never left his line. Since i have played only the demo version i haven't had a chance to find out about the new " Be a Pro" feature where you get to play with a single player for the whole course of the match.

Coming to the visual aspect, the turf seems greener and the stands seem fuller but the clarity has clearly gone astray. I am hoping that, that won't be the case with the full version.

The other review is concerned with the Tarantino part of " Grindhouse" namely "Deathproof ". True to his usual conventional style,Tarantino has managed to churn out yet another unconventional movie. (I am not complaining though)

The beginning part of the movie runs solely on the finer side of feminism (which happens to include some vulgar yet appealing body movements designed to present the character as bootylicious). The fun really begins in the "after six months" segment where the director moves away from the ladies' tushies (finally) to concentrate on some freaky car rides.

I would have dismissed this movie as thrash except for the last 30 mins which are really fun to watch. I would recommend this movie only to men, as women might find this one a bit offending. Go ahead gentlemen , have a blast :) .

Context:- Present Day

Content:- Enough for today, see you later

Philosophy, UG3 and a three point blah

2008-08-30T04:10:00.000-07:00

Is blogging on a day when everyone's busy blogging a bright choice ? Isn't there a risk of your blog getting drowned in amidst all the view points being strewn around as if there would be no other day to blog?

Anyway, i respect the initiative taken and this is the least that i could do.

1) Philosophical Blah ?:-

We are born, cared,clothed, fed, cleaned, fed more, enrolled, praised, scolded, appreciated, ridiculed,failed, passed, elated, selected, counselled,ragged, "enlightened", celebrated, assessed, questioned, hired, loved, fired, dumped, re-hired, retired, admitted, cried, stereo typed but not once, do we look at the big picture.

For a child, a big picture is that which hangs on his bedroom wall. For a young student, the big picture is marks. For a teenager the big picture is trying to appear cool. For a young man, the big picture is career and thus, each stage of our life passes on but ultimately, at the end of the day all that there is, is a life wasted.

Why do people immerse themselves in meaning-less activities like learning about things which they know they won't be doing/using? Let me tell you a story.

Long Long ago but not so long ago when monkeys had evolved into humans and humans having eaten Center fresh had domesticated donkeys and farmed and discovered and invented and industrialized and termed themselves Civilized, a blunder came into being and the blunder kept growing everyday because no human cared to stand up to it and those who did were dismissed as sinners /outlaws/losers. Thus, we are where we are. (end of story)

We study hard through out our childhood and then we work even harder through out our adulthood and then we live no more. For a child who enjoys reading and for an adult who enjoys working, this system is fine, error-proof, stainless steel and what not, but for those who don't like the whole concept of forced academics, 9-5 work and many other such established notions this life is just a Circus.

Originally, i had planned to elaborate the above views and come with a counter-perspective for the same, but having learned that Gandhi(ji) also had some similar thoughts about civilization i decided not to dwell on the whole issue. Just for the record, Gandhi(ji) came up with his theory after spending many years in rascist RSA where as i came up with something similar after just a couple of years in this College. (No inferences are encouraged)

2) UG-3 (exclusive) Blah:-

What's wrong with UG-3? They seem to be obsessed with the usage of terms like "power thirst" and "politics". Until yesterday this disease was foreign to the "southerners" but the anticipatory "over hyped" CR elections saw to it that no one was left untouched.

First it was for Felicity, now it is for CR, devil knows what they'll end up fighting for next time around. As a matter of fact, if Blogging were to be considered seriously by them, they might even blame the adjudicators of the "Blog of the Week" of indulging in power hungry politics.

3) A 3 point Blah:-

i) Prevention is better than Cure

ii) What cannot be prevented must be cured and what cannot be cured must be endured

iii) What cannot be endured must be endured with a greater effort

There's just no escaping (I say it once again, inferences are not encouraged).

p.s:- I'm also aware of the advantages associated with blogging today. SO please don't waste your time by trying to point them out.

p.s 2:- The usage of the term "philosophy" is debatable

Rules of the House for the Squatters of the Fifth House and a "tag line"

2008-08-26T11:10:00.000-07:00

It seems that the existence of a fifth House was mooted* recently at a "Parliament session". I don't exactly know what else was said about it since i wasn't there. I am actually nowhere at most of the times and that makes me a faithful member of this "fifth house".

Before i became a member of this fifth house, i was put into a house well known for it's notoriously non-functional intake . On hindsight, me being put up there was a masterstroke from whoever concerned with such putting up activities. You must be knowing that it is okay for a Jew to joke about a Jew, himself being a Jew. So it must also be okay for me to joke about my non-fifth house having been a member of it myself.

"But who am i to comment on their performance and what worth would such comments be since i myself don't perform". To clarify matters, I am not a student of this school of thought and secondly, You would have no objection to the things written here if you too weren't one. Anyway, i ain't gonna comment on the show put up by this house on Fresher's Nite. So irrespective of which school you hail from, you shouldn't be having any objection(s).

So changing tracks and jumping on to the bandwagon of the fifth house, let me propose a few basic rules for this house:-

1) No member shall ever participate in any inter-house events and it would be better if one didn't even know about them in the first place.

2) The membership of the house should be strictly confidential and the members are supposed to move under the cover of other houses (we all know which house has the biggest umbrella for this purpose).

3) Thou shalt be ashamed not for being such an inactive component and non-existent participant.

4)Thou shalt observe "International Day of Apathy" every day.

5) Finally, excessive amateurish usage of Shakespearean may lead to nauseousness and should be avoided at all times.

p.s 1:-Is this post a plausible entrant for the "Blog of the week" event?, I couldn't have cared less

p.s 2:- Will the above p.s have any bearing upon the verdict ?, once again i couldn't have cared any less

p.s 3:- My non-existent brother aged 2, came up with a tag for Felicity (aah, the mention of the name brings back sweet memories) and it goes something like

Felicity->no need for any publicity

(* denotes the words whose usage i have no idea about, but nevertheless ended up using).

Larks and Owls and a whole lot of Howlers

2008-08-06T15:23:00.000-07:00

So are you a lark or an owl? i say what difference does it make whether you sleep early or get up late. One feels drowsy either way in the classroom!! (that happens to be the general opinion by the way).

Even if the authorities concerned think otherwise it would be hard (read impossible) for them to force their ideas upon students who believe that the base camp for their ascent towards the heights of "coolness" can be established only by ridiculing the college authorities (if you disagree with the mentioned attitude of students, then may god bless you for you are the rare exception and also the real thing).

Anyway this endeavour of Larks Vs. Owls has resulted in the class hours being restricted and has in turn seriously jeopardised the prospects of those hunting for a viable elective/HSSM. To begin with there were only seven courses to choose from and just when you thought that things couldn't get any more messed up, this crammed time table came along, which not only further limited the options but also left room only for those courses which ironically have no room to accommodate the 100 odd students registered.

[ They say that you should have an idea as to whom you are addressing while you write, but having read the opening passages, i am not sure who the honored ones are]

In addition to all of this there comes a mail from Mr.G claiming that more than 60 students for a course is a no-no. If you are any good at math you will have no difficulty in grasping the idiocy reeking(sorry, pounding) behind the whole procedure.

A note:- Do not lose sleep over the sleeping patterns of the students because they are old enough and (should be) responsible enough to take care of their own a**es. The implementation of any kind of a rule would be completely unnecessary and uncalled for because if you do it, then they wouldn't learn to deal with their own problems. What the heck, the guy causing disturbance would only be a fellow student and if they can't work that out then god knows who can help them out.

p.s Ever heard of the term "symbiosis"?

The alternate blog updated

2008-07-15T05:14:00.000-07:00

New post at http://arcticmonkey.wordpress.com

I ain't gonna tell about what it is because i don't want you to formulate the view of "who cares" based solely upon the topic. Well, the whole concept of trailers is based upon giving a "sneak-peek" into what's in store but i ain't gonna go that way because most of them mislead and i don't intend to do so.

Dentist visited

2008-07-11T06:12:00.000-07:00

"Hey, how about a movie tomorrow morning", " No man, i've got an appointment with my dentist".

Truth be told, i haven't been able to turn down any such request over the past 3 months and this impending visit to the dentist gave me an opportunity to do so but sadly not one soul was free to ask me in the first place. That in essence has been the story of this vacation, me searching for a companion only to find out that each one of them is busy with some project/ internship/ some other equally important "career building" errand.

Anyway, this was my first trip to a dentist (technically it was the second trip, i had gone yesterday but right at the moment when the machine* was about to make an impression, there was a power cut, so i had to return with no work done) and i have to say that i must have seen one a lot earlier considering the condition of some of my teeth which have been in a despicable condition right since my high school days. Maybe "despicable" ain't the right term to describe their condition but i don't want to get into all those details since it might make a piece of unnecessarily disturbing information for those interested in me :) (cheeky)

So why did it take all these years to visit a dentist ? It was due to a certain gentleman named Ogden Nash who so convincingly dismissed a trip to a dentist as a painful experience. I wouldn't call the experience painful but when i come to think about it, it does leave me bit uneasy. In fact, at one stage the smell emanating from the procedure was so stifling that it reminded of a boat trip taken down to Lord Buddha.

Here's the man (not Lord Buddha but Mr.Nash) himself speaking:-

This is gonna hurt just a lil bit

One thing I like less than most things is sitting in a dentist chair with my mouth wide open.

And that I will never have to do it again is a hope that I am against hope hopen.

Because some tortures are physical and some are mental,
But the one that is both is dental.
It is hard to be self-possessed
With your jaw digging into your chest.

So hard to retain your calm
When your fingernails are making serious alterations in your life line or love line or some other important line in your palm;

So hard to give your usual effect of cheery benignity
When you know your position is one of the two or three in life most lacking in dignity.

And your mouth is like a section of road that is being worked on.
And it is all cluttered up with stone crushers and concrete mixers and drills and steam rollers and there isn’t a nerve in your head that you aren’t being irked on.

Oh, some people are unfortunate enough to be strung up by thumbs.
And others have things done to their gums,
And your teeth are supposed to be being polished,
But you have reason to believe they are being demolished.

And then at last he says That will be all; but it isn’t because he then coats your mouth from cellar to roof
With something that I suspect is generally used to put a shine on a horse’s hoof.

And you totter to your feet and think. Well it’s all over now and afterall it was only this once.
And he says come back in three monce.

And this, O Fate, is I think the most vicious circle that thou ever sentest,
That Man has to go continually to the dentist to keep his teeth in good condition
when the chief reason he wants his teeth in good condition
is so that he won’t have to go to the dentist.

p.s 1:- A portion of the poem has been edited out

p.s 2 :- For those interested in me , there's no reason for you to feel betrayed since my teeth are back in prime and you can duly forget that this post ever existed.

p.s 3:- I'm currently reading "Midnight's Children" which indulges in the usage of narrative difficult to comprehend. I don't know how much it influenced me but the result is there for you to see.

Song of the day :- Teddy Picker (Arctic Monkeys)

First dig at non digital diary

2008-06-23T12:53:00.000-07:00

Originally written during the days of IPL and kept under wraps due to lack of digitalisation facilities.

Why am i using a pen to pen my thoughts when i could have so easily used the keyboard. There are surprisingly many reasons behind this exercise of which some are quite reasonable - for a change.

Firstly, i have been spending a lot of time in front of the tiresome trio* that any time spent away from them is a welcome respite. Secondly, i also thought that this little exercise can go a long way in helping me improve my handwriting which as of know resembles any of the many incoherent scribblings expected from a bottom of the class kindergarten student. (p.s:- i was an excellent student during my schooling days, so that rules out self reference in the above case)

I have to admit that this gel pen ain't helping my cause. If this pen were a human being and i were a famous person i would have had no hesitation in filing a defamation suit (but as it stands both seem quite improbable with one of them even more so than the other).

Anyway, the other reason as to why i resorted to this was due to a belief that handwriting is influenced by a person's way of thinking and vice-versa. As of now, all of my letters slant towards the left. This phenomenon not only makes my handwriting look ugly but also projects me as a negative thinker. Well, i used to be negative in the past but these days i am only unsure.

So one of my aims, before i undertook this 'venture' was to correct the slant and thereby my attitude. Sadly, my hand is refusing to budge and i as a result am just as pessimistic as before. Maybe i should make a serious effort at buying for myself a cursive handwriting book before the vacation runs out. Once that is done, i can sit back and decide what to do with it.

* TV, Laptop, Desktop

p.s:- I have digitalised the post for reasons quite obvious.

My first and last short story (till date)

2008-05-20T08:39:00.000-07:00

I thought that it was quite brave (read dumb) of me to submit the following story as part of course work. Anyway, read on..................

A Day At The Office

Mr. Editor, as he liked himself to be called, woke up to the cacophonic tune of his alarm and was immediately alarmed on noticing that his clock had gone off before the sunrise. This experience had become a common occurrence during this time of the year over the past few years but somehow it never ceased to amaze, or rather alarm him.

He could still quite distinctively recall all the vivid memories of his childhood mornings, when the sun would have been almost halfway through the eastern skies before he had an opportunity to lay an eye upon it (during this time of the year).

After some private thought which was attended to whilst he was indulgent in his early morning chores, Mr. Editor decided that he could fill up a column in his newspaper with the help of this topic.

With the decision being made all that was now left to be done by Mr. Editor was to find some ordinary men for the ordinary job. He would have loved to do the job on his own but he knew, more than anyone else, the dangers that came associated with the association with the thoughts arising in his mind.
`

Spring may be famous for its pleasant weather but McManus was certainly famous for his foul temper which was evident not only in spring but through out the year. The fact that he was awoken from his sleep early in the morning didn’t help tip the scale towards pleasantness either.

McManus hadn’t always been the ordinary person that he is today. He had seen both good and bad times in his past.
His professional career had got off to an exceptional start and was in fact a darling of the critics for quite a considerable amount of time. He had been a writer for whom words came as easily as floods in an Indian monsoon. Even though he was aware of the envious status that he enjoyed amongst his peers he was never quite able to put a finger on the reasons responsible for his position. But now with the words having deserted him he came to realise what he had back then and no longer had, an inherent ability to put things in perspective with the help of words.

When he first realized that words were no longer something that he could summon at will he began to get worried and ultimately this worry of his transformed itself into frustration which in turn led to violent outbursts from his side.

These actions of his left his wife with no other option but to leave him. In the weeks following his wife’s departure McManus continued to slide at an exponential rate towards depression, and finally when he could slide no more he made up his mind to put an end to it all by putting a bullet in his head.

When the moment to pull the trigger had arrived McManus was left with a smile across his face. He was so impressed with his suicide note that he felt that “there was life in the auld dawg yet”

However, that turned out to be a false dawn and McManus began to live a new life playing the part of an ordinary writer with an interesting past.

“Hello”, bellowed McManus as he answered the phone. “As far as I can recall, I am your Boss and I don’t remember ordering you to treat me with such disdain?” complained Mr. Editor, as he began to get dressed for the day ahead. “I am really sorry sir, I was speaking in my sleep”, said McManus trying to sound apologetic.

“Apology accepted, McManus. Now stop wasting your time and hurry along to the office. I have an interesting task for you” said Mr. Editor whilst scrutinizing himself in the mirror. He became so deeply occupied with his reflection that he had no room left in his mind to reflect upon McManus’s reply.

When Dilbert reached the publishing office, he was taken aback at the sight of McManus so early in the morning. “So, did you come all the way early in the morning just to beat me to my cup of coffee?” asked Dilbert, trying to sound jovial. “ It seems that the old man’s got a task for me” said McManus as he continued to stare into the distant emptiness. “I’m afraid the ‘old man’ can still hear”, said Mr. Editor as he came thundering towards them in a I-mean-business manner.

“I don’t want to waste any more of my time stuck in this office, lest I should become a Bartleby. So, here’s what I want you to do for me and my paper. Write an article exploring the could-be reasons behind the sun’s recent late appearances on the eastern horizon in the mornings”.

“May be you should start looking towards the west, sir. The other day our rival newspaper published an article which predicted that the Sun would rise in the west in the not too distant future” said Dilbert, laughing out loud.

“I always knew that they were nut cases”, said Mr. Editor in a pleased manner as he got up to leave the room.

The very next day a column appeared in Mr. Editor’s newspaper which explored all the various plausible explanations responsible for the alleged delay of the sun rise. The article, co-written by McManus and Dilbert, touched upon many a reason but excluded the most important of them all and that was the change in the geographical location of Mr. Editor.

The Newspaper Column:

Rapid Industrialization bringing about our planet’s slowdown?
It’s unofficially official folks. Our planet has begun to slow down and experts believe that global warming might be the culprit yet again. In a startling revelation made late yesterday evening, some leading scientists offered to let the cat out of the bag provided their identity be held within the bag. On being assured of leak proof anonymity, the scientists finally came forward to put forth their ideas………….. (the end)

What i tried to do was to write a story which in essence has no plot or basis. I know that my premise doesn't quite make any sense but then i thought if Tarantino could pull it off then why can't I ? At the end of it all, I was quite surprised (read relieved) that i got 6.5/10 for my effort. There were also some 4-5 lines of feedback which i haven't been able to decipher till date (from what little i could make out it sounded pretty positive, LOL).

p.s:- The material presented here is the crude form of my story. I couldn't produce the refined version since it was hand written.

The Se7en Sins -> Reloaded, uploaded and ready to be dissected

2008-05-08T12:28:00.000-07:00

The Pope hasn't yet featured in this blog. So i guess i owe the hypocrites one for their leader. Don't you think that the Vatican doubles up as a haven for a bunch of hypocrites?

Well, not all might agree with that but as far as the virtual world goes, there is no doubting that the Blogosphere is the safest haven for real life hypocrites ( Don't cringe mate, i ain't referring to you).

So coming back to the Pope, i happen to be more interested in his place of residence than in his "majesty". The thing about his P.O.R* is that recently a list of an additional seven new sins came out from there. In case you missed the movie Se7en *ing Brad Pitt, the existing list was something like this:-

a) Pride

a.k.a ego is what everyone's actually entitled to but some people bitten by hypocrisy refuse to acknowledge.

b) Envy

Common Name- Jealousy

Widespread among students

c) Gluttony

Holidays aren't the right time to be discussing this.

d) Lust

what's wrong with a healthy sexual appetite?? (oops)

e) Anger

It's better to explode than to implode !!

f) Greed

Well, greedy students get more marks

g) Sloth

The fact that laziness was even considered shows how much the people of the world are obsessed with the never ending urge to work.

The list has been somewhat extended and now also includes:-

1. "Bioethical" violations such as birth control

2. "Morally dubious" experiments such as stem cell research

3. Drug abuse

4. Polluting the environment

5. Contributing to widening divide between rich and poor

6. Excessive wealth

7. Creating poverty

The decision to include 1,2,3, and 6 isn't exactly ethical since they abuse an individual's moral right to do whatever he or she deems is best for him/her.
Here's another list for you:-

1. Watching movies via illegal downloads instead of going to a theater

2. Making a B-grade movie with A-list actors

3. Including a dog in every ad that you come up with

4. Giving the last over to a spinner in a crunch situation

5. Advocating terrible singers like Himesh

6. Reading blogs instead of writing

7. Blaming yourself for your downfalls

p.s:- I might explain the above 7 sins in a much more detailed manner in the next post. Could have done that right now, but my beloved Bangalore team's heading onto the field and i don't want to miss their game irrespective of how much they suck.

(maybe AB could have held on to that last ball catch)

Farcical Football Fracas

2008-05-02T10:47:00.000-07:00

All that i know regarding which team i support is that it ain't Arsenal. I had no questions over my loyalty couple of seasons ago when Solskjaer and Beckham were part of Manchester United. Their departure coinciding with the arrival of Xabi Alonso meant that i began watching more of Liverpool and less of Manchester United. With the arrival of Ballack, Chelsea too ceased to be a bitter foe.

So right now i am only averse to Arsenal and am very much a neutral when the other three tee off against each other. However if you were to force me into a tight situation i would go with Manchester United.

Post Match Talk/slang:-

"Li-ver-pool Li-ver-pool, kicking arse was never so cool"-> Rafa, after the trilogy against Arsenal

"There's no denying that all that we managed to do this season was to get our arse gunned down. Having said that, it was all down to us. The opposition had no part to play in it"-> Arsene Wenger in reply

"Manchester United were kicked in the Ballacks today" -> John Terry after their 2-1 win over the red devils

"I don't give a shit as to who our opposition will be"-> Sir Alex after reaching the Champions league final.

He was sighted pissing in his pants the next day when Chelsea came through.

Disclaimer:- You can't just go on writing about football without using slang. Well, actually you can but that wouldn't do justice to the standards set by the professional players.

My all time favorite football players:-

1) Ole Gunnar Solskjaer (have trouble spelling his name correctly though)

2) Xabi Alonso (give him more free kicks!!!)

3) David Beckham (irrespective of what you might say)

4) Michael Ballack (Chelsea ain't the team to be playing in)

5) Bojan Kirkic (won't support Barca though, no way)

p.s:- The order ain't random.

p.s:- You wouldn't be the first to discover that this post is utter rubbish. I beat you to that :)

Chi Chi Chelsea

2008-05-01T05:34:00.000-07:00

aaah crap, Chelsea won both the matches

p.s 1:-Judging by recent performances, Chelsea appear to have an edge over Man U and yesterday's victory over Liverpool will only add another edge to that edge.

p.s 2:- Avram Grant may well end up with a dubious distinction of being a manager to get fired irrespective of winning both the Champions league and the Premiership.

p.s 3:-Why can't Lampard score from penalties for England like he does for his beloved Chelsea?? A good way of preventing him from scoring a penalty might be to dangle an England shirt in front of him before he runs up to take a penalty.

p.s 4:- It was Ballack's penalty and he should have been given the opportunity to go for it. Another reason for Ballack to leave the club, i suppose.

p.s 5:- I was hoping that Liverpool could do a Bayern Munich, but sadly Xabi Alonso let Chelsea off the hook with that horrendous effort right after Cech had given them some hope. Had he put in a decent ball pandemonium would have ensued which could have led to that all important third goal. That would have not only kept Chelsea's unbeaten run at home intact but would also have sent Liverpool through to the final.

p.s 6:- In case you don't know, Bayern Munich had come from being 3-1 down at the end of the 1st ET to draw the away match at 3-3 and to level the tie at 4-4 to advance on away goals in the quarter finals in the UEFA cup.

p.s 7:- The identity of the opposition in that game is immaterial since no one remembers losers but the biggest loser of them all Abbandonzieri, deserves a mention for discovering a new low in goal keeping standards during the last 5 minutes of that tie.

p.s 8:- I ain't gonna make any predictions regarding the premiership and the UCL winners because all that i am sure of is of Avram Grant getting fired.

p.s 9:- Writing a post with the use of multiple p.s is such a pleasure.

p.s 10:- Have you downloaded Coldplay's latest single yet ?? or am i the only Coldplay sucker going around

p.s 11:- More on Coldplay later

p.s 12:- I ain't a gay

p.s 13:-All the Coldplay listeners were branded as gays in the movie, "40 year old virgin"

p.s 14:- Chelsea won, chi chi chi

p.s 15:- For non-telugu readers, "chi" is a word used to express mild disgust

Champions League

2008-04-24T08:30:00.000-07:00

The latest midweek midnight offerings of the champions league were all about mistakes and the biggest of them all was the presence of three premier league teams in the semi-finals. The premier league teams are surely the strongest in the world but considering the fact that their national team is the weakest, it is but a mistake that they be so dominating.

Premier League is supposedly the best league in the world and Manchester United is undeniably the best team in this league. So what the heck was yesterday's match all about ?

Considering the form of Barcelona, Manchester United should have quite easily won the match or at the least , should have dominated the proceedings. But what conspired was that they were not only reduced to counter attacking but were also forced to suffice with a meagre 35% ball possession. Add to that Ronaldo's penalty miss and what we get is a clear picture of Chokers.

Stats have it that Man Utd have been to the semifinals 9 times (prior to this year) but all that they have managed to do is to go down 7 of those times. So maybe yesterday's performance wasn't surprising after all.

Liverpool seem to be the only English team capable of rising to the occasion but they too have faltered (albeit temporarily) this time around. Riise surely rose to the occasion (but for the wrong team) and saw to it that the second leg wouldn't be a drab 0-0 draw, which would surely have been the case had Liverpool won 1-0.

Chelsea were once again lackluster all around except for maybe Michael Ballack who showed that he doesn't belong in that unimaginative team cumulated courtesy Russian currency. Chelsea surely don't deserve to win any silverware this season and i hope Liverpool and Man United do exactly that over the week.

Based on these two matches, Liverpool deserve to win the champios league.

Manchester United, on the other hand can end the season with just the premier league title.

Chelsea can happily get rid off Avram Grant citing a feasible reason.

Barcelona and Arsenal can continue playing their fancy football albeit unsuccessfully.

p.s:- IPL match between Mumbai and Chennai was much better than all this disappointing football.

Monkey Chronicles *ing Dud(e)

2008-04-22T08:11:00.000-07:00

"Leading a life governed only by the schedule of programs on TV" is what i am doing right now and thankfully, i ain't enjoying it.

Had i been enjoying it, i would have simply been a disgrace to myself. Having said that, just because not liking what you do doesn't let you escape from the fact that you are doing it in the first place. So, that implies that i still am a disgrace to myself. (How can one be a disgrace to self ??!!!. I currently have no idea, i shall make it a point to bring it up the day i come to know)

Some random online dictionary describes vacation as:-

1: a respite or a time of respite from something

2: a period of exemption from work granted to an employee

3: a period spent away from home or business in travel or recreation

It is high time that some of these terms are re-defined for sloths who keep slouching all over the world these days.

Let's analyze the discrepancies of the above definition when applied to sloths a.k.a couch potatoes a.k.a douche bags a.k.a bloggers a.k.a programmers ( the last two entries may not be ideal but nevertheless, they are worth a mention).

Analysis of the above defns:-

Definition 1:- A sloth only knows how to not do anything and vacations certainly don't provide respite from that activity. If anything, they further feed the sloth's appetite for inactivity.

Definition 2:- A sloth does no work and is moreover not an employee. He is the Boss and he hardly needs any exemption from work!!

Definition 3:- A sloth never steps out of his home during vacation. So this "period" is purely fictional.

There we go, all that rubbish nonsense effectively rules out the application of that definition to a sloth. Come to think of it, I don't know why i am speaking about sloths right now especially when i have got so much to do.

Dude:- hey sloth, wassup??

Dud:- Now, why would you call me something like that. Have you been reading my blog?

Dude:- Shut up douche bag. How dare you associate me with something as disgraceful as blogging?

Dud:- your choice of words is very singular, i must admit

Dude:- if you mean as opposed to plural, then yes it is.

Dud:- Now where did "plural" come from?$@@#@#! oh, never mind. Anyway, the one feeling which i get each each time a vacation's done is "where have all the days gone?"

Dude :- maybe you should begin your search by looking up your a** first. Too bad, it isn't as easy as Google search.

Dud:- What the heck? That was a sincere Query

Dude:- So here's a sincere Return. Stop thinking of "what was", just think about what is and what is to be

Dud:- Look who's talking. It's none other than the monkey who sold his ferrari

Dude:- LOL , up yours mate

IPL Talkies- Take 2

2008-04-21T06:11:00.000-07:00

"Each team can field only up to four overseas players". That restriction may not be so restricting for teams like Mumbai but when it comes to Bangalore, it is indeed a mighty selection head ache.

For Delhi:- They went in to their first match with McGrath, Vettori, Geeves and Maharoof. Their squad also comprises of Shoaib Malik, Mohd Asif, Dilshan and AB de Villiers. Based on their opening match performance, common sense would suggest that they replace Vettori and Geeves with Malik and Asif. This would leave them not only with a slightly under strength batting line up but would also leave AB on the bench :( .

For Bangalore:- They arguably have the toughest decisions to make. With the overseas squad comprising of Boucher, Kallis, Misbah, Cameron White, Chanderpaul, Steyn, Ross Taylor (and couple of other players), they are sure to have a whale of a time in picking their final XI.
I would want atleast 6 of those in my team at any point of time but.... that's not what's gonna happen. So my 4 would be Boucher, Misbah, Chanderpaul and a rotation policy b/w Taylor and Steyn.

As far as the other teams go, i have no issues about them.

IPL Talkies - Day 1

2008-04-19T02:33:00.000-07:00

Disclaimer:- It has been a long time since i've written a post and this one as a result is a bit rusty, but it surely takes the monkey off my back :)

Bangalore Royal Challengers, in reality, shouldn't be as tame as they were forced to look yesterday. They, in fact form a decent test outfit and possess the capabilities to turn the tables against any opposition (even in this format), provided the pitch assists bowling. The best way to bounce back would be to take advantage of their technical prowess, and what better way to do it than to play their home matches on seamer friendly tracks. This would not only give give Dale Steyn and company an opportunity to knock off the visitors for paltry totals but also Dravid and company some time to settle in.

These matches may then be termed as "non entertaining", but one really shouldn't mind as long as the home team keeps winning. If they continue to play their matches on such feather beds, things can only get worse (at least until Misbah and Chanderpaul join the team). The other factor which might hurt them is their stadium. The absence of big hitters amongst their ranks will prevent them from utilizing the short boundaries where as their opposition will have every opportunity to do otherwise.

Coming to the Kolkata Knight Riders, SRK should seriously consider changing his team's attire (which is anything but pleasant at the moment). They are at present, one of the three favorites to win the trophy (Hyderabad and Chennai being the other two). I personally want Delhi to do well as they have AB de Villiers in their team but having said that, one can only wonder about the number of matches he is gonna get to play because of the limit on the number of overseas players in the playing XI.

Brendon McCullum, as usual, excelled in the presence of short boundaries and keeping that in mind, he should consider moving away from Kolkata at the end of the season (as they play their home matches at Eden gardens which is.... not the smallest of stadiums) .

The non stop flow of ads (even in between the overs) is one reason why i have come to prefer football over cricket. So tonight, its gonna be BPL, not IPL (on my TV).

Crap available in all shapes 'n sizes

2008-03-08T07:02:00.000-08:00

Disclaimer :- Only for fans of Arctic Monkey (that implies for you as well :) )

Crap 1:-

I tend to fantasize every statement i make which at times completely ruins the total essence of the statement.

For instance, consider the following not so suitable example (but an example nevertheless)

Normal statement:- Ram goes to school

My crappy statement:- The weather's cool and Ram's cursing himself for having to go to school

Notice the not so subtle change? I tend to introduce things like that most of the time in order to make the statement look ..........different.

Crap 2:-

I have to submit a "short story" in a week's time and needless to say, the situation doesn't look bright.

Here are some professional reviews on the amateurish crap that i so prolifically* dish out :-

1) I use many expressions that are not supported and some which are unspecified

2) I ungrammatically separate the parts of sentences by using commas

Unfortunately for both you and me, i haven't got many of my writings reviewed. So i'm afraid i can't add anything more to that list .

Crap 3 :-

I searched rather futilely* for an earlier post where i had scrutinized my own writing. I have realized that the title of the post and the post have no bearing whatsoever on each other.

Crap 4 :-

If you had bothered to read my earlier predictions and then followed the corresponding results you must have noticed my unwavering accuracy :)

So that extraordinary strike rate has given me the incentive to make the following outrageous predictions in regard to the to-be draw :-

Manchester United vs Roma
Chelsea vs Liverpool

Schalke vs Fenerbahce

Arsenal vs Barcelona

Things can't get any more weirder (for now at least)

* i don't know if these words exist

UCL Predictions

2008-03-04T16:48:00.000-08:00

Writing a post every other day has become such a pain in parts i don't wanna explain. So i figured out that a better alternative would be to just shut up and comment on what others have to say/write.

This is in stark contrast to my earlier self when i would just write and write without ever bothering to read what others are up to. Looks like things have changed, but for good or bad, i can't say. Maybe the recipients of my comments will have something to say about that.

p.s 1:- It seems that i have a problem with commas!!, so please leave them out at your own convenience

p.s 2:- this post ain't long enuff to be a post. So here are my predictions for today's and tomorrow's matches

1) Man Utd to romp home against Lyon

2) Barcelona to do likewise against Celtic

3) Liverpool to hold on to their lucky lead (match's on 11th BTW)

4) Arsenal may go through or not depending on whether they score or not

5) Real Madrid to get knocked out by Roma

6) Chelsea to beat Olympiakos

It's 1:15 which means i'm gonna leave this thing abruptly

By the way, India truly kicked Oz in places which matter

Theories

2008-03-03T14:16:00.000-08:00

Aren't the members of the Opposition the luckiest people in the parliament ? All that they have to do is to find fault with the government's policies. What makes their job even more simpler is that, their criticisms needn't be funny (like that of a Jon Stewart or a Vir Das).

The simplicity of their job became even more evident in the way they responded to the finance budget. All that they had to say about the loan waiver was that, it had come too late. What kind of a retort is that ?%#^#*

All that the leader of the opposition had to say was, "the budget has communal overtones". Come on man, you seriously need to hire a person to help you sound smarter. Just having the Left party as a member of the ruling coalition doesn't mean that everything has to be oriented towards the left !!

The announcement of the waiver also led to the plunging of all bank stocks which was kinda surprising because such schemes will make the farmers borrow money from the banks instead of the money lenders and this only means more profit for banks (unless the government steps in, of course). Looks like the stock markets are as narrow-minded as the opposition party members.

News in Brief :-

Indian cricket had a rocking Sunday yesterday with both the seniors and juniors fighting hard to grab the head lines

Arsenal's title hopes are seen slipping away into the hands of Manchester united

Liverpool continues it's "neither here nor there" sort of run in the premiership

Real Madrid extends lead in La Liga to 5

Mourinho to take over at Camp Nou towards the end of the season and Lampard, Joe Cole might be heading over there

Suit Yourself

2008-02-26T13:34:00.000-08:00

I need to write something really interesting or controversial in the first two lines for the post to get noticed. So here's a post which tries to be both, albeit on a minute scale.

Here are some statements which might interest people

1) The "Felicity review dinner" was dinner unparallel`. The food served was so sumptuous and fulfilling that i didn't even need to eat Maggi later on, in my room.

2) Sachin scores yet another century .Crime rate goes up exponentially at the same time, as sinners were convinced that even God was busy watching the Little Master at work with his Bat.

3) Stats which specify the salaries you might be getting on graduation from this college and also, the number of female employees in each of your "Dream companies".

4) Jodha Akbar rakes in the moolah, irrespective of the various bans imposed.

Here are some statements which might piss people off:-

1) Felicity dinner leaves a lot to be desired. People of all batches hurry back to their respective messes to fulfill at least some of those desires.

2) Sachin fails again in the CB series. Dhoni calls for the inclusion of more youngsters at the top of the order. Sachin rubbishes Dhoni's remarks by proclaiming himself as a youngster.

3) ECE course to be scrapped due to the non availability of jobs which are in sync with the knowledge levels displayed by the ECE students and professors alike.

4) "Jodha Akbar" exposes Hrithik's shortcomings as an actor. 'Aam Junta' says it wanted Aishwarya Rai to be exposed, not Hrithik !!

Disclaimer :-

I know NOTHING about the Felicity Dinner. If you know something about it, please let the readers know which category it belongs to.

Guidance:-

Unparallel` is to be pronounced as a French word

Note from the Author :-

I had more fun writing the 'piss off' section

IPL bids -> bakwaas, me -> bakwaas(er) :)

2008-02-22T15:42:00.000-08:00

The IPL bids have once again shown how poor a cricketing nation we are. By poor, what i mean to say is that we don't know how to appreciate good cricket. All that we care about is our team and our players. The bids made truly reflected the status enjoyed by the Indian cricketers even if they are as defunct as a Mohammad Kaif or as a Suresh Raina.

The fact that Yusuf Pathan got more than Ricky Ponting is in itself a pointer to the lack of cricketing brains of the bidders. All that they kept thinking of was brand value, and if things continue to proceed in this manner, IPL may not attract good overseas players in the future. Foreign players may come to play once they retire but youngsters may prefer to go the Michael Clarke way.

The salaries which they get here may be higher when compared to that paid by their Boards but money doesn't have as big a power as ego has, and this is where the foreigners might feel humiliated. Fortunately, the foreigners have (so far) acted in a very diplomatic manner by only saying that "the bids were surprising". I am sure that they felt a lot more than that, when they came to know that Irfan Pathan's brother had out bid them.

To be out bid by Irfan is a humiliation enough but to be out bid by his brother ##$$#@%

p.s 1)- I have no personal grudge against the Pathans

p.s 2)- Dhoni deserves every penny he got

p.s 3)- For all the Indian fans out there, start learning to appreciate good cricket, irrespective of which country it comes from; the whole crowd goes silent instead of applauding when a non-Indian player plays a splendid stroke (except for perhaps the Bangalore crowd).

p.s 4)- I don't know how to use this ; thing

p.s 5)-Recently, i got so tired of spending all of my time with my laptop that i decided that "one of us" should go. But since, i am the one capable of thinking, i decided that the laptop should go (PJ of the day).

I am already beginning to regret the decision and am as a result, planning to get my lappy back by Monday. So expect to hear from me more often on topics more relevant than this.

p.s 6- Sorry for WASTING YOUR TIME BY MAKING THE SAME POINT OVER AND OVER AGAIN

p.s 7- caps lock got switched on by mistake in the above line, but i'm too lazy to delete that and type again

p.s 8- I swear there won't be any more p.s

p.s 9- what's the term for plural p.s ?

A briefer take on the brief take on felicity...... and "Blog Office" introduced

2008-02-14T16:50:00.000-08:00

Comments at last!! They may have branded me as a pussy and a sucker, but i ain't complaining. The post* was basically harmless with some mild dose of criticism. Actually, it had nothing in it to justify the success it has enjoyed at the blog office. I would say that your response has been more entertaining than the post itself.

The ball was set rolling by a person who called himself "god". What kind of a person calls himself god? For a mortal, the term "god" wouldn't mean anything, except perhaps dog when read backwards. Dog or god, he sure was more interested in having a go at me rather than justifying his contrary stance. He also seemed to be obsessed with pussies ( only god knows what they are :) )

It's not so surprising to see that the people who disagree with me are from the UG-2k5 batch. Well, they had worked pretty hard in the months (read weeks) leading up to felicity and as a result, were naturally inclined to support everything that had anything to do with Felicity. May be their judgment was clouded by their large scale involvement with the event.

Anyway, kudos to you organizers. I'm sure that only you people know what a pain in the a** it is to conduct such an event.

All time blog office hits:-

An ever so brief take on felicity	$200 m
A (B)ache trip to nowhere	$170 m
Some random Pictures	$166 m
Interview Blues - 1	$160 m
Slipping away	$148 m
Not another college bashing	$120 m
Bandwidth wars and a stupid poem	$118 m
A Movies List that ain't complete	$110 m
Better than what i've been writing	$98 m
Pen is........	$94 m

p.s :-I am relieved that no one has come out in support of the soundtrack

p.s 2:- I hope that god doesn't read this and even if he does, i hope he takes it in the right spirit

p.s 3:- If any of my thoughts invoke slang in you, please feel free to express them

Coming soon : Education Blues (in sync with the times)

An ever so brief take on felicity

2008-02-11T13:18:00.000-08:00

Disclaimer :- If you happen to be an organizer (Felicity) and are expecting to be showered with praise, then stop doing so, because this ain't just another "run of the mill" blog.

The disclaimer seemed prudent since 'praising the organizers' seems to be the flavor of the season.

Let me begin with the negatives (so typical of me)

1) Awards

If you hail from NIFT, then all that you have to do to win a prize is to simply participate in a event ! We then take it into our own hands and see to it that not even a single 'NIFT ki kudi' walks away empty handed.

2) Major Nights

They weren't worthy of their billing, both money and otherwise.

The Rock show didn't rock except for the few moshers up front. Last year's show was much better and the present rock scene(in our college) doesn't look so bright.

3) Soundtrack ( It may be the official soundtrack but has little or no bearing at all upon the event)

It sounds childish and......... i better not say more for the description can't get any better

Positives :-

You know all of them. So i guess, i can skip them.

My Participation (if you can call it that) :-

Took part in zombie zone. Got through the first round in FIFA, but didn't show up for the second round ( why?, not so sure i can share it with everyone) and also jumped about a bit, quite uncharacteristic of me.

Post Match Analysis

2008-02-07T16:13:00.000-08:00

England 2 Switzerland 1 read the scoreline, at the end of the match which was kinda flattering since the match deserved no goals. The English were largely responsible for the fiasco, caused due to their unsynchronized style of play.

Wes Brown was quite clearly the most embarrassing player present on the pitch accompanied with his innumerable amount of errors. Capello should see to put an early end to Brown's international career along with the likes of Paul Robinson.

Apart from Brown, Gerrard was the most disappointing courtesy his negative approach. He acted as a bottleneck for the English offense and indulged a lot in back passes. His only sensible contribution through out the match was his match clinching assist. Jenas brought along with him his recently acquired goal scoring run at Tottenham and was rewarded with his debut international goal.

David Bentley played in the position of David Beckham, and was overall a mixed bag. He doesn't have pace ala Wright Phillips or J Cole but has a bit more composure with the ball at his feet. Having said that, he can't cross the ball like Beckham. So Beckham might prove to be a better choice.

Capello did resort to some weird tactics like playing Crouch alone up front with Rooney playing as a winger. Speaking of Crouch, i think that he is the most under rated English footballer and is more often than not, criticized rather unfairly.

The public broadcaster announced Gerrard as the man of the match for reasons, incomprehensible. J Cole was by far, the best player on view, which made me wonder, as to which match the adjudicators were matching.

England's Friendly

2008-02-06T15:24:00.000-08:00

Fabio Capello has taken a bold yet, not so bright decision by dropping Beckham (and thereby denying him his 100th cap). It would have been more senseful had he dispensed with him after the friendly against Switzerland. That way Beckham would have got his 100th cap and moreover, Capello could easily have cited Beckham's age as a factor for selection before the next international assignment, which happens to be the world cup qualifiers starting in September.

Capello said that Beckham's lack of match practice brought about his downfall but having said that, he did train with the Arsenal reserve team for about a month. He should have in fact, been rewarded for taking a break from his pop star life.

Rumor has it that Wayne Rooney and Joe Cole will be starting up front, which is kinda surprising since Michael Owen has more often than not, managed to score whilst playing for England.

To tell the truth, Switzerland ain't the best of teams and England should win hands down, no matter the team's combination.

Prediction:-

The senior team to follow in the footsteps of their juniors who beat Republic of Ireland 3-0 (yesterday)

Good ol' days

2008-02-04T15:53:00.000-08:00

This is the longest break that i have ever taken between two posts. May be, i showed you guys a lot more consideration than you deserve by regulating the contents of the blog (and thereby narrowing down my choices). Earlier on, i would have written whatever i wished to, but these days i no longer do that. Ain't that sad?

I have to say that i would prefer these on any day as compared to the dud(e) shit.

http://rauldegr8.wordpress.com/2007/12/04/oh-no-ive-lost-my-humility/

http://rauldegr8.wordpress.com/2007/10/27/it-doesnt-concern-you/

http://rauldegr8.wordpress.com/2007/09/04/on-the-verge-of-loosing-it/

http://rauldegr8.wordpress.com/2007/08/18/thou-shalt-be-criticised-execise-caution/

http://rauldegr8.wordpress.com/2007/07/15/pollution/

I wouldn't like to spoil the moment by saying anything more

Some random Pictures

2008-01-24T14:10:00.000-08:00

Dud -> "A picture is worth thousand words" said a crazy little man who didn't understand the power of words

Dude -> Leave the little man alone, man. Just tell me what's bothering you

Dud -> i don't think that a picture is worth a thousand words

Dude -> oh, do you mean to say that it's worth 866 words

Dud -> cut the crap buddy

Dude-> don't you see how much easier it would be if you could just put a picture instead of a thousand, sorry 866 words

Dud -> oh yeah ? show me

Dude -> just stand back and look at the way i fill up this post using pictures instead of the tiresome words

that's the display picture

that's just a good picture

that's a picture of an Ipod and i do spend a lot of time updating mine

that's AB de Villiers

Dud -> what the heck are you doing? the pictures don't make any sense

Dude-> does everything have to make sense? half of what you write doesn't make any, and moreover it's my day off

you may have heard about them, but you might not have seen them, they are the "Arctic Monkeys"

that's your Australian open women's champion in two days time

those two won't be playing the final but the one on the left should be pretty confident going into tomorrow's match

Dude-> what's the problem of this sulky net. I would have uploaded more had it been a bit more co-operative

Dud-> never mind

Dude-> will i be able to do this again ?

Dud -> I certainly hope not

Disclaimer:-

The characters Dud and Dude are protected under the copyright act and are thereby, restricted to appear within this blog

A.O, Oscars and Razzies

2008-01-23T13:14:00.000-08:00

Part 1:- Australian Open

The Australian open has yet again paved the way for an outsider to reach the men's final . First, it was Baghdatis, then Gonzalez and now Tsonga. While one finalist has been a surprise, the other one has unsurprisingly been the same. Looks like the Swiss guy doesn't know any path other than the road to the final. His domination has been such that he deserves not to lose to any player except, maybe to Marat and Djokovic*.

The women's singles, on the other hand has fortunately not been a one (wo)man show and has, in fact done very well by sending three glamor girls into the last four.

Part 2:- Oscar nominations

Best Picture ->I have watched only two of the five films nominated and i would say that neither of them deserves to be alongside movies like American Beauty, Crash, The Departed and some of the rest.

Best Actor ->I only watched one of them and i must say that except for his naked fight, he has managed to do nothing.

Best Supporting Actor -> Saw two of them, and was impressed by both. Having said that, one of them owes it to his dialogues and the other to his role.

Best Actress -> Could see only one and was surprised that the nomination has gone her way, considering the normal tradition wherein conventional roles aren't recognized.

Supporting Actress -> I didn't notice either of the two in their respective movies (so, WTF)

Part 3 :- Razzies

No razzies ceremony is complete without Lindsay Lohan, and that is precisely what's happened again. I was afraid that the gay movie would go unnoticed but thankfully it hasn't. Our LAN has in fac,t more of these movies than the Oscar ones.

Actors worth mentioning would be

1) Nicolas Cage - got nominated for the worst actor not once, not twice but thrice (Ghost Rider , National Treasure: Book of Secrets and Next)

2) Jessica Alba - Not far behind (Awake , Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer and Good Luck Chuck)

3)Lindsay Lohan:- was nominated twice for each of the dual role she played in I Know Who Killed Me.

Guide to above:-

1) Juno, No country for old men

2) Viggo Mortensen a.k.a Aragorn

3) Phillip Seymour Hoffman, Javier Bardem

4) Ellen Page

5) Ruby Dee, Amy Ryan

the gay movie - "I now pronounce you Chuck and Larry"

*Djokovic, as you might recall is allegedly Marat with a brain

Literature + 20K

2008-01-22T15:02:00.000-08:00

"Strike 3 and.... out"and that relieves me of all the bunking privileges i had in the matter of a course named "Language Programming" which by the way is the technical term for an elective (allegedly) dealing with 'English Literature' in our University (college, they say, ain't the right term to be used for our institution(an institution is by the way not the right term either as the term's mainly related with mental disorders)). That basically sums up the opening statement and also the things that i have learned thus far in the aforementioned course.

Think the above passage is cumbersome ? wait until you read some of the 'hand-outs' we receive in the course. The one's with the name of Rudyard Kipling are typically the icing on the cake in such matters.

Now that i can't bunk anymore, i can dispense the big decision making process that i go through before every Literature class. "To go or not to go" has plagued me many a time and on each occasion i had to do a Hamlet which ain't exactly a joyride.

Speaking of joy, i do have a reason to feel that way, since i've got the Prathiba scholarship (which ain't concerned with merit) which hands over 20,000 for each of the year one spends in engineering (you just have to show that you are a resident of A.P with an annual income of less than 1 lakh, which happens to be the case with every non-government employee :) ). Sadly, one has to renew this every year and i being me, haven't done so. What this means is that it's gonna be a one time offer only.

Anyway, now arises the question spending it. I could indulge it in community service by buying an external hard disk and also in....................................... i would love to add more but my unhealthy CG doesn't permit me to make any more demands:(

"The joy of giving is indeed a pleasure, especially when you get rid of something you don't want"

"So today's assignment would be to link the above phrase with the passage. I don't even know if i will remember to collect the assignments. I am usually busy climbing up different varieties of trees with a digital camera in one hand and a mile long sinister smile on the other hand"

Disclaimers :-

No offenses were intended during the making of the post and the views expressed towards the end aren't exactly personal

There shall be a dramatic improvement in your understanding if you are a student of the course mentioned

Literature and 20K can't be added

Acknowledgements :-

Govt. of A.P

Professus anglican Linnean

Frank Butler

Tennis season's here

2008-01-16T14:05:00.000-08:00

This year has certainly kicked off on a bright note with all the extended week-ends putting up a strong contribution towards the cause (which is better served if not mentioned). All that i wanted to say above was (that) , extended week-ends are good for watching live sporting action on a T.V not surrounded by insane Indian fans.

Moving on (thankfully for you), a grand slam event has come about and with it has brought a feeling that Tennis is the best thing to happen on T.V. Having said that, i have to warn you that i feel the same way about some of the other sports as well :( or :) !!??

Rumour has it that Djokovic is the new Safin, albeit with a brain (read temper) . I don't think Safin would be too offended with the comparison, since the Serbian bloke comes with a sense of humor and more importantly, with a large fan base of squealing girls. I don't know about you people, but i certainly prefer watching a ladies match to that of a men's match due to the fact that they are a much shorter affair and also, because of the obvious fact.

Players/ladies i like watching on the court :-

1) Daniela Hantuchova (was supposed to be the next Kournikova but was soon forgotten due to her incapabilities on the court and Sharapova's capabilities off it)

2) Nicole Vaidisova (wasn't an instant hit but got used to with time)

3) Yaroslava Shvedova ( saw her for the first time with a strapped thigh accompanying her aggressive style and ....... need i say more)

4) Maria Sharapova (Her game's too damn slow and noisy but has something else too)

5) Ana Ivanovic ( A star on rise ?, have to take a closed look :) )

Safin will face Baghdatis tomorrow but sadly, i don't think i will get an opportunity to be a witness to the slaughter.

Disclaimer:-

I am finding it difficult to mention the fact that i am moving on to a different topic. i am tired of using the same phrases like "moving on", "speaking of which", "having said that" etc..

So please help me out (i care, irrespective of you caring or not)

A Movies List that ain't complete

2008-01-10T15:57:00.000-08:00

Had the anonymous comment not come in my way, i would have continued with my "face book" explorations. Anyway, now that i'm here, i would like to write about some Hollywood movies of the past season.

1) No Country for Old Men

If you ask me, the movie ain't worth the critic's billing. The movie's as dry as the terrain depicted in it

2) Knocked Up

My favorite comedy of the (past) year. A bit vulgar may be, but who cares as long as there's something to laugh at

3) Bourne Ultimatum

A movie starring Matt Damon is always a hit with me and this one's no exception. More action than in any Bourne flick. Maybe Jason Bourne ought to replace James Bond

4) I am Legend

Ain't legendary by any yardstick!

5) American Gangster

Godfather vs. smart cop = Entertainment

6) 3:10 to Yuma

A cow boy film is always welcome and this one certainly is (have to admit that it ended in a weird manner, though)

7) Beowulf

Watched it in 3d and was tired by the time it ended

8) Ratatouille

Pixar always delivers and has managed to do so once more (not their best though)

9) Superbad

Was supposed to be good, but all that i could find was average stuff

10) Deathproof

You may not refer it to your friend, but that doesn't mean you didn't enjoy it

P.S:- I have skipped many movies, which i might add later.

Some of the movies that couldn't be mentioned because of my lack of viewership are

Enchanted, Juno, Michael Clayton

I watched others but i guess i'm feeling a bit too lazy to write anymore

Acknowledgements:-

The anonymous guy

Everyone associated with Hollywood

Ind Vs Aus - a neutral's viewpoint

2008-01-08T14:58:00.000-08:00

This post has been due for quite some time but i had to hold it back fearing the backlash of some extremely irate Indian cricket fans. Before i begin, i would like to vent my ire on the nonsensical Indian media which does nothing save sensationalization. WTF were they thinking, going for head-lines like "India c Benson b Bucknor". The head-line could have been excused had it mentioned below "last wicket:- Editor c&b quick-buck (FOW -prior to publication) ". The electronic media wasn't far behind either. They were busy interviewing Harbhajan's mom and Ganguly's grandpa :( .

I do agree that India were hard done by umpiring decisions but the decision to react in the way that they have is even more flawed. The Indian media had no right whatsoever, to term the Aussies "cheats" for playing tough cricket. The Aussies aren't to be blamed for their good fortune! Clarke's catch might have been dubious but i remember an even more dubious occasion when Dhoni claimed (successfully) to have caught a catch, when replays showed that it was surely a bump ball. The batsman sadly, took Dhoni's word and silently walked away. Most of you must have forgotten the incident because the media took great care not to point out the obvious fact (that MSD and co had cheated).

I wonder about whom Kumble was speaking about when he said " only one team played with the spirit of the game". As far as i could see, one team was riding it's luck rather skillfully where as the other was sulking at it's misfortunes and whining about the umpiring. The law of nature states that better teams always get the benefit of the doubt no matter how just or unjust it might be. It is quite clearly evident in football where the underdog never gets a close decision in it's favor when it comes to penalties and offsides (which lead to goals).

"Team India" should not even think of returning, just because of the injustice meted out to them by the officials. They should be big enough to accept that it's just an unwanted part of the game which will not go away as long as you play as an underdog. In order to beat a champion, you need to beat the bad decisions as well.

p.s 1:- It's really unfortunate that people sway to the tunes of the media without any apprehension. It's high time they realized that the media is just a capitalistic whore which will stoop down to any level, just to get that extra hit.

p.s 2:- Ganguly's grandpa is a fictitious inclusion

Not another college bashing

2008-01-04T15:07:00.000-08:00

This college claims to "encourage the students to get involved with R&D as soon as possible". Truth be told, i've never held research in such contempt as i hold it today. I was in total ignorance regarding the technical stuff before i joined this college and i have to admit, that it was better that way. No wonder they say "Ignorance is bliss". Maybe i should team up with Justin Timberlake and 50 Cent and sing along " Ayo, i'm tired of using Technology ".

Having said that, this college did inspire me to take up research, but in an all together different field. The field in concern , happens to be the "English Language". What else can explain my tryst with Poetry and Shakespeare? I never thought that i would ever read poetry to while away the time (which is the case at present :( ).

During these recent research expeditions through the English language (which by the way are sponsored by this college), i managed to unearth a poem which might have been passed off as one of my own had it been written using the modern slang. So, this is what my poems would have looked like, had i taken birth in 1652.

How vain a thing is man whom toys delight,

and shadows fright !

variety of impertinence

might give our dotage some pretence;

but to a circle bound

we toil in a dull round

we sit,eat, move and drink

we dress, undress, discourse and think

by the same passions hurried on

imposing, or imposed upon.

we pass the time in sport or toil

we plough the seas, or safer soil

thus all that we project and do,

we did it many a year ago.

we travel still a beaten way

and yet how eager we rise to pursue

the affairs of each returning day,

as if its entertainments were surprising all and new.

Nice poem huh, it certainly inspired me to share it with you people :) . Speaking of R&D, i've certainly done a bit of research but as for the development it's up for you to decide.

Acknowledgements :-

My college, Nahum Tate and you people.

Nothing's new except for the year

2008-01-02T14:15:00.000-08:00

The New year day which fortunately occurs only once every 365 days is sort of like the little children who go around every home during Halloween shouting "Trickle treat". The children get candy in return where as the new year is gifted with some resolutions which are more often than not, postponed to the next year within a week. Struggling to comprehend the comparison ? you better be, otherwise chances are that you might be just as crazy as me.

Crazy or not, everyone manages to come up with a crazy list and here's mine

1) To go to P.T regularly in the morning

2) To spend more time in front of the T.V rather than in front of the lap-top

3) To not make a resolution pertaining to studies as it would be purely academical

4) To not follow the first resolution

5) To make such lists lengthier and more sensical*

Those mentioned above aren't exactly "resolutions", but i had to give the poor new year something for turning up.

Forgetting the Chinese calendar and it's associated animals, this year happens to be the "Year of Euro" and to a lesser extent, the "Year of Olympics". The Chinese, by the way, have put in a lot of effort, and in the process, have lost quite a bit of sense due to these "games". When will they ever realize that these games are watched principally by only four countries* and (more importantly) that the most populous country of the world gets to see it on a channel which no one ever bothers to bother with. The Chinese have become so obsessed with the event that they were singing "we are ready" whilst holding the olympic flag on the new year eve.

However, here's what i want to see happening in the sporting world this year

1) Manchester United to win the UCL along with the EPL/BPL*

2) South Africa to beat India in India

3) Spain to win the Euro

4) China to out tally the Americans in the olympics

Disclaimer:-

I don't support either Spain or China

*Clarifications\Elaborations:-

The 4 countries happen to be US of A, China, Russia and Australia. (In case you dis-agree, i am sure your country is geographically too small to consider :) and by the way, Canada doesn't count)

How much more nonsensical can the English get?, the word nonsensical exists whereas the word sensical doesn't [citation needed].

I consider India to be the most populous country. The Chinese are usually so competitive in everything they do, that they wouldn't even mind adding a billion or 2 to their total.

Man Utd to win the EPL, courtesy of a Arsenal screw up on the final day.

My blog + your time = time wasted

2007-12-21T10:15:00.000-08:00

Don't you ever get sick of time?, it's there all the time but more often than not, leaves us behind in a big load of trouble. The best way to get rid of this timeless menace would be to either stick with it or to just lose count of it. The latter method though, can get you nowhere and is moreover only implementable when you get yourself a jail term. The most unique thing about time is that it just keeps going and going and going, and if i keep going, i guess you will be going.

Anyway, i thought of writing something about the Crusades having watched "The Kingdom Of Heaven" the other day. The fact that i watched this movie after such a long time is in itself a testimony to it's box office reception. However, i would place it alongside Ridley Scott's 'best' movies like "Gladiator" and "American Gangster". Maybe the critics would have thought likewise had Russell Crowe played the leading role in this one as well, instead of the placid Orlando Bloom.

Crusades as you might know, were fought by Christian fanatics to plunder wealth and resources from the Muslims in the name of god. Such crusades exist even today, though the way in which the plundering is done has become much more organized. These modern day crusades are carried on by a certain Mr.Bush against the countries in the middle east in the name of democracy.The modern day crusades, thus initiated by Bush have evolved to become a world wide phenomenon wherein the people of one ethnicity view the others with apprehension.

Luckily, it hasn't snowballed into a major war mainly because of the incapabilities of the middle east countries to wage a serious war and also because of the "respect" other countries have for the USA. Had any other country committed such atrocities against the middle east, half of the world would have been screaming foul, including India. Apart from Russia, no other country seems to have a dick big enough to stand up against USA.

Having said that, India does seem to be doing it's own lil bit to weaken the USA by exporting as many Indians as possible. In this way, even the USA is bound to become inefficient and end up like "just another country with a glorious past".

P.S:-

The time you enjoy wasting, is not wasted time. So don't sit and cry about the time you "wasted".

Acknowledgements:-

Punchagan, Ridley Scott, Bush, GRE aspirants and time

Coming soon:-

Round up of today's champions league draw

A collection of worthless passages make this one....Worth a skip

2007-12-18T07:53:00.000-08:00

Today might be Tuesday but i am writing about Monday because it happens to occur only once a week where as Tuesday is just another day of the week, just like Monday. Actually there isn't much of a difference between the two days apart from the fact that one of them always occurs before the other.

The above passage would have been my entry for the "Worst Opening Passage" competition held by Reader's Digest in the past month. Unfortunately, i came to know about it only after the results were announced and thus the presence. Anyway you can find the winner in this month's edition or even better, you can find it right here, right now.

Gerald began--but was interrupted by a piercing whistle which cost him ten percent of his hearing permanently, as it did everyone else in a ten-mile radius of the eruption, not that it mattered much because for them "permanently" meant the next ten minutes or so until buried by searing lava or suffocated by choking ash--to pee.

(By the way, i write these, days of the week with a capital letter to avoid this text editor's ire which is the case otherwise)

Let's talk about Monday now. It is the day on which i wake the earliest, for i am at home and i have to attend a class at 10:00 in the college. I usually wake up at around 8:00 and then, promptly turn on the T.V to watch VH1's " good morning"/ breakfast segment which is worth a watch as it features the latest music videos.

However, the most noticeable difference between Mondays and the other days of the week happens to be my increased affinity for the bathroom/john/loo/powder room on this particular day. I had earlier thought that this phenomenon was the consequence of my diet on sunday which predominantly comprises of non-veg items. However, this time around my woes have continued well in to Tuesday. It's kind of surprising because i had skipped the customary non-veg meal this week-end.

So, what this proves is that non-veg items aren't the ones to be blamed, instead my whole appetite on week-ends, is. The actual reason as i see, happens to be that, i eat very less on week-days in college that my digestive tract has become incapable of digesting all the thrash i dump down it during the week-end, having got acclamatized to the scant intake on the other days . So that solves the mystery of "Monday Motions Mania". ( Guess this one would've made a better entry :) )

Speaking of toilets, i happen to recollect an inscription inside a toilet of a train which went something like:-

duniya pahunch gayi hai chand par

aur thu khada hai yahain, apna ....... pakadkar

Disclaimer:-

In case you are thinking of banging your head after reading this, that too is worth a skip :) .

Not the brightest sporting Sunday

2007-12-17T11:20:00.000-08:00

AC Milan beat Boca to win the FIFA world club title, Manchester United beat Liverpool to go on to the top of the Premier League, albeit for a couple of hours, and Arsenal beat Chelsea to regain their position at the top. What's wrong with all these clubs, beating each other up. (That, my dear friends is the PJ of the day)

'Yesterday' had a plenty of potential to turn into a great sporting day but all those hopes petered out on the TV screen as the day dragged on. The rot was set rolling with the non-match between Australia and New Zealand, and a mis match between AC Milan and Boca (who) later in the afternoon. The match might have been entertaining, but it certainly couldn't keep me hooked once the fourth goal went in. The absence of Riquelme was quite a deterrent and the presence of Inzaghi as the striker up front wasn't much help either.

The big games which followed in the evening were tightly contested affairs. They were so tight that there was no room for entertainment which by the way isn't about mid-field scuffles. Considering the matches, a draw would have been a fair result in both the games. Having said that, football is an uncompromising game which kicks you in the gut if you don't stay on top or rather don't jump high enough, just as Petr Cech found out.

The day was rescued to a certain extent courtesy Dale Steyn, whose bowling of late, has become a pure joy to watch. Those four wicket taking deliveries, certainly went a long way in cushioning the blow delivered (to the South African supporters) by their own batsmen earlier in the night.

There was also the small matter of ICL over on Zee, where Cairns let one and all (including his team) down to hand over the inaugural cup to Chennai Superstars .

The coming Sunday doesn't have many events but it does feature a clash between Real Madrid and a Messi-less Barcelona, late into the night.

Dud -> wouldn't that be monday

Dude -> did you invent the days of the week ?

Interview blues- 2

2007-12-14T16:18:00.000-08:00

In the News:-

1) Liverpool through to the next round, to face Man Utd next

2) My friend NKC, does something to enable me getting live cricket scores every 10 minutes on my cell (for free)

3) Nishanth Reddy proves that he is the champ of IIIT, yet again (yawn people).

4) My system crashes for the 2nd time in the month.

5) Arsenal and Chelsea are also through, but no one knows with what.

6) News just in, Fabio Capello has agreed to become England's coach. Fan's express horror over his decision.

Let's go back to the interview............

me/teacher-> So let's pick up where we left off so unceremoniously the last time around.

h-> Given the investment our company will make in hiring and training you, can you give us a reason to hire you?

dude -> i ain't a taxi to be hired

h -> excuse me

dude -> please... go ahead

h (sighs)-> Which college classes or subjects did you like best? Why?

dude-> I have three lines for you

"oh pain, oh pain

those classes were a big pain

in parts i wouldn't want to explain"

h -> i'm pleased with your decision to not explain

dude -> don't i make sound judgements

h-> I am the one to ask questions around here

dude -> you are so insecure. Aren't you?

h (clears his throat)-> Do you think that your grades are a indication of your academic achievement?

dude -> hell yeah, otherwise you wouldn't even sit here interviewing me

h -> Tell me what you know about our company.

dude -> I would like to quote from " The Departed", with your permission of course

h-> does that have anything to do with my question

dude-> yeah

h(yawns) -> ok, go ahead

dude-> If i had any idea about what you were doing, you would all be just fu**ing c***s, do you mean to say that you are all c***(the singular form of the 'c' word rhymes with James Blunt)

h->I'm sorry, i couldn't quite get you

dude-> you would really be sorry if you got me

h-> Do you have a geographic preference?

dude -> i am a geek for god's sake. don't ask me geography

h-> Do you think you might like to live in the community in which our company is located?

dude-> no problem man, i will join your community right away. Is it in facebox or orkut, I personally prefer........

h (interrupts) -> neither

dude -> oh, i see not

h-> Describe a situation where others you were working with on a project disagreed with your ideas. What did you do?

dude -> simple mate, i tagged along with them. Team work's essential you see

h-> Tell of a time when you worked with a colleague who was not completing his or her share of the work. Who, if anyone, did you tell or talk to about it? Did the manager take any steps to correct your colleague? Did you agree or disagree with the manager's actions?

dude-> Most of the time, that person was me. I guess you should ask my friends that question

h-> What suggestions do you have for our organization?

dude-> i have one, but i would prefer to say that after i get enrolled in your organization

me /teacher-> that's it for today.I have a small assignment for you

students-> is it to find out the 'c' word?

me ->no

students -> ohhhhhh

me-> write down the suggestion which dude has for his organization

students -> but sir, he is so dumb and we are so smart

me -> yeah right, you can say that again

Disclaimer:-

The quote from Departed wasn't censored while being screened in our Indian theatres.

I've been considerate :)

Liverpool do face Man Utd tomorrow, but in a different tournament.

Interview Blues - 1

2007-12-11T15:39:00.000-08:00

At long last December has arrived and has brought with it a sense of purpose into the lives of some of us . I, by the way ain't one of "us" for i am still quite immature, incapable, irresponsible and thereby indifferent to the demands of the professional world. Anyway, this happens to be the month of interviews, formal attires, no satires and lots of other things which i don't know about :( .

So, let us quickly move on to things i know about and try to work our way from there (don't i sound like your teacher)

Let me illustrate a not so typical interview

The victims 'Dud(e)' walk in to be interviewed by Mr.H

scene 1 :- (skip on to scene 2, if short on time)

h- please be seated

dude- of course dude, the last thing i need is to stand through this torture

dud- thank you sir

(Dud stifles a yawn, dude yawns)

h- what are u doing

dud- oh, nothing sir

dude- just wanted you to know how i really feel about you and your company

h- that was a yawn, wasn't it ?

dud- i was so excited (yawns..... again) about this opportunity that i could hardly sleep

dude- what else can it be Einstein? does it look like i am opening my mouth asking to be fed

[Guess it would be more simpler for both you and me if Dud were eliminated, so..]

scene 2:-

h -> How would you describe yourself?

dude -> i am the type of person your boss asked you to stay away from

h -> What specific goals, including those related to your occupation, have you established for your life?

dude -> to skip as many jobs as possible, the buck stops only where there are more bucks

h -> How has your college experience prepared you for a business career?

dude ->it has taught me virtually nothing, so i guess you have my whole gray matter to work upon, more resources you see

h -> Please describe the ideal job for you following graduation

dude -> i haven't come across any ideal job as such, have you?

h -> What influenced you to choose this career?

dude -> money of course

h -> At what point did you choose this career?

dude -> well, it was certainly before i met you

h -> What specific goals have you established for your career?

dude -> haven't you asked this already

h -> What do you think it takes to be successful in this career?

dude -> go and ask your boss !!, aren't you ashamed to ask your sub-ordinates

h -> How do you determine or evaluate success? Give me an example of one of your successful accomplishments.

dude -> it all depends on the bank balance at the end of the day. I have managed to keep a straight face so far and that's an accomplishment in itself

h-> Do you have the qualifications and personal characteristics necessary for success in your chosen career?

dude -> you wouldn't have invited me otherwise, would you?

h -> If you could do so, how would you plan your college career differently?

dude-> as far as i can see, this college has only been useful as a meeting place, so i guess i would have rented this same room some 4 years ago to organize a meeting with your highness.

h -> Would you describe yourself as goal-driven?

me (interfering)-> i guess time's up, so see you all tomorrow

ps:-

The dud(e) character has been adopted from my earlier post "Confessions of an insecure dud(e)". You might well want to get acquainted with the characters.

I guess this series will drag on for a couple more days. In case of any boredom, do feel free to intimate me

Bandwidth wars and a stupid poem

2007-12-06T14:35:00.000-08:00

The most amusing thing happening on DC++ these days, is the on going tussle for downloading rights between a well established regime and a not so well organized gang of debutants. The problem with the freshmen happens to be that, they are disinclined to everything good and moreover, when reminded of their problematic virtue, they tend to resort to silly mud slinging.

I personally ain't against the addition of new movies (irrespective of how bad they are), but the current administration does have quite a few good reasons to justify the continuity of their dictatorship regime.

1) They keep the interests of the citizens in mind and act cordially.

2) They are open to special requests and in certain cases do fulfill them.

3) The bandwidth ain't wide enough to accommodate two regimes simultaneously.

So on this note, let us all scream aloud "Long live the present DC regime".

p.s:- The implication of the above phrase may be good for us, but what it means for them is that they should stay in the college for a long time (which hopefully ain't their aim).

If poetry was all about rhyming
this is what we would be getting

"A non-Poetic Poetic Massacre"

itz boring
and the irregular power ain't helping
which keeps the wi-fi stuttering
and me cursing

itz boring
and i lie here waiting
for my friends who ain't responding
but i can't go on blaming
for i am now realizing
that GTalk ain't perfectly working

i can thus go on writing
but fortunately it ain't to my liking
so go away smiling
before a change of mind comes calling

Oh NO, i've lost my Humility

2007-12-04T13:35:00.000-08:00

I can't quite comprehend why people consider education necessary. As far as i am concerned, the only advantage you can get from learning how to read, is the ability to read my blog. Fortunately for you people, you needn't be rocket scientists to understand it. Having said that, i do have serious doubts regarding your comprehension skills for i rarely get back any comments.

Don't even think of saying that my posts don't deserve any, for i am quite sure that these are the most meaningful pieces of **** you have read since kindergarten (assuming that you learned how to read, in kindergarten). Anyway, you should be counting your lucky stars for getting an opportunity to read this post, for such opportunities are classified under the category of "Endangered species".

This post by the way happens to be the brain-child of a brain having no ideas on which to write about. So in case, your brain ( i seriously doubt it's existence though) has any ideas, do feel free to convey them to me so that i can make their meaning less lives a bit more.............................................meaning less (humility's back baby!!).

Looks like i can't tread this path for long. So, so long my friends, see you on the other side of this bridge (which btw tries to separate those with humility from those who don't).

Not a Fair Draw

2007-12-03T10:41:00.000-08:00

For all of you Manchester United fans out there, this doesn't refer to your club's third round away draw against Aston Villa in the FA cup. This in in reference to the even more lopsided UEFA draw concerning the EURO. Disagree with me?, then what kind of groups are these.....

Group A:-

Switzerland, Turkey, Portugal and the Czechs

If everything goes according to the script, Portugal and Czechs should ease into the next round with Portugal topping the group. Czechs have always been the dark horses in such tournaments but they have rarely justified their billing.

Group B:-

Austria, Poland, Croatia and the Germans

The Germans should really be thankful for whomever they pray, for getting such an easy draw. Their draw looks as if the organizers gave in to the demands of a football following Hitler. Croatia may sneak in to the next round from this group.

The above groups are quite clearly the easy ones designed to accommodate the host nations.

Group C :-

Romania, Holland, France and Italy

May be Mussolini couldn't intimidate the organizers enough for this group is quite clearly the "Group Of Death". Romania should consider themselves unlucky for getting such a draw after having played out of their Black sea drenched skins to top their qualifying group.

Holland will once again come a cropper in the tournament and will crash out behind the French and the Azurri.

Group D:-

Russia, Sweden, Greece and Spain

The defending champs will again have to get into their giant killing shoes if they are to even progress into the next round for they don't exude confidence expected from defending champions. They are kinda like India and 20-20.

Come June 08 and we will be spectators to some weird results especially in connection with the hosts. Football has a long standing tradition of home nations going berserk in big tournaments and this may well turn out to be just a family tradition.

Better than what i've been writing

2007-11-27T15:50:00.000-08:00

The biggest regret i have regarding the batch trip is not that i was a part of it, but the things it made me miss out upon. I was ready to sacrifice my weekly dose of "News on the loose" but i was surely not ready to miss out upon two back to back man of the match performances by AB de Villiers. But as it turned out, de Villiers not only delivered perfect play on the pitch but also managed to send me a feeling of regret via post (why post?, there was no cellular network in the distant hills) .

I btw brought up AB only because i was afraid you would die under the load of the statistical debris of what is called Sachin without even knowing the name of this exciting talent.

Moving on, it's been quite long since the new sem has begun and it has taken me all this while to select a proper elective for myself. I have so far actively participated in all the three (or two, depends on the way you look) add/drop online routines. What this active participation meant that i have had the opportunity to jump courses at will after a test period of one week (much like Barney's lemon law). Anyway these are the courses which i tried as an elective (read alternative).

1) Molecular Architecture:- After reading the generously prolonged over view, i decided to opt for this course even though there were only 5 precedents. But after turning up for the lecture, i was pleasantly distraught to see that there were only 3 of us. The next time around there were only 2 of us and i decided to give the course a cold finger* myself.

2) Religion and culture and .........(i don't know):- There were 120 of us and i somehow managed to miss both of the classes held during our week long association.

3) Read on a bit more

In came a mail, preceding the D-day saying that only 75 members could be enrolled for the afore mentioned course and also that Molecular Architecture had passed away with 10 members on board. Having seen the growth control program, i decided to jump the religion plank as i had already run out of half the ammunition*. So i opted for English Literature which at present stands afloat with a bench strength of 19.

I am yet to attend a class of this course, so we will have to wait and see how it goes.

A guide to the above post:-

Cold finger-> a pun on cold shoulder subject to the meaning of pun as i am myself not sure what a pun means.

Ammunition-> We have only 4 reprievals per sem and i had already utilized 2 in the first week itself.

Blog state:-

The turn out for the previous post was far more than it actually deserved. It was kind of a 'masala' post but this one here is certainly better than the previous one. So i shall wait and watch out for this one's reception at the blog-office.

Errata:-

I can't even begin to comprehend how i got mixed up with "the week that wasn't" and "news on the loose". Cyrus doesn't even have a chance against Vir Das.

A (B)ache trip to nowhere

2007-11-26T16:02:00.000-08:00

I would like to start on a bright note, for i am afraid this post is only going to go down hill from there on, as it will try to deal with some not so perfect happenings. The bright note happens to be that i had no intention of writing about all that which happened or didn't happen on the tour.

The reasons being :-

1) I don't usually write about things which are boring.

2) I don't like being equipped with less information than the reader (or rather the person who reads).

3) Everyone remotely associated with blogging on the tour will write about it.

So i saw no particular reason in lambasting the ill organized tour with my own words. Having said that, i know many people on the tour, who might feel better seeing the pit falls of the trip being ripped open.

So here goes something....

Day 1:-

We start at 18:00 after loitering for about 3 hrs in front of the canteen as if we were stray dogs waiting for left overs (pardon the insane and completely uncalled for comparison). We reach Vizag at 15:00 the next afternoon courtesy some bus troubles and their equally sluggish drivers.

Day 2:-

Having survived a 24 hr ordeal on the road, we "refresh" for a couple of hours and head out for the beach which shows up only at around 19:00. I don't know what kind of a tourist shows up on a beach well after sun set especially when a navy week's in progress. However, after wetting our tired **** in the water for some 3 hrs, we hit the sack only to wake up at 5:00 in the morning to catch a train to Borra caves.

Day 3:-

After catching the train (which btw was the only thing which went according to the plan), we realize that traveling in a general compartment on a Sunday to a tourist destination, ain't the brightest idea. So having slugged it out for about 4 hrs in the train we reach Borra, only to be greeted by a swarm of buzzing tourists who threaten to ruin the already ruined tour.

Anyway we do manage to explore the caves, but the crowd meant that we lost invaluable time which lead to Araku being dropped from the touring list. Anyway we embarked upon our return journey at around 16:00 and reached the college at various different times( not before 16:30) depending on the bus we were in.

Each bus had it's own problem:-

1) White bus - most notorious of the lot in both content and performance

2) Yellow bus- allegedly an a/c bus minus the a/c

3) Pink bus- (had me on board :) ) seriously though, some of us had to take an APSRTC bus to complete our return journey

Psst:-

I have barely given an outline of what conspired on the tour. The details are far more telling but i have chosen not to reveal them today, for there are many gaping gaps in the details i know, as of now.

Conclusion:-

It was a completely mis-managed tour which was simply not what we had expected. The organizers though, aren't to be singled out as we all are equally responsible for the fiasco. We have learned a lot from this experience which will enable us to stand in better stead in the times to come.

I would like to point out that the above written conclusion is just bureaucratic bull**** and that i am not even remotely related with such thoughts.

We just rode and rode and rode and were rarely away from the road (which was not so smooth by the way).

psst:-

looks like i have made a hash of tenses

Slipping away

2007-11-22T07:46:00.000-08:00

England literally slid out of Euro on a rainy night yesterday courtesy of their defence which at times was even more slippery than the Wembley surface. It would have been extremely unfair if England went through especially because of the players' lack of commitment towards the well being of their national team.

Barring Gerrard and Beckham (on occasions), none of the others seem to give a 'fish' about the team. I have always failed to understand the reason for Lampard's abysmal performances when on national duty. I am surprised that he is even compared with Gerrard because he simply lacks the drive to drive a team through difficult times.

I pity Gerrard for being born as an English footballer. He would have certainly won more tournaments had he been playing for some other country. As a matter of fact, he hasn't even played in a major final (i think).

Speaking of the match, Mclaren once again proved what an a** he could be, by opting for a 4-5-1 formation. What's more insane was that his lone striker up front was the lanky Crouchy who was handicapped by the absence of Beckham in the starting line-up. The defenders at the back looked somewhat off color considering their defensive 'prowess' while playing for their clubs.

I shouldn't even begin on the performance of the goal keeper(if you could call him one). The team might have been better served, had they brought in Boycott's mum from Yorkshire in his place. Even after all the defensive howlers, the English men could have got off scot free had it not been for Mr. Scot Carson.

The result is actually quite good for English football because this defeat hopefully, might bring about some much needed changes. I seriously hope these much needed changes won't relate to the number of overseas players in the premier league because they are the ones who keep it going.

Disclaimer:-

This post was rushed through, so any mistakes made are regretted.

Boring's the Theme

2007-11-20T06:04:00.000-08:00

I am kinda self-censoring my blog (which means no more comments on the profs a.k.a death eaters) for it has started appearing in the college blogroll. What this means is that, my entries may become as insipid as an Indo Pak cricket match (which by the way happens to be today's point of discussion). I hope that my blog in the long run, doesn't end up like Sanjay 'Neela' Bhansali's latest movie "Saawariya" which is being dubbed as the most boring blue film ever made (statement 'inspired' from Tv).

Changing track (to stem the rot), Dale Steyn looks simply awesome this season. His bowling exploits not only made him the leading wicket taker in tests this year but also made the otherwise boring series between RSA and NZ, a bit entertaining (this bit, by the way is bigger than that of Ind v Pak). I have always hated watching Indo Pak matches of late, mainly because there seems to be no professionalism on view. Both teams just turn up, play boring cricket through out the day and at the end of it, just jump on to the party bandwagon.

When on the field, each player seems to be playing accompanied with a hangover. What else can explain the recently concluded ODI series which was even less interesting than the recently held test series between Australia-Sri Lanka and South Africa-New Zealand. May be we should keep Shahrukh away from the cricket grounds because he seems to be having a lot of bad influence on the teams. The cricketers these days have started to behave as if they are in front of a camera enacting a role of a cricketer !

What's even more excruciatingly painful is to see Sreesanth, who overcooks his role and in the process, his emotions. He has a lot to learn from Andre Nel who manages to portray this kind of a role with panache and a lot more grace.

Prediction:-

I wanted to watch Euro 08 minus England but Russia have somehow managed to put the last nail into their own coffin (pardon the cliche).

Pen is........

2007-11-14T14:34:00.000-08:00

The oft used phrase "The pen is mightier than the sword" is valid only as far as the plots of movies and T.V shows go. In the real world, even the lamest bookie would back a geek with a sword rather than a gladiator with a pen (a keyboard might complicate the matters but the phrase doesn't read "the keyboard is mightier ...", does it).

Fortunately or unfortunately, the intersection between the real world and the reel world happens to be an empty set. The problem with this however, happens to be that the reel world more often than not forgets to maintain sanity in the proceedings. This is more evident in the TV shows where the script writer has the viewers at his mercy for sometimes as long as 5 years.

In his world, he can kill off many characters at will and he usually does kill off many a interest with each passing episode. Even the script writer of "How i met your mother" seems to be undermining the importance of a plot a bit too much. The changes are more often than not a bit too foolishly far-fetched which some how get covered up by Barney's witty comments and Robin's charm.

So never ever use the phrase " a pen is ...." (again) because it's just a dumb cliche made up by journalists to instill some much needed confidence in their peers to ward off their eventual doom which, unfortunately has arrived today for what we get these days ain't true Honest Journalism, it's just an ethic less vocation meant to satisfy our hunger for daily morning breakfast entertainment.

Tv, Tv everywhere but not a thing to see

2007-11-12T15:27:00.000-08:00

I spent the bygone week long vacation dreading it's eventual end. How much more pathetic can one get ? Fortunately not more than that.
Apart from that, i spent most my time oscillating between the laptop, the desktop and the Tv (reminiscent of 'the good, the bad and the ugly' with the difference being that nothing's actually good here, just as in the movie one might say). There was nothing much interesting on Tv excluding the second ODI, which was interesting only because of the way in which India let go of the match. I did happen to watch the mid-week mid night 'extravaganza' of the Champions league which was also not up to the scratch.

The channels which irk me the most these days are the 24*7 news channels. These channels start out fine but once they gain popularity, they begin romanticizing their stories. They indulge in this so much so that the plot is eventually lost much like in a Sanjay Leela Bhansali's picture (by the way romanticizing here, stands for all sorts of things).

The stories these channels present are just an hour full of thrash designed to just fill in the time. As an example, consider this scenario which occurs every time the festival of lights comes around. Prior to the festival, all these anchors line up wishing you a happy and prosperous Diwali and blah blah blah blah. What happens the next day is that, they air a special program on the pollution caused due to Diwali. These people usually want to play the role of both the hero and the villain in every film. They may be excused if they do that once in a while, but that's not exactly what they do.

Wherever there's a hartal, a Medha Patkar follows (at least from what i see on Tv). So this woman here, seems to be so sick of her body, that she decides to go on a diet every time she gets a chance. Sadly for her, her body doesn't seem to follow suit so often, considering the way she looks, even after all these diet free days.

Speaking of suits (not exactly), i hope that you must be well acquainted with the Tv show 'How I met Your Mother'. In case you aren't, you better suit up and start watching it, for the series is nothing short of legen(wait for it...)dary.

My friends from my college deserve some mention in my blog(modesty has rarely been my staple diet) for they came in at third position in the all India programming contest (i think). So please put your hands together, wherever you are for these three wonderful gentlemen ( i sadly know only 1 of them and his name's Anshuman). Whats more, they even have a chance of going to the land of Robin Scherbatsky (you people should really start watching some serious Tv) to compete at the international level. All the best folks.

Prediction:-

They will make the trip.

Rubbish Gossip

2007-11-06T08:23:00.000-08:00

Rahul Dravid scored a double century earlier today in a Ranji match, but does that mean he is ready to come back into the team. I personally don't think so. The selectors should have made it clear, that he was dropped, not because of his poor form but because of his lack of use for the team. It may sound surprising but there's no longer a role for Dravid in the ODI team unless Yuvraj or Uthappa get injured. The "youngsters" like Gambhir and Uthappa are on a high of late which is arguably the main reason for Dravid being dropped. Everything is relative you see.

Dravid is without a doubt, a much better batsman than either Gambhir or Uthappa but as far as the team is concerned, he is as of now, less valuable and more dispensable.Changing tracks, i would like to ask your opinion regarding which one of these two leagues of gentlemen is the most imbalanced (these gentlemen were by the way linked courtesy of the media)

League A- Tiger Woods, Roger Federer, Thierry Henry, Rahul Dravid

League B- Rafael Nadal, Wayne Rooney, Sreesanth

I personally think Nadal is extremely unlucky to be associated with such a low lying scum like Sreesanth.

Moving on, i have been fortunate enough to be able to have access to the movie library of some of my illustrious seniors who keep downloading movies all the time (some of them even before the theatrical release). So the latest movie in this genre was the "American Gangster", which i happened to watch a week earlier even though it was released (in US) only on Friday. Coming to the movie, it's first half is a bit boring but it really steps up a gear or two in the second half which makes the movie the best movie i have watched, at least in the past week :) . The movie, by the way stars Russel Crowe who allegedly, is going to buy a team in the Indian Premier League.

The match between Arsenal and Manchester United was actually quite similarly paced, as the movie. Speaking of the match, i had predicted a 2-2 draw and prior to that i had also predicted a 1-1 draw between Arsenal and Liverpool, may be i should start predicting more often about Arsenal's matches. Having said that i ain't yet ready to predict the outcome of their champions league fixture for fear of this fictitious bubble being pricked by a realistic needle.

Anyway, reading this post i feel that i have managed to keep the flavour of the season going, by making this post more interesting towards the end (at least that's what i feel personally).

Notice:-

I have holidays going on, due to which i will not be able to update my blog all so often. So please search for alternate reading material in the mean time.

A rather self-proclaimed interesting post

2007-10-27T16:57:00.000-07:00

The question of the day of today is, 'Do introspection and procrastination go hand in hand ?'. If i had to reply, i would give an answer in the affirmative because i happen to introspect only when i procrastinate. Having said that, these two are a bit like thunder and lightning because we introspect only when there is no more room for procrastination. It's just like thunder which can be heard only after there is no further sign of the lighting it was supposed to accompany.

We actually do a lot of stupid things but we worry only about a few of them. Why is that ?, it may be because you don't have some big-wig words associated with those other activities. It is no secret that our vocabulary plays a big role in the way we look at things. So the moment you learn a word like "procrastination", you immediately realize what you have been doing wrong all these days.

This post may be amusing but it's surely boring. So to lighten this up, let me tell you about a conversation i am having with my friend as i write this. This friend of mine happened to ask me how many chicks i have (forgive the defamation ,girls , if any). How can he claim to be my friend if he doesn't know the answer to that.

He may have erred then but what he came up with next was spot on (well kinda). He said that my features weren't mature enough and that i was more like a kid. I know that it is very easy to disagree with him with all the beard and the moustache, not to forget the large frame, but beneath all those bushes is a face which does look immature at times, to me as well.

What's even more interesting is that i myself happen to go with a self-proclaimed nick of "kid", which fortunately or unfortunately happens to have made no kind of impression on my friends (few of them scoffed at it, but that was it). The reason behind my self-proclamation however is, i just liked the word "kid".

It doesn't concern you

2007-10-26T17:32:00.000-07:00

I have my end-sems from Monday but that's not quite the reason why i haven't posted anything of late. I was busy watching some movies over the past two days which were for a change not so bad. This ain't self-glorification as some of you sceptics might think. Self glorification as it stands in my college as of know, is a term associated with a person who claims to be not studying.

The one thing which i would not like to do in the future is to discuss about exams here, since that's the last thing you would want to read about in the time of exams. Having said that, i might as well report some of my own performances because that might make you feel better about yourself. It is rather unfortunate that everything in the world is relative, it always comes back to the neighbor next door. You are happy as long as you earn more than him, the moment he starts earning more, you begin cursing your job which was earlier that day God-sent.

In case you are not like the afore mentioned "you", then may you have the fortune of not having to read this post (this is just as impossible as you not being the "you" :) ). Confused ?, read again.

You always need a bad person in the society to convince yourself that you are good just as you need a poorer person to think of yourselves as rich. If i had one wish, then i would wish to become invisible because there is no fun greater than watching a person all by himself, preparing to face the society. Is truth stranger than fiction, maybe, but as far as i am concerned, the hidden traits of the people around you are the strangest things you can ever come across.

This entry may be short but usually, what you see is not exactly what you are meant to see.

Lame Observations

2007-10-23T05:33:00.000-07:00

The biggest draw back of my blog (at least according to me) is that it doesn't concentrate upon a particular topic. It keeps wavering between sports, college and academics. I personally like writing about sports because i am more at home with that topic and also there is always something going on in that sphere which makes it all the more easy to update my blog every other day.

Having said that, my posts relating sports don't do well at the B.O just like RGV's movies. On the other hand, the posts relating to college and acads more often than not, turn out into blockbusters (not really, they are more like average grossers). Why does this happen , maybe you don't give a damn about sports or maybe you have better sources of information or maybe i should really stop using this "maybe" routine (as far as i can recollect, this is the third time that i have used this "maybe" routine).

The other director who seems to be in sync with RGV is M. Night Shyamalan. Both of them had an excellent start to their careers but only to self-destruct. These days, one of them rolls out a movie every other week-end from his factory while the other just sits about waiting for a production studio to back him up. Maybe a joint venture between these two erstwhile directors can help them in realizing how awful they have become in recent times.

So what does this have to do with my blog ? absolutely nothing. That's what i am talking about, the beauty(excuse me) of my blog lies in it's unexpected behavior. Here's an other interesting opinion, the length of a movie can be estimated by the time one takes to pee. The longer the movie, the longer one pees( law applicable only in a movie theater). So the next time you notice a person (not that you will) taking a long pee, you can safely assume that he has been to a karan Johar or yash Chopra production. You will have to be very lucky to catch a RGV fan taking a pee in the theatre because his movies are usually short and even if they are long, every one will leave at the interval. The threshold limit for his movies is usually 1 hr.

Predictions:-

will be up pretty soon.

Lacklustre round up of a Fabulous sporting week-end

2007-10-22T04:29:00.000-07:00

Hamilton did all that he could (and finally succeeded) to prevent himself from winning the drivers' championship, but no one's complaining. I was from the first, apprehensive about a rookie winning the championship because it doesn't bode well for the "experienced" campaigners and the sport itself. Fortunately, Lewis choked big time and that's the only thing which can justify him losing the championship to a guy who was 17 points behind him with two races to go.

A commentator towards the end of the race,,cheekily (but rightly) pointed out that Alonso was relieved to lose to Kimi rather than Lewis. No one can blame the poor guy for he was the defending champion and losing his title to his rookie team-mate would have been humiliation unparallel.

Having said this, there is still a decision to be made by the FIA regarding the fuel irregularities of BMW and Williams. If they get stripped of their positions, then Lewis will undeservingly become the world champion. The race stewards had dismissed the case due to lack of evidence but then, FIA is infamous for all it's dubious decisions, so i guess we will have to wait and see.

Moving on, South Africa won the rugby world cup(as predicted :) ) beating England 15-6 in the final. Amazingly, there were no tries in the whole match but who cares as long as RSA keeps winning. Speaking of South Africa, they did manage to lose against Pakistan (in cricket) courtesy of Pollock who ran out Morkel, when they were cruising towards an improbable win.

Nalbandian beat Federer in the Madrid Masters final but it was not a big surprise seeing the way in which Nalbandian was playing through out the tournament.

On a personal front:-

First it was the La Liga season and now this F1 season, am i living a dream ?

Both of them were simply superb and the scripts they ran on would have been dismissed as far-fetched were they not happening for real. I would have been gutted, had i been supporting either Barcelona or Lewis but i am ecstatic, for i supported Real Madrid and Kimi. Too bad i had no one to share my joy with, as i was the only person watching TV at home on both occasions.

Its about something about something

2007-10-16T07:22:00.000-07:00

I had earlier thought of writing an extensive report about the over-the-top security situation deployed in the campus in the wake of the on going military games next door but fortunately or unfortunately that moment has passed courtesy of my week-end break. Quite a long and boring sentence,huh.

Coming to the point, a certain chain-reaction was initiated by a psychotic death-eater who sent out a mail claiming that certain restrictions on our movements were unavoidable because of the rather liberal movements of terrorists in the city. What followed this was pure entertainment, for the mails which were sent out after that were the most sincerely stupid mails i have come across in the intranet.

To cite a few, one of them claimed that such rules were the perfect foil to 'kill' research and that these rules if deployed would only be instrumental in preventing them(or rather us) from completing their/our work before deadline. From what i have seen so far, deadlines in this campus are highly flexible which stretch on and on and on (can't stress enough) much to my horror. I am really terrified of these elastic deadlines because they never let go even if you want to go. Coming to research, i sometimes wonder if i am in the same college as they are, because in my college, research is done only by a few balding people who have already lost everything (hair inc).

The mail which i found the most senseless was one which argued that giving a vacation was the best remedy to sort out this mess "brought about by the tensions arising out of such high security areas".

Prediction:-

South Africa to beat England in a nail biting fought Rugby world cup final, notwithstanding the rout they had earlier inflicted on the Englishmen in the opening round. This is the first time ever, i am being optimistic about a South African team. ( Too bad it ain't being telecast on Tv)

Conclusion:-

First you had a problem with insecurity, now it's with security. What's wrong with you people :)

Have you seen a missing poem ?

2007-10-13T08:02:00.000-07:00

I know that my poetic skills are no where near that of my prose but writing a poem takes a lot more effort (no matter how disastrous it comes out). So the other day when i was stuck in a classroom without Shakespeare in hand, i decided to write a poem or rather a parody of a poem. Yeah, you heard that right, these days i read Shakespeare in class, ain't that wonderful.

As it turns out, i am unable to locate my probability notes (which contains the poem :( ), so i guess you will have to wait a bit longer to lay your eyes upon my poem. So instead, i would like to take this opportunity to elaborate on how i met Shakespeare.

"I had also become quite trigger happy during the holidays, so much so that, i took a shot at all the offers that were thrown my way. Firstly, i decided to take a membership in the British library just because it cost only Rs.1100 per annum.Secondly i also subscribed to a magazine just because he had sent my father an application form. Both were completely unnecessary due to the presence of a “well equipped” library at my college which was, as a matter of fact pointed out by the librarian at the British Library."

Doesn't the above paragraph look familiar. In case it doesn't, then you better read my earlier entries. The above excerpt has been taken from my first post which clearly states how i got in contact with British Library. This library happens to be the middle-man responsible for introducing me to Shakespeare.

Let me familiarize you with this library first. It happens to be located near Tank-Bund (not on it's banks fortunately) which takes me about an hour to go from my college in a bus. The buses are usually jam packed with smelly humans, so much so that even the stench gets suffocated. Why do i have to put up with this ? It's all because of my mother who feels that i don't need my father's car for such errands.

These buses(when empty) jump about so erratically, that at times you feel as if you are on a joy-ride in Disney land. Shedding my lousy critic's attire, let me come back to the great Bard whose writings sometimes remind me of my own (maybe i lost my humility somewhere over the Atlantic). When i read his comedies, i feel that the joke's on me for most of the time because i can't make out his intended mockery. What little i do understand, i try to chew it on and on until it has nothing left to hide from me. I have to say that his language is the most beautiful this world has ever seen. (dude- how is that possible dud, you don't even understand it)

Coming soon:-

A mockery of the present security situation in the campus and a poem, if i ever find my probability notes. My main worry is that it has no notes written in it which makes it more valuable than it would have been otherwise.

Confessions of an Insecure dud(e)

2007-10-10T15:14:00.000-07:00

Why am i insecure ? I had nothing to do with this word until a few days back when i happened to catch it on TV . The idiot box (pardon my cliche`) claimed that a insecure person is one who thinks himself to be smarter than he actually is and in addition also has a tendency to criticize others rather unfairly. I don't think that i managed to convey the exact definition but anyway when i first heard it, i thought that i was perfect for the role of an insecure guy. So that explains the presence of insecurity in the title, the other part concerning dud(e) should become quite clear by the time you finish reading.

The credit for this non-sporting post should surely go to the teaching assistant who in a fit of over-zealousy (may be i got a bit over-zealous in creating this unknown term) mailed the marks list of my recently concluded mid-semester examination. Me being me, i usually don't go to collect my answer scripts for fear of association of my face with my performance (not that he cares, but anyway). So i usually don't know how many marks i got in my exams. This time around he did send the marks list, i did see it and the rest, as they say is history.

They say that people get scared after seeing their marks but ironically i didn't get marks, i got a SINGLE mark!! I would have felt much better with a zero under my belt than with a solitary unit, too weak even to withstand my stinking breath (my breath doesn't actually stink in practice, that's the only fictional part in this non-fictional post). So anyway, i can only wonder how he gave me a [1] for that paper. If you happen to be wondering, my answers were pure fiction created in the spur of the moment.

The Aftermath :-

scene 1: somewhere deep inside the drain (read brain)

enter dude and dud

Dude - what's all this crap man, wassup wid ya ?

Dud - the part of you which thinks that this is crap, is crap

Dude- Huh, what did you just say ?

Dud- never mind, you are too cool to understand anything which makes sense

Dude- whatever man, what do you want me to do, sit down and cry !

Dud- just stop pretending like you don't really care

Dude- look who's talking, aren't you the one trying to redeem your lost pride through this shit

Dud- don't blame me ! we are both equally responsible for this shit

Dude- shit man , you just said shit, am i dreaming ?

Dud- does that really matter in these troubling times

Dude- I don't see any troubling times around, i bet you to show me one

Dud- haha, you think you are funny, don't you ?

Dude- why are you 'troubled' ? Is it because of your past performance or is it because of your potential future hard-ships. Anyway i don't care coz i live in the present and everything's serene here.

Dud- now what, philosophy ? I got some news for ya, shove your dumb philosophy up your even dumber ass

x-The End-x

psst:- Only one scene was enacted in loving memory of my solitary mark

Colossus Kallis

2007-10-05T08:32:00.000-07:00

I almost posted a new entry the other day except for the mis-firing [:)] wordpress server which mysteriously refused to acknowledge my latest offering. Lately i have had nothing to comment on except for sports and i am afraid that this one also belongs to that genre.

South Africa beat Pakistan today in a test match. Ain't that great !! Kallis was back and he duly showed how indispensable he is for the Proteas. Without him the result would have been a whole lot different and the decision to drop Pollock was much awaited, especially considering the subcontinental tracks where swing is as rare as pleasant climate in Hyderabad.

Steyn is a bright prospect especially in test matches for he is bowler wyho knows only how to attack. The only problem with him is that he is as inconsistent as Sreesanth and gifts away many runs. Harris might have got some wickets but he doesn't look like one for the long-run. He relies a bit too much on the batsmen's mistakes to get his wickets.

As you might have noticed, my Champions League predictions have gone hay-wire (yet again). May be i should stop being so conservative and start predicting a few upsets in the upcoming matches.

Predictometer :- [effective since 1st October]

Football -30%

Cricket- Yet to predict

Desi digs

2007-10-02T09:16:00.000-07:00

Notwithstanding their recent 'outstanding' exploits in the T20 world cup, India have managed to once again disgrace themselves on the cricket field. They were very lucky to escape from Bangalore but, luck like fame doesn't have a long life.

Indians have missed out on a golden opportunity here, especially since Ganguly wasn't playing. If they can't win without him, then it would take a double effort to win with him in the side. As i say this, Powar has hit one out of the field much to the anguish of Rameez Raza who happens to be commentating. Wait a minute, the smile's back on his face (no prizes for guessing what happened).

Speaking of commentators, Ravi Shastri has always managed to irk me courtesy of his never ceasing partiality. He tends to praise everything Indian and disapprove everything foreign. That kind of behavior is completely acceptable unless you happen to be a commentator !. The rule of thumb for any commentator should be that they should be impartial. Even Rameez would rank higher than Shastri on the scale of impartiality.

Seeing the way he's going i wouldn't be surprised if he terms an Indian fart as music to his ears.

Prediction :-

Man Utd to eke out a narrow win over Roma

Arsenal to trounce Steaua Bucharest

Valencia to beat Chelsea

Real Madrid and Liverpool to win

Blowing cold

2007-09-28T16:50:00.000-07:00

I write this post wondering whether i burned my tongue or the roof my mouth. The culprit was by the way, not a hot lady (raunchy thoughts, huh), it was just some really hot food. The taste was anything but hot but then what can one expect in a canteen of a research institute. Having said that my performance in the gone-by exams was as tasteless as the aforementioned food.

I know that you don't give a damn about my screwed up grades, so why should i ? (wish it was really that easy). Anyway i would like to elaborate a bit on my quite dumb exploits during the course of my exams. First of all, gone are those days when i used to attend classes only for attendance, these days it seems that i even attend exams just for the sake of attendance. The only thing which i usually get right in the examination hall , is my signature on the attendance sheet.

This may feel funny but it damn sure ain't funny. So what do i do during the whole exam, i just keep pondering over how i managed to get myself into such a hopeless situation in the first place. May be this place ain't for me, may be i am so irresponsible or may be i should work hard the next time or may be i should just stop this non-sensical chain of may-be's.

Whatever i do or don't do, this blog will keep getting updated as long as i continue to stay in this non-hot college of mine. I am actually quite amazed that terrorists haven't struck during the past week when festivities reached a feverishly high state.

Prediction:-

Australia to beat India in Bangalore.

What the Haq

2007-09-24T15:10:00.000-07:00

What happened was nothing short of a sub-continental tragedy, which quite frankly made the match a parody of a "world cup" final. I know very well that some of you might label this match as the "greatest ever" but then it wasn't so enthralling for a neutral like me.

The way in which Misbah-Ul-Haq got out after playing a mature innings typifies the complete match. The contest was lop-sided for most of the second innings and the way in which the Indians allowed them to crawl back was not worthy of champions.

I personally think that Misbah is a big choker. He had earlier managed not to score off the last two balls and now this. On a more positive note, this match saw me predicting the right result for the first time.

So all of you Indian fans, drop your pants and dance away into the night coz you really deserve it for being such loyal supporters.

I hate to say it but - Chak De India !!

India vs. Pakistan :(

2007-09-22T18:01:00.000-07:00

I am not too pleased to watch these two teams go head to head in the final of a major tournament mainly because they are too inconsistent and more over there is no longer an enmity between the two sides. Gone are those good old days when the two teams always stepped on to the pitch daggers drawn. These are the boring days of the "bhai-bhai" relationship where they no longer even swear at each other.

No matter how dull it appears to be, i have no other option but to watch it, just because i have no work to do. If my memory serves right, the last time the Indians entered a final as favorites, was against New Zealand in the 2000 champions trophy held in Kenya. Interestingly, their last appearance in a major final also happened in the African continent in the form of the 2003 WC where they were overwhelming favorites to lose and lose they did.

The last time i predicted the outcome of an India's match, i thought they would win the deciding seventh one-dayer against England but sadly things didn't work out that way. This time around, i am again predicting an Indian win and i am doubly sure that they can pull it off.

P.s:- They had lost in that final to New Zealand having knocked out Australia in the quarters and RSA (Yuvraj had made his dazzling debut in this series) in the semis but then history only repeats itself for losers like South Africa, not for winners like India.

I am amazed at my over-reaching modesty.

Errata:- India was the joint winner of the champions trophy in 2002 and the 2002 final was the last major final we entered as favorites.

Sports take a back seat (A welcome change)

2007-09-21T16:47:00.000-07:00

I have my mid-sems from the day after the day after tomorrow and my preparation is as patchy as this opening sequence. This may not sound strange at all, since almost all of your friends must be humming these words in your ears 24 X 7. On the bright side, they will last for only three days and they will quite surely disappear into the distant horizons of my mind, even before i realize what hit me.

I feel like a scavenger right now, feeding on the bits and pieces of wireless signals left unconsumed by my peers. This was supposed to be the case prior to the installation of the wireless routers (in my block) but my condition continues to be the same, thanks to the highly ineffective "state of the art" equipment. Having said that, scavengers tend to lose the art of appreciation after a course of time, which makes them incapable of even distinguishing between the good and rotten food.

Changing course, there happens to be a match between Australia and India tomorrow and i am completely undecided on which team to support (not that it matters :)). This lack of decisiveness stems out from the behaviour of some(two to be precise) of my friends in the aftermath of yesterday's match. It was not a big deal but then making mountains out of mole-hills is a lot of fun and that is what i intend to do.

Coming to these two sinners, one of them aspires to be a Swiss citizen but i don't think he will even be able to locate Switzerland on the world map. The other guy is as short as one can get, accompanied with an ever-present irritating giggle. I would really love to see Australia thrash India just for the sake of these chauvinistic guys.

New prediction:-

This tourney no longer deserves my prediction.

We shot ourselves in the Foot (nothing new actually)

2007-09-20T17:59:00.000-07:00

As i have predicted, my prediction has gone awfully wrong once again with the Proteas consipiring to cut short their own journey. Their performance was nothing but pathetic to the core. It is time for them to start looking for some flexible players. Their top three batsmen are as one dimensional as you can get. They can't even play responsible cricket and it is high time that AB is sent back to first class cricket to iron out his numerous technical flaws.

The other big mistake was of course dropping Kallis. They sorely missed his composure and i am pretty sure that he would have done a better job than Pollock, even with the ball. What's really disappointing is that this is the first and the last match we are going to lose in this tournament.

So moving on, in order to improve, they need to blend in some responsible players with these dashing players (who are capable of chasing 434 but are also quite capable of throwing it away just like today).

New prediction:-

I am too messed up to make one right now.

T20 (title's as short as the game)

2007-09-20T09:09:00.000-07:00

The first thing which is crossing many a cricketing mind these days is "what is wrong with Pakistan ?". Not only did they manage to not chase India's 141, they also sent the pre-super 8 favorites Sri Lanka crashing out. The Pakistan team seems to have become some sort of a bogey team to the Lankans since they had earlier sent them out of the Champions Trophy where the Lankans were termed favorites by the "experts".

Speaking of Lanka, they seem more or less like the bygone South African team which used to win everything comfortably barring the crunch matches (of course). Coming to the Proteas, they happen to be the only unbeaten team so far (which can be largely attributed to the quality of the teams they faced). As of now, they are on course to meet Australia in the semis which threatens to be a mis-match much like the earlier WC semi-final. They would be better off facing Pakistan instead, which is possible if they lose to the Yuvraj XI in a calculated fashion.

So what about Pakistan, the biggest surprise package of the tourney. I feel that they have been pretty lucky so far and a place in the finals would be completely unjustified simple because of their ever-consistent inconsistency.

My prediction :-

Australia to win beating NZ/Ind in the final having beaten RSA in the semis.

p.s: I believed Sri lanka to win the cup initially, and to tell you the effectiveness of my predictions, i had two years earlier managed to get all the 4 semi-finalists wrong in the champions league even after watching the first leg of their respective quarter-finals.

Unworthy of a title

2007-09-18T11:20:00.000-07:00

I always get that feeling of envy whenever i watch the people involved with Discovery channel. The reason not being their abundant uni-dimensional knowledge but the jobs they get to do. If i had it my way, then i would happily roam about as a part of their exploration entourage provided, they don't ask me to do the adrenaline pumping stuff (i am a born coward). I wouldn't even care for salary if provided with such an opportunity, which by the way is the only driving force for all professional geeks (opinions may vary).

So what is it that these non-geeks do ? (Geeks for me covers all people who work in the confines of a building). They just walk about happily in wilderness narrating something about the significance of some things which are unfortunately completely insignificant for the worthless money making clan of "professionals".

Having made some second-person observations, let me now step into the shoes of the first-person for a thankfully short duration. The first observation i make is regarding the human style of walking. I happen to believe that we move our hands in sync with our legs because we evolved from creatures which used to walk on all fours and since, old habits die hard, we are yet to stop moving our hands even though we needn't to.

On a more personal front, i happen to know three languages but when it comes to talking, i use only one. I do use the other two, but i happen to write more than i speak, in those languages. Having said/written that, i would also like to acquaint myself with Punjabi simply because it is an amusingly funny dialect.

They ain't Chokers (anymore)

2007-09-11T11:07:00.000-07:00

Every time a major cricketing event comes about, the only thing the papers talk about while referring to RSA is that "the time has come for them to shed their chokers' tag". Come on !, give them a break, they don't deserve that tag anymore. Gone are those days of despair, when they somehow managed to choke on the D-day after having dominated right through the tournament.

These days they hardly make it to the D-day, not because they are choking at a premature stage, but because they just don't have enough ammunition in their bowling department to back up their ever so inconsistent batting line-up. The quota system in prevalance as of know only seems to be adding to their vows.

Speaking of quota, i wonder how Thsabalala made it into the team in the first place. The way he bowls is just like a lullaby to the opposition's batsmen.

Looks like nature's conspiring against me as well. As it stands right now, i will be unable to watch the match due to disruption caused to the cable lines by lightning.

Two reviews and a preview

2007-09-08T08:19:00.000-07:00

There is no need to buckle up your seats or anything, for the reviews, are for two completely insignificant man made creations. The first one amongst this happens to be FIFA 08 (demo version). Having been addicted to this game for the past season, i have to say that the new one ain't so different from the old one.

The major and most interesting change has to be the one done to the goal-keeper who has been designed to be a more pro-active figure unlike the previous editions where he almost never left his line. Since i have played only the demo version i haven't had a chance to find out about the new " Be a Pro" feature where you get to play with a single player for the whole course of the match.

Coming to the visual aspect, the turf seems greener and the stands seem fuller but the clarity has clearly gone astray. I am hoping that, that won't be the case with the full version.

The other review is concerned with the Tarantino part of " Grindhouse" namely "Deathproof ". True to his usual conventional style,Tarantino has managed to churn out yet another unconventional movie. (I am not complaining though)

The beginning part of the movie runs solely on the finer side of feminism (which happens to include some vulgar yet appealing body movements designed to present the character as bootylicious). The fun really begins in the "after six months" segment where the director moves away from the ladies' tushies (finally) to concentrate on some freaky car rides.

I would have dismissed this movie as thrash except for the last 30 mins which are really fun to watch. I would recommend this movie only to men, as women might find this one a bit offending. Go ahead gentlemen , have a blast :) .

Coming to the preview, i think that India will wrap up the series quite comfortably today. I don't know why, but as far as cricket is concerned , i tend to be unrealistically optimistic about India while being realistically pessimistic about South Africa.

Holy gay!!, I'm Straight

2007-09-07T11:21:00.000-07:00

Before i begin, i would like to say that, my professors' bald heads are more interesting than the subjects they teach. Unfortunately for you people, i have nothing more to add on this as i have completely run out of demeaning phrases.

Changing tracks...

As it so very often happens on Orkut, i got a not so anonymous scrap from an anonymous person. The thing which makes it worth mentioning is, not the true identity of the anonymous guy but the ambiguity of his expressions as seen from the point of view of his scrap.

The scrap went something like " hii sexy, your profile is cool, but you are hot, how about becoming friends ".(It was actually a bit longer and a bit more obscene, i had deleted it immediately due to which i can't recall the complete details). To clarify things a lil bit, no picture of mine is available on the web, so his views can be classified under fiction (at least until he sees me :)). The thing in question however isn't how sexy i am, but what were his intentions.

The first thought that crossed my mind was pertaining the homosexual content in the scrap, but then in the positive sense,it might well be an in-experienced user of the English language who thinks that branding people sexy is a nice and easy way to pave way for friendship. These type of things usually happen when you use a foreign language. Actually, i am quite sure that most of you interpret my writings in a way different from mine, which may basically be attributed to the fact that I indulge in malapropism quite a lot.

Moving back to the contentious topic of homo-sexuality (luckily it ain't so conspicuous in India), i thought that it was restricted to the African-American tribes of USA and to some European countries. (But as you all know, the world doesn't adhere to my ideology)
As i say this, there happens to be a gay roaming amongst my not so unsuspecting batch mates. I shall not even begin to mention his name, but i can very well give you the name of my friend, PDSR, who happens to know a thing or two about the infamous exploits of the aforementioned person.

P.S:- If i had it my way, then i would banish all these crooked people to timbuktu.

A few cheeky observations

2007-09-06T03:28:00.000-07:00

In this edition of Rahul's blog, i would like to describe the various vagaries associated with watching an Indian cricket match in the T.V lounge. The thing most noticeable is, of course the partiality shown by my peers towards the Indian team. The most disappointing aspect of that happens to be that they don't even begin to appreciate the opposition's exploits on the field.

The other mentionable thing is their lack of knowledge about the game (the same cannot be said about their knowledge of Sachin though) . Half of them don't even realise that a batsman can't be given out on a ball which pitches outside the leg-stump (may be they just enjoy the game and don't give a damn about rules). The same thing sadly applies even to the football watching denizens of our institute who aren'e even aware of the away goals rule applied in the champions league.

Some of them even believe that we can restrict a team without taking any wickets and they think a run rate of 8 over 10 overs is more difficult than a run rate of 6 over 50. They think like what i used to some 10 years ago. May be all these years of watching T.V has made me a pundit on the game (Too bad that the tables are turned when it comes to academics).

Frankly speaking, i have never been a fan of Indian cricket and i, more often than not, find my friends' antics more entertaining than the brand of cricket dished out by the Indian team. I, by the way, happen to support a certain team which goes by the name of South Africa ( Haven't i mentioned it already ?).

Being a supporter of the Proteas is not so fruitful as i don't get to see all of their matches. Having said that, i do have the option of going to my home to watch their matches. As a matter of fact, the only reason i go home these days is to catch some sporting events on T.V.

Switching back, why do captains always go for dumb field placements at the death. Why can't they see that they need to get their third-man finer when the batsmen begin to slog and why do they bother to bring in the fine-leg and thereby allow all of those cheeky shots. (A shot over the extra cover is more deserving of a four than the cheeky shots to the vacant fine-leg region)

Yesterday's match was quite reminiscent of England's earlier win against the Windies where Owais Shah and company managed to score some 70 odd runs in the last five overs to win the 20-20 tie, and most of the runs scored on that occasion were "cheeky" as well.

On the verge of losing it

2007-09-04T15:20:00.000-07:00

The other day i happened to receive a mail from one of the death-eaters which went like " your batch's performance has really been awful, so be prepared to repeat this course next year". Now hold on sir, first of all, your course comprises of nothing but reproducing a circuit already existent on the web. So what the eff (thought of cutting out the slang, eff here stands for FUCK by the way) are you yelling at ?

It's true that people like me can't even do that, but your course doesn't deserve a second try. There are other courses which i can think of tolerating for the second time, but if you ask me to repeat your course then i am pretty sure that my already precarious mental scale will shift permanently towards insanity.On that effingly sane note, i would like to end this one to one conversation.

Moving away from my impending date with insanity, let me share with you my views on a certain mythological being, born on this day. Funnily enough, i am discussing this, only to emphasize my hatred towards this guy (or whatever you wish to call him). The reason for my inbuilt hatred towards him, stems from the way in which he plotted the killing of my favorite mythological creation namely Karna.

So to sum up my post so far, i have criticized two beings quite unfairly, but then have you ever seen me praise anything ?

Ain't it ironic that this post should follow up my clarification where i mentioned that my posts aren't the byproducts of my frustration ?

Guess what, this one IS.

Sports and a Clarification

2007-08-29T04:45:00.000-07:00

The dreaded day has finally arrived with Ole Gunnar Solskjaer deciding to let his frustration get better of him. This will draw the curtains on an illustrious career which in it's pinnacle gave the role of a substitute a whole new meaning. His persistent alliance with injuries kept unleashing emotional havoc both within him and his numerous fans alike, towards the end of his career (could my elucidation stoop any further ?).

In case you haven't understood anything thus far, then you better start watching some football ! There is more to sports than just cricket, people (people here happens to be substituting Indians, of course).

The next person i am going to talk about is a tennis player whom, i know most of you people wouldn't know about. He happens to go by the name of John Isner, he is an American and has recently created a record for serving the most number of aces in a non-grand slam tournament (i haven't verified the authenticity of that record).He has already knocked out a seed in the opening round of the US open (which by the way wasn't the erstwhile Safin), his rise to fame has been meteoric and as a matter of fact dwarfs the achievements of Hamilton whose rise to fame can be solely attributed to the technology at his disposal.

Before i sign out, i would like to clarify that my posts are designed to be humorous and are not a manifestation of my frustrations as some of you believe. Maybe the fact that i don't use smileys has something to do with it but then using smileys would only de-value the seriousness of my comic ventures.

what i've done ??

2007-08-28T10:52:00.000-07:00

In case you are a "proud" owner of an Ipod, then try to do the following. Firstly, select the settings option present in the main menu and then scroll down to set the shuffle option to off. Having done this, go back to the main menu and select shuffle songs.

If everything goes right, then something should be wrong with your ipod by now. I have tried this twice and on both occasions the device got stuck. I couldn't even switch it off !!

On the first occasion, i believed that my beloved had passed away but after waiting patiently for a whole day (during the course of which it was thrown about in frustration many a time) it finally got switched off. It had no other option actually, it had run out of charge.

Once it switches off, the battle is won because it starts to function properly after charging it. So before you try to do something stupid with your ipod, make sure that it has less back-up power.

The moral of the story happens to be that the best remedy for any electronic malfunction would be to restart the device. Too bad that the ipod doesn't provide us with this luxury because even the power off button ceases to function in such sticky situations.

Disclaimer:-

The title refers to my unwarranted foray into the technical world. I personally think that it would be better for my blog if i continue to stay away from such sticky situations [:)]

Cheap Shots

2007-08-27T09:55:00.000-07:00

May be i should begin by apologizing for posting only two posts in the week gone by. I am, as a matter of fact quite prepared for that, with a bunch of excuses eagerly waiting to justify the slackness exhibited by me. First of all, the past week saw the beginning of the Natwest series, then there was a problem with LAN and more importantly many of my friends opined that i didn't have to update my blog so very often.

They even went on to point a finger (or rather criticized) at my tendency to express myself more through my writings than actual verbal conversations. So as a response to their feed-back, i have decided to point one (finger) back at them, but not the index to begin (shades of Slim Shady).

Shahrukh declared quite proudly in his movie that " woh kya hain, hamare hockey mein chakke nahin hote" , then what was he doing there in the first place. I would have dis-agreed with his satire on cricket except for the fact that there have been many a instance in recent times which show the questionable attitude of cricketers.

Top on my hit-list would be Jack Kallis who declared that he was contemplating his future with the South African cricket and that he had other offers waiting on the table. Doesn't playing for your country mean anything to you ? If all that you care about is money, then why don't you get yourself enrolled in your country's infamous club of criminals. I am sure that you will earn much more than you do at present, but the only thing is that you would have to improve your running between the wickets.

No wonder the New-Zealand cricket board wants the ICC to recognize ICL, so that they don't lose their star players (who also happen to be money gobbling whores). Now that i have delivered my fair share of cheap shots, let me share with you some of the cheap shots taken by others.

Top on this list have to be the terrorists who have taken yet another shot at claiming the lives of the not so innocent people. What's even cheaper is the way in which they execute these cheap missions. They planted 21 bombs of which only 2 exploded !! Taking into account their efficiency,it looks like they have done their graduation in electronics from my college.

Is night life worth livin' ?

2007-08-22T08:00:00.000-07:00

We at present have deteriorated to a situation where we make Global warming the culprit from every untoward change in the climate conditions. It may be true or may be a false allegation or may be i should just shut up and get on with my job.

Let us for the moment assume that all the vagaries of climate are caused due to Global warming. Having assumed thus, it is now safe to say that it classifies as yet another misadventure embarked upon by our race. The first of these misadventures happened to take place when the early-man learned to live a more civilized life. The problem with being civilized is that we continue to manipulate our surroundings until we forget the feeling of being uncomfortable.

Anyone who's come across Charles Darwin in their secondary schools, know very well that evolution occurs only when a particular species doesn't feel comfortable in it's surroundings. So what we have actually done all these years is that we have prevented our evolution. Is it good or bad ? (I don't know man, i like the way i am)

So what does evolution have to do with Global warming ? It's just that we were so hell-bent in preserving our physical assets (no wonder we have beauty parlors all around) that we used all our mental abilities to invent everything we have today in a hurry. During this process, we also happened to let a lot of pollutants into the air (which is not our problem). The sad part now happens to be that we are fast running out of resources which act as our sources of pollution. (It is really an irony, that we are fighting to save something which will eventually kill us).

The simplest way to conserve our fuels would be by eliminating night life. Why can't you work in the day when you get sunlight for free , why waste electricity by staying up late into the night , why do big cities take bigger pride in their active night life. Is doing work in the night really necessary ?As far as i am concerned, the only work which has ever been done successfully at night is the process which leads to reproduction (even this is done with the lights off !!!).

So see to it that you don't stay up late in to the night unless you happen to be involved in a work which involves no usage of electricity [:)].

and one more thing for all the college going suckers....staying up late ain't cool, sleeping early ain't a crime, night-life is a truck load of shit (which by the way can be used as manure).

Disclaimer:-

The above views were expressed by an under-graduate in the engineering stream. So there is no reason for you to abandon your beliefs and concur with the ideas expressed.

Could you suggest one ?

2007-08-20T15:20:00.000-07:00

The other day happened to be my birthday and it turned out to be eventful, for a change. To start with some of my not so public parts were given quite a beating, but the bigger pain in the arse was washing off the cake which sort of refused to let go of me. The aftermath of my hour long struggle for freedom against the aforementioned foe in chilly waters late in the night was that i felt not so healthy after waking up the following morning.

It didn't matter that much though as i rushed home to catch up with the latest gossips floating around in the world of electronic media. Even though i follow things other than sports, i would like to restrict myself to sports for the moment. Top on my agenda would be to lambast Nani who spent all his energy in fooling Sir Alex that he seems to have nothing left to show on the field. He is certainly a bigger flop than Shevchenko was with Chelsea last season.

Speaking of Sir Alex's naivety, his team lacks the willingness to work hard ala Mourinho's Chelsea (who were unjustifiably fortunate in securing a draw against a refreshingly entertaining Liverpool). I could go on forever but i guess the time's ripe to strip off my punditorial (made the word right now,derivative of pundit) behaviour.

On the day preceeding my b'day, i happened to watch Bourne Ultimatum (twice in fact) which, notwithstanding the rave reviews it has been receiving is bound to entertain only the Bourne faithful. To sum it up, it's just a typical Bourne movie (which makes it all the more enjoyable actually).

The best news i have heard so far this season happens to be the induction of Lance Klusener (my all-time favorite) into the clan of ICL which by the way will enable me to catch him live (on Tv atleast).

Send in suggestions befitting the title.

Thou Shalt be criticised, execise Caution

2007-08-17T17:45:00.000-07:00

The first two papers that i faced were so easy that i felt like a batsman dismissed without having faced a ball on a belter of a pitch. I don't know what the death-eaters had in mind whilst preparing the question papers.

Hold on my dear "friends", you needn't cast your green eye upon me, for i have only managed to churn out yet another insipid performance at the examinations (which i am sure would make you selfish buggers happy). By the way, i had always had this tendency to term papers damn easy even though i could score only 50% in them.

Come on my dear friends, you and i know very well that the only way to proceed forward is by trampling others. So please don't even bother to bring up this topic when you meet me the next time and more-over, never try to justify your selfish actions because they would only make you look even more Scroogy.This ain't a personal crusade, i am just writing this to fill up some of the lines of my usually light-hearted blog.

I am sure that this blog won't go down well, because you happen to be filled to the brim with arrogance, to swallow this bitter pill. The thing which really irritates me is your lack of courage to tell the truth. Why will i give a shit to how you perform, so why not tell the truth!!!!!

I know that you don't deserve this criticism, but what to do,this happens to be the theme of this blog. Exploring these sort of negative thoughts is bound to expand the horizon of my blog. Don't even begin to think that i am in a foul temper, as a matter of fact i am over-joyed at my new found ability of making others feel dumb ( and myself dumber). If you happen to think that i am lying, then i guess that's just a reflection of your cockiness.

Never ever think that you can read the other guy's feelings because you are, after all just a mortal stuck in a world filled with hypocrites. I would have liked to make this one a bit more humorous, but then it would have stolen the sting of my verbal volleys.

Diclaimer:-

Three cheers people, i meant no offense whatever, for i live a wonderful life in a wonderful world filled with wonders like you (don't even begin to think that i meant it)

Misfiring Manchester

2007-08-16T03:31:00.000-07:00

The season is only two rounds old but the start made by Manchester United indicates that they are back to their days of unpredictability unlike a Chelsea or Arsenal who are quite predictably boring. Liverpool on the other hand seem to be a mixed breed. They are unpredictable but predictably boring.

The bigger problem though seems to be the suspension of Ronaldo for the next three matches. He is such a talent that he can't be replaced by anyone in the squad of Man Utd unlike Rooney (who is btw out for 2 months) who can be replaced by dime a dozen players. As far as i am concerned, Rooney ain't such a great player as the English press makes him out to be. He may be the best English striker but he is way behind the strikers from the rest of the world.

Lately my mail box is being littered with so many "lottery winner" mails that if they were true, i would have had enough money to buy the Man Utd club from the Glazers. The first thing which i would do then would be to buy Alexandre Pato from Ac Milan and then fire Sir Alex for stagnating the club with his seemingly end-less presence.

Disclaimer:-

Matches of Chelsea and Arsenal aren't so boring, it's just that i don't support either of them.

Nothin Official

2007-08-15T07:27:00.000-07:00

As you might know, i had earlier bragged about how my college had made an offer which even Mr.APJ couldn't refuse. It turned out that he was obliged to attend the function only because he has got himslf enrolled as a distinguished faculty member. As a matter of fact, the flag was hoisted much before his arrival. Had he come any earlier, he would have been treated to the visual of awkwardness personified which kinda epitomizes the capabilities of our physical training staff. By the way, the flag was hoisted by our Director. (Don't you see, Mr.APJ is after all just a faculty member who is supposed to work under him).

His speech was so artificial that it looks like he has already inculcated the the official spirit of our teaching staff. It was quite evident that he was not acting natural,the moment a prepared speech was kept in front of him. The speech was supposed to be tailor-made for the IT industry but as it turned out even the witty comedic additions by Mr.Kalam couldn't rescue the script.

He also said that a ignited mind is the greatest resource one can find either above or below or on the earth's surface.

Well, i will have to end now since i have exams from tomorrow and writing a lengthy blog wouldn't justify their presence.

Disclaimer:-

I don’t know why people tend to think that i ‘was’ studious during my school days. Maybe the fact that i got decent marks most of the time , has something to do with it. As far as i am concerned, me getting 95% in the board was just a paradox. Marks aside, nothing has changed in the way i look at studies or the way in which studies look at me.

The case of the missing grammar

2007-08-13T16:57:00.000-07:00

As soon as i glanced at the Times today, i had a big smile on my face because of the quotation which read "Nothing worth learning, can be taught", so why bother to attend classes in the first place.

Quite recently, i was asked to confirm (by an unknown person) whether i was "the dosa guy" back in my school days.To put things in perspective, i don't eat break-fast anymore mainly because it eats into 15 minutes of my sleep (looks like my grammar has gone shopping).Coming back to dosa, i do remember my awkward style of eating it, which involved a full fledged dosa being gulped in a single go accompanied by water.Whats even more distasteful (in my case) is that the afore mentioned person claimed that he remembers me only because of that!!.

I am afraid that i have some bad news for... myself. My first encounter with the CAT didn't go all too well today as i was left scratching my head more often than not mainly because of the ambiguous questions. Let me simulate one such situation.

1) State whether the following statements are facts or judgements?

a) Safin is the idealistic idol.

b)Bollywood lacks brains.

c)My blogs are entertaining.

As far as i am concerned, all of them would be facts[:)] which might not be the case(sadly) with you.

The things which were not fashionable but became so because of a charismatic performer :-

a) Eating like a swine ( Brad Pitt in the Ocean series)

b)Crying (Federer)

c)Double-crossing (Pirates)
d)Cutting everything short [:)] ( like this list)

In the present century, one of the most mysterious trends has been the relationship between the female skirt length and her economic condition.

Authorised Personal (well...some of it)

2007-08-11T05:09:00.000-07:00

In case you haven't noticed it is Personal ( not personnel !!), anyway don't fret coz it makes no difference. Speaking of spellings, we (with me being an exception of course) tend to fumble up a lot of them, like for example ,the other day i happened to notice a friend of mine greet the other one "many happy writtens of the day" (i don't think that was intentional).

Looks like Mr.Abdul Kalam is going to come to our college on Independence day.Frankly speaking, we made an offer which he couldn't resist, which was hoisting the Indian flag on Independence day. What's even better is that he is going to take lectures for a week every year here. Oh oh, i even forgot to introduce Mr.Kalam, he happens to be the former President of India who was dumped unceremoniously for refusing to be a rubber-stamp. What's more shameful is that he was succeeded by a scum bag who happens to have come loaded with a bagful of scams.

This was supposed to be personal right, but thus far it hasn't been. Maybe i should have saved the title for another day [:)]. The other day when my friend asked me what i do usually the whole day , i wasn't even able to give an answer. May be i should hire a chartered accountant to help me in keeping an account on how i spend my time.

May be i should keep a tab on my life by not opening too much tabs while i browse the net ( does the last one make the cut as a phatta?, waiting for your comments)

Movies not worth watching this week-end:-

Next,Vacancy,Captivity,Perfect Stranger,Hannibal Rising

Sectarian Violence Rages on

2007-08-09T12:55:00.000-07:00

As you must be aware, the conflicts between the Sunnis and the Shias continue to burn unabated, fueled on by the bloods of the Iraqis but the good news happens to be that we are not here to discuss that. For all of those interested in Iraqi politics, this is where you should take your leave.

I would like to introduce to you a certain "Shia Labeouf" who i didn't know even existed until about ten days back. So in order to make amends, i have watched three of his movies over the past two days namely "Transformers", "Disturbia" and "Constantine".I had in fact watched Constantine for the second time(which is quite an achievement considering the movie reviews which went something like "Constantine didn't want to go to hell, so he sent the audience instead") only to notice the presence of this guy.

The last week also saw the release of the third installment of the Bourne saga. As a matter of fact, it has opened to the highest box office collections ever, for a movie released in august (fact brought to you by wikipedia). I have always been a fan of the Bourne series mainly because they seem realistic excluding the fact that the lead character changes countries more often than his clothes.

Vulgarity inc (censored version)

2007-08-07T06:11:00.000-07:00

The other day i happened to receive a mail from the PG students which went as " We too have feelings, and if you (i.e UG) don't stop taunting us, appropriate action will be taken". Wow, they too have feelings !, that was news to me, i always thought that they were dumb, to join here to do their post-graduation. I guess that my chances of being a mascot of my college have gone up in smoke with that statement.

Looks like the quality of my blogs (as far as i am concerned) is coming tumbling down much like the form of erstwhile Marat Safin (amazing that i have never mentioned him till now). So i have decided to incorporate some vulgar/humorous statements made by someone else to stem the downfall of my blog albeit temporarily.

1) The three greatest tragedies of my life- life sucks, job sucks but wife doesn't.

2) I was so stunned at looking the prices, that my balls inter changed their positions.

3) If you work hard, you will rise as fast as a twelve year old's dick (stole it from myself).

Too bad that i have managed to cut, copy, paste only three of them .

Now that my blog is bound to receive some attention, let me move on to some U/A topics. First of all, no one has shown that he has the guts ( or rather balls (in A-version)) to criticise my blogs. So i have decided to do it myself

1) It ain't crispy.

2) I tend to explain everything (like a spoon-feading school teacher).

3) I play to the gallery all too often.

4)My writings are self-conscious.

5) I have inculcated vulgar to stem the rot, much like the Bollywood movies which believe "only Sharukh and Sex sell".

Speaking of criticism,they say that the worst criticism any literary work can get is "it is full of cliches". Not surprisingly, i was a recipient of this tag in my ninth standard itself (does that make me a child prodigy ?)

I am sure that the uncensored version of this blog would have come as a nasty surprise to you all , so i have decided to give you time until the next week to digest it.

pss...:- It(the original one) ain't as vulgar as i make it out to be (isn't it?)